MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
.... do you believe in the miracles of christmas?
after 53 hours in bed, dad is up and eating breakfast.... it doesn't get any better than this! thank you for all your prayers...
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
christmas eve 2007
just heard that 3 siblings are getting together for a wrapping party! i'm sitting here in awe of my offspring. i needed this boost-- and whatta boost it is. my head is full of visions of what will go on-- the joking around, the getting frustrated, the loud music, the gimme this- no i'm not done yet, the let's stop for awhile and play guitar hero.... at 20, 20 and 16, i couldn't have designed better relationships. good times, kids. good times.
dad is back to old habits. this makes his 27th hour in bed. he's been up to go to the bathroom, he's changed shoes and chosen different blankets, but he's not making his way outta bed beyond that. i left his pills and a nutrition drink for him earlier-- he got those down.
ohhhh my lil head is spinning. although i have mom here, too.... i feel very alone with my thoughts. if dad doesn't or can't get up tomorrow morning...
too many scenarios, too many opinions to endure with every scenario... on christmas day i'm gonna be damned if i do and damned if i don't. sometimes humans really bug me.
dad is back to old habits. this makes his 27th hour in bed. he's been up to go to the bathroom, he's changed shoes and chosen different blankets, but he's not making his way outta bed beyond that. i left his pills and a nutrition drink for him earlier-- he got those down.
ohhhh my lil head is spinning. although i have mom here, too.... i feel very alone with my thoughts. if dad doesn't or can't get up tomorrow morning...
too many scenarios, too many opinions to endure with every scenario... on christmas day i'm gonna be damned if i do and damned if i don't. sometimes humans really bug me.
Friday, December 21, 2007
friday, 12/21/07
tomorrow is dad's birthday.
today started out with a bang... dad fell- no broken bones or anything else bad, so that's a blessing. i'm trying to get him to use his walker again-- not having much luck, but i'll keep at it. thankfully, he's getting up more normally now. he's still not much into eating, but we're making pretty good headway. i gave him a light and simple breakfast but he managed to begin choking.... amazing how lil ole me pulled him up out of his chair and did the heimlich so fast. at least i know i've got it in me. that ended ok. but then the doorbell rang and then... mom's pup peeing right in front of me..... i sat down when everything was all done and laughed my ass off. mom started to giggle when she heard me-- then she got to laughing. whew-- "that was easy." uh huh.
had hoped to get away a bit today to help youngest son get his christmas shopping done-- our morning show here and some contractors arriving the house early afternoon immediately changed that plan. poor kid. honestly-- this poor kid. he always seems to get stuck at home for one reason or another. others go pretty much wherever, whenever.
well, WE'RE GOING to get out tonight when i leave here. i've already brushed oldest daughter and hubby off... i owe this time to the pinch hitter. besides, the others will thank him later.
because hubby managed to get the christmas shopping done, i've wrapped one childs gifts today. only 3 more children to go (we're not doing adult to adult gifts this year).
our pups has joined the fun down here this afternoon-- the contractors drive him nuts. he's been entertaining dad and mom and has finally put his head down for a nap as i type this. anyway, by the time we get home and get the kid, some tile should be down and two windows replaced. i heard the tile guy left already. he was supposed to work until late tonight cuz he's blown us off for 2 weeks now but his wife is sick soooooo, we wait again. so'k, he's doing the right thing. but, so much for having a floor to walk on christmas day!! guess we'll just go around.
today started out with a bang... dad fell- no broken bones or anything else bad, so that's a blessing. i'm trying to get him to use his walker again-- not having much luck, but i'll keep at it. thankfully, he's getting up more normally now. he's still not much into eating, but we're making pretty good headway. i gave him a light and simple breakfast but he managed to begin choking.... amazing how lil ole me pulled him up out of his chair and did the heimlich so fast. at least i know i've got it in me. that ended ok. but then the doorbell rang and then... mom's pup peeing right in front of me..... i sat down when everything was all done and laughed my ass off. mom started to giggle when she heard me-- then she got to laughing. whew-- "that was easy." uh huh.
had hoped to get away a bit today to help youngest son get his christmas shopping done-- our morning show here and some contractors arriving the house early afternoon immediately changed that plan. poor kid. honestly-- this poor kid. he always seems to get stuck at home for one reason or another. others go pretty much wherever, whenever.
well, WE'RE GOING to get out tonight when i leave here. i've already brushed oldest daughter and hubby off... i owe this time to the pinch hitter. besides, the others will thank him later.
because hubby managed to get the christmas shopping done, i've wrapped one childs gifts today. only 3 more children to go (we're not doing adult to adult gifts this year).
our pups has joined the fun down here this afternoon-- the contractors drive him nuts. he's been entertaining dad and mom and has finally put his head down for a nap as i type this. anyway, by the time we get home and get the kid, some tile should be down and two windows replaced. i heard the tile guy left already. he was supposed to work until late tonight cuz he's blown us off for 2 weeks now but his wife is sick soooooo, we wait again. so'k, he's doing the right thing. but, so much for having a floor to walk on christmas day!! guess we'll just go around.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
wednesday, 12/19/07
happy birthday, mom!! dad's still with us.
judge me all you want, but that's been in each of our heads so the gorilla in the room get acknowledged. i stayed here last night as i couldn't bring myself to leave either of my parents. dad didn't get up once during the night-- and he still isn't up today, but i've talked to him and got a response.
no fever, congestion or pain. no meds, no liquids or foods. no wet bed as far as i can see or smell. no slurring of words. yes, he rolls over in his bed, he opens his eyes, he talks but without clarity. i told him it was mom's birthday and he seemed to want to wish her a happy birthday but promptly closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
i've placed a phone call to the doc-- need instructions and/or moral support. haven't heard back from him yet so mom and i do our thing and do our best to create distractions for each other.
mom is enjoying on line birthday cards and several phone calls. another nice distraction.
there seems to be a lot of coincidences happening these last few days..... but i prefer to declare these as god's way of letting me know he's really busy handling things. it's all yours, sir.
judge me all you want, but that's been in each of our heads so the gorilla in the room get acknowledged. i stayed here last night as i couldn't bring myself to leave either of my parents. dad didn't get up once during the night-- and he still isn't up today, but i've talked to him and got a response.
no fever, congestion or pain. no meds, no liquids or foods. no wet bed as far as i can see or smell. no slurring of words. yes, he rolls over in his bed, he opens his eyes, he talks but without clarity. i told him it was mom's birthday and he seemed to want to wish her a happy birthday but promptly closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
i've placed a phone call to the doc-- need instructions and/or moral support. haven't heard back from him yet so mom and i do our thing and do our best to create distractions for each other.
mom is enjoying on line birthday cards and several phone calls. another nice distraction.
there seems to be a lot of coincidences happening these last few days..... but i prefer to declare these as god's way of letting me know he's really busy handling things. it's all yours, sir.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
tuesday, 12/18/07
tomorrow is mom's birthday.
today is the 2nd day that dad hasn't gotten up out of bed. today he didn't eat. he didn't speak more than 4 words and they weren't coherant. he hasn't taken his pills. he clothes were dry as far as i could tell.
he's sleeping-- i hear him. but there are times it takes the better part of 20 seconds to hear a breath. he's so relaxed his breath hardly makes him move, then there are moans at other times... are they dreams or is it the death rattle? i dunno. i just dunno. he's not in pain, this i do know.
mom's scared-- brother is scared... but they don't see and hear what i do. i'm scared. i looked up signs of death on the internet-- just to be sure my head knows what's what. oh god give us strength.
today is the 2nd day that dad hasn't gotten up out of bed. today he didn't eat. he didn't speak more than 4 words and they weren't coherant. he hasn't taken his pills. he clothes were dry as far as i could tell.
he's sleeping-- i hear him. but there are times it takes the better part of 20 seconds to hear a breath. he's so relaxed his breath hardly makes him move, then there are moans at other times... are they dreams or is it the death rattle? i dunno. i just dunno. he's not in pain, this i do know.
mom's scared-- brother is scared... but they don't see and hear what i do. i'm scared. i looked up signs of death on the internet-- just to be sure my head knows what's what. oh god give us strength.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
sunday, 12/16/07
it was the children's holiday program at church this morning. there was no sermon-- only the children's program and christmas carols. dad slept thru most of the service-- he couldn't follow the carols-- he did, however, say the lord's prayer in it's entirety. yes!!!
there was a visitor to the church who sat next to me. a couple of times he leaned over to ask a question of me... he didn't sing the carols either... in the middle of the program, something overcame him and he started wiping his eyes and sniffling. at first i wasn't sure he wasn't just fighting a cold-- i ignored the noises. it wasn't long before i realized the noises stopped-- it wasn't a cold-- this man was hurtin'. i was glad he was spending the morning with us-- it seemed to be something he needed.
i've been there-- in "that" place. i zoned from today's program shortly after the noises started and stopped... i went back to "that" time. i tried to recall if i hoped people would ignore what they were seeing or hearing from me at that moment-- or if i was needing to have someone simply be nice in some non-embarrassing way. i think i needed both-- but how does one do that?!!
being that this visitor was a grown man-- and he was sitting alone... i felt it best to try and do both things-- ignore the moment of weakness but be nice in some way.
at the end of the service when the goodbyes were being made, i turned to him, introduced dad and myself and told him i hoped he would join us again. his eyes lit up and a genuine smile grew wide-- he said he will definitely be back.
i pray this man found something really good in his life today.... that whatever hurt so bad heals soon. something like this maybe....
"Gold Wrapping Paper"
I received this from a friend who had a choice to make. It said that I had a choice to make too.
I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose.
The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, "This is for you, Momma."The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner."Don't you know, you ng lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"
She had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full."The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.
Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
there was a visitor to the church who sat next to me. a couple of times he leaned over to ask a question of me... he didn't sing the carols either... in the middle of the program, something overcame him and he started wiping his eyes and sniffling. at first i wasn't sure he wasn't just fighting a cold-- i ignored the noises. it wasn't long before i realized the noises stopped-- it wasn't a cold-- this man was hurtin'. i was glad he was spending the morning with us-- it seemed to be something he needed.
i've been there-- in "that" place. i zoned from today's program shortly after the noises started and stopped... i went back to "that" time. i tried to recall if i hoped people would ignore what they were seeing or hearing from me at that moment-- or if i was needing to have someone simply be nice in some non-embarrassing way. i think i needed both-- but how does one do that?!!
being that this visitor was a grown man-- and he was sitting alone... i felt it best to try and do both things-- ignore the moment of weakness but be nice in some way.
at the end of the service when the goodbyes were being made, i turned to him, introduced dad and myself and told him i hoped he would join us again. his eyes lit up and a genuine smile grew wide-- he said he will definitely be back.
i pray this man found something really good in his life today.... that whatever hurt so bad heals soon. something like this maybe....
"Gold Wrapping Paper"
I received this from a friend who had a choice to make. It said that I had a choice to make too.
I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose.
The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.
Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, "This is for you, Momma."The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner."Don't you know, you ng lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"
She had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full."The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.
An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.
Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.
In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.
Friday, December 14, 2007
can i borrow $25?
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. '
Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.
Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
Can I Borrow $25?
(a good lesson.... but how do those of us not working for "the company" handle such things? hmm)
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. '
Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.
Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
Can I Borrow $25?
(a good lesson.... but how do those of us not working for "the company" handle such things? hmm)
Thursday, December 13, 2007
thursday, 12/13/07
sorry it's been awhile-- it's me-- it's the holiday upcoming-- it's people-- you know, stuff.
mom had her final visit with her surgeon today. no need to go back unless we deem it necessary. he ordered out-patient therapy for her so that will begin soon. the in-home therapy finished last month. she's made too much improvement to stop now-- especially since she's still within her 6 month to a year window of complete healing. it's only been 3.5 months since her surgery so we figure she's well on her way to being better than before surgery-- might as well take all those helps offered. good for her.
now.... even tho her surgeon is in the same practice as the other doc who's helping us figure out what her back, legs, and foot problems are... they aren't doing the same exams with mom, so we're still a go for mom's neuropathy tests next week. so far we've been told what it could be and what it isn't. it's those isn'ts that are keeping mom in good spirits.
dad. he's had such a good couple of weeks. sure there were things he didn't wish to go to and that always hits a strange cord with us, but he was still on his normal schedule and eating well, too. until....
last night he went to bed at around 4:30pm or so.... and he never got up until tonight at 5:30pm. he's had the tiniest of colds-- i thought he was simply needing more rest. but it just got scary after 11am this morning and he still hadn't made his way out. of course i checked on him all the time-- it became my obsession-- and each time i started to go back and noticed i didn't have my cell on me, i turned around and got it before i opened his door. "in case." isn't that a kicker??? in case.
thank god each time i peeked, it was only a matter of moments before i heard breathing or noticed that he had changed shoes or clothes-- but simply decided to go back to bed instead of coming out. at around 4 or so i had made enough noise to see his eyes open and set down his pills and some finger food. but-- he still hadn't gotten up and OUT. the madness ended at 5:30 when he opened the door and sat in his chair. YES!!!!
i managed to get him hydrated and fed a few more bites before he's gone back to bed again. mom is going out of her mind. we've talked about it all day and she's busied herself with her christmas cards but the shoulders finally relaxed when she knew dad was in his chair eating.
other than all this... the twins visited this week (their finals are now done and have a 5 week break from college courses)... and youngest son has visited everyday! SCORE!! hubby spent 2 vacation days at the office... umm, yeah. and, i've finished four more books. i know i'm a freak of nature...
that's all. nothing else.
mom had her final visit with her surgeon today. no need to go back unless we deem it necessary. he ordered out-patient therapy for her so that will begin soon. the in-home therapy finished last month. she's made too much improvement to stop now-- especially since she's still within her 6 month to a year window of complete healing. it's only been 3.5 months since her surgery so we figure she's well on her way to being better than before surgery-- might as well take all those helps offered. good for her.
now.... even tho her surgeon is in the same practice as the other doc who's helping us figure out what her back, legs, and foot problems are... they aren't doing the same exams with mom, so we're still a go for mom's neuropathy tests next week. so far we've been told what it could be and what it isn't. it's those isn'ts that are keeping mom in good spirits.
dad. he's had such a good couple of weeks. sure there were things he didn't wish to go to and that always hits a strange cord with us, but he was still on his normal schedule and eating well, too. until....
last night he went to bed at around 4:30pm or so.... and he never got up until tonight at 5:30pm. he's had the tiniest of colds-- i thought he was simply needing more rest. but it just got scary after 11am this morning and he still hadn't made his way out. of course i checked on him all the time-- it became my obsession-- and each time i started to go back and noticed i didn't have my cell on me, i turned around and got it before i opened his door. "in case." isn't that a kicker??? in case.
thank god each time i peeked, it was only a matter of moments before i heard breathing or noticed that he had changed shoes or clothes-- but simply decided to go back to bed instead of coming out. at around 4 or so i had made enough noise to see his eyes open and set down his pills and some finger food. but-- he still hadn't gotten up and OUT. the madness ended at 5:30 when he opened the door and sat in his chair. YES!!!!
i managed to get him hydrated and fed a few more bites before he's gone back to bed again. mom is going out of her mind. we've talked about it all day and she's busied herself with her christmas cards but the shoulders finally relaxed when she knew dad was in his chair eating.
other than all this... the twins visited this week (their finals are now done and have a 5 week break from college courses)... and youngest son has visited everyday! SCORE!! hubby spent 2 vacation days at the office... umm, yeah. and, i've finished four more books. i know i'm a freak of nature...
that's all. nothing else.
Friday, December 7, 2007
friday, 12/7/07
(my deepest gratitude to shirley for sending this to me-- you are my angel)
The Sandpiper By Robert Peterson
She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world Begins to close in on me She was building a sand castle or something And looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.
"Hello," she said. I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child. "I'm building," she said.
"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.
"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand." That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A sandpiper glided by.
"That's a joy," the child said. "It's a what?" "It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy." The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself, Hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed Completely out of balance.
"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up. "Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."
"Mine's Wendy... I'm six." "Hi, Wendy." She giggled. "You're funny," she said. In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.
"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day." The next few days consisted of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings, And an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out Of the dishwater. I n eed a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat. The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was Chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.
"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?" "What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance. "I don't know. You say." "How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.
The tinkling laughter burst forth again. "I don't know what that is." "Then let's just walk." Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face. "Where do you live?" I asked. "Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages. Strange, I thought, in winter.
"Where do you go to school?" "I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation." She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was On other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.
Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no Mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt Like demanding she keep her child at home.
"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd Rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of breath. "Why?" she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child? "Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day." "Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and -- oh, go away!" "Did it hurt?" she inquired. "Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself. "When she died?" "Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding, Wrapped up in myself. I strode off.
A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up To the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door.
A drawn looking Young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door. "Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was."
"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies." "Not at all -- she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.
"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't tell you."
Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath. "She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..."
Her voice faltered, "She left something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?" I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman.
She handed me a smeared envelope with "MR. P" printed in bold childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues -- a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed: A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I uttered over and over, and we wept together.
The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words -- one for each year of her life -- that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love. A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand -- who taught me the gift of love.
NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It happened over 20 years ago and the incident changed his life forever. It serves as a reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and life and each other. The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday traumas can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a momentary setback or crisis.
This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all means, take a moment... even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the roses.
This comes from someone's heart, and is read by many and now I share it with you... May God Bless everyone who receives this! There are NO coincidences! Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant.
Who knows what they can teach us? I wish for you, a sandpiper.
The Sandpiper By Robert Peterson
She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I live. I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the world Begins to close in on me She was building a sand castle or something And looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.
"Hello," she said. I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child. "I'm building," she said.
"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.
"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand." That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A sandpiper glided by.
"That's a joy," the child said. "It's a what?" "It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy." The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to myself, Hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed Completely out of balance.
"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up. "Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."
"Mine's Wendy... I'm six." "Hi, Wendy." She giggled. "You're funny," she said. In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle followed me.
"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day." The next few days consisted of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings, And an ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out Of the dishwater. I n eed a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my coat. The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was Chilly but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.
"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?" "What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance. "I don't know. You say." "How about charades?" I asked sarcastically.
The tinkling laughter burst forth again. "I don't know what that is." "Then let's just walk." Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness of her face. "Where do you live?" I asked. "Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages. Strange, I thought, in winter.
"Where do you go to school?" "I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation." She chattered little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was On other things. When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day. Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.
Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was in no Mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch and felt Like demanding she keep her child at home.
"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me, "I'd Rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of breath. "Why?" she asked.
I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, My God, why was I saying this to a little child? "Oh," she said quietly, "then this is a bad day." "Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and -- oh, go away!" "Did it hurt?" she inquired. "Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself. "When she died?" "Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding, Wrapped up in myself. I strode off.
A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach, she wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and admitting to myself I missed her, I went up To the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door.
A drawn looking Young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door. "Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today and wondered where she was."
"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please, accept my apologies." "Not at all -- she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing that I meant what I had just said.
"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't tell you."
Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath. "She loved this beach, so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no. She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days. But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..."
Her voice faltered, "She left something for you, if only I can find it. Could you wait a moment while I look?" I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman.
She handed me a smeared envelope with "MR. P" printed in bold childish letters. Inside was a drawing in bright crayon hues -- a yellow beach, a blue sea, and a brown bird. Underneath was carefully printed: A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and a heart that had almost forgotten to love opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I uttered over and over, and we wept together.
The precious little picture is framed now and hangs in my study. Six words -- one for each year of her life -- that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love. A gift from a child with sea blue eyes and hair the color of sand -- who taught me the gift of love.
NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It happened over 20 years ago and the incident changed his life forever. It serves as a reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and life and each other. The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday traumas can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a momentary setback or crisis.
This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all means, take a moment... even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the roses.
This comes from someone's heart, and is read by many and now I share it with you... May God Bless everyone who receives this! There are NO coincidences! Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant.
Who knows what they can teach us? I wish for you, a sandpiper.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
wednesday, 12/5/07
our first snow!! all 5 inches of it.... gorgeous. (as long as i'm inside it's gorgeous....)
all the chores are caught up-- had some time to finish my book. a good day!
dad is doing fine-- getting up and going down on a nice schedule. he was on a real bladder roll these last couple of days but that has gone back to normal. i don't see signs of bladder or kidney infections but will keep an eye out. he asked for pizza tonight-- your wish is my command!! he doesn't seem to enjoy the snow this year-- he did sit by the window and watch the snowtrucks and children walking by with their sleds but... has no other interest in it. makes me sad.
mom has been having a mini pitty party. she came out of it today but i've been going out of my way to stay out of her way! knowing mom as i do, this wasn't a harmful action... she had her time to think and finally asked to discuss her MRI results. i told her on monday i had finally heard from the doctor-- again, knowing that was all i needed to offer at the time. she processed what she had to and we sat down and had a good conversation tonight.
the outcome was normal aging... which is good.... yet there's always another test to find out why she's wobbly in her legs. i wasn't sure she would go for more tests since the MRI didn't confirm MS or anything else. i figured she would call it a day and go on with her life as it is now.
good thing i don't know everything! mom is willing to go for more tests. these tests are for neuropathy-- basically nerve testing for both arms and legs. when searching on the internet, most neuropathy connects to diabetes... mom doesn't have diabetes. i can assume hers would be connected to peripheral or focal neuropathy-- basically numbness and ankle/foot weakness. we'll just have to wait and see what the results from the tests show.
another day come and almost gone. hope everyone is enjoying their days!!
all the chores are caught up-- had some time to finish my book. a good day!
dad is doing fine-- getting up and going down on a nice schedule. he was on a real bladder roll these last couple of days but that has gone back to normal. i don't see signs of bladder or kidney infections but will keep an eye out. he asked for pizza tonight-- your wish is my command!! he doesn't seem to enjoy the snow this year-- he did sit by the window and watch the snowtrucks and children walking by with their sleds but... has no other interest in it. makes me sad.
mom has been having a mini pitty party. she came out of it today but i've been going out of my way to stay out of her way! knowing mom as i do, this wasn't a harmful action... she had her time to think and finally asked to discuss her MRI results. i told her on monday i had finally heard from the doctor-- again, knowing that was all i needed to offer at the time. she processed what she had to and we sat down and had a good conversation tonight.
the outcome was normal aging... which is good.... yet there's always another test to find out why she's wobbly in her legs. i wasn't sure she would go for more tests since the MRI didn't confirm MS or anything else. i figured she would call it a day and go on with her life as it is now.
good thing i don't know everything! mom is willing to go for more tests. these tests are for neuropathy-- basically nerve testing for both arms and legs. when searching on the internet, most neuropathy connects to diabetes... mom doesn't have diabetes. i can assume hers would be connected to peripheral or focal neuropathy-- basically numbness and ankle/foot weakness. we'll just have to wait and see what the results from the tests show.
another day come and almost gone. hope everyone is enjoying their days!!
Saturday, December 1, 2007
saturday, december 1
home-- safe and sound! it was 3:41am on the bedroom clock, but we made it despite airline delays trying their best to prevent our homecoming.... vegas had their first rain since february yesterday-- the city was in a cluster.
looks like everyone got along fine... mom, dad, dog, cats and sheep all in good spirits. youngest son came down here this morning to catch up and give me his updates... he too, did well and took good care of our pups and house. he even put ornaments up on the tree!
brother took good care of things but couldn't get dad to eat. mom was thrilled when she saw his breakfast tray empty this morning. evidently the cats have been well fed this past week... no wonder they looked at me cock-eyed when i fed them this morning-- i arrived bearing no special treats!
hubby is sleeping-- lucky dawg.
got some laundry to finish, beds to change, lunch to fix then some food shopping to do.... with any luck at all i'll catch some winks mid-afternoon.... ooooor not, who knows!
looks like everyone got along fine... mom, dad, dog, cats and sheep all in good spirits. youngest son came down here this morning to catch up and give me his updates... he too, did well and took good care of our pups and house. he even put ornaments up on the tree!
brother took good care of things but couldn't get dad to eat. mom was thrilled when she saw his breakfast tray empty this morning. evidently the cats have been well fed this past week... no wonder they looked at me cock-eyed when i fed them this morning-- i arrived bearing no special treats!
hubby is sleeping-- lucky dawg.
got some laundry to finish, beds to change, lunch to fix then some food shopping to do.... with any luck at all i'll catch some winks mid-afternoon.... ooooor not, who knows!
Monday, November 26, 2007
monday, november 26, 2007
all has been pretty darn normal 'round here since the holiday. this is good. dad and mom both in good spirits and going about their days routinely.
far be from me to upset the apple cart, yet, that i must do.... hubby has a business trip in vegas and is taking me along. we leave at the wee hours tomorrow morning and return in the wee hours friday night. brother is filling in here while we're away...
thankfully there's only one appointment each day to get to, so brother shouldn't feel too overwhelmed. i rescheduled the stuff i felt might be too stressful-- of course this virgo had to leave her lists... always lists.... yet it's these lists that help mom the most. if it's on paper, it must get done-- right down to the how to make coffee. now.... for those who might be cringing at the moment, brother's coffee comes in a red can with a pop-top... it's the real thing, alright?!
anyway, yes i have fear. yes, i have worry. i know i should just go and enjoy myself-- and i will, with fear and worry as my faithful companion-- don't tell hubby he's been upstaged. i think as long as i'm already aware i've got these companions, it'll be ok. i've been gone before, but not with both parents as dependant as now. beyond all that however.... i have faith. faith in brother, mom, dad and kiddos. they each are blessed, therefore, we are and will continue to be blessed!
i'll check back in next weekend. be safe and happy... and well.
far be from me to upset the apple cart, yet, that i must do.... hubby has a business trip in vegas and is taking me along. we leave at the wee hours tomorrow morning and return in the wee hours friday night. brother is filling in here while we're away...
thankfully there's only one appointment each day to get to, so brother shouldn't feel too overwhelmed. i rescheduled the stuff i felt might be too stressful-- of course this virgo had to leave her lists... always lists.... yet it's these lists that help mom the most. if it's on paper, it must get done-- right down to the how to make coffee. now.... for those who might be cringing at the moment, brother's coffee comes in a red can with a pop-top... it's the real thing, alright?!
anyway, yes i have fear. yes, i have worry. i know i should just go and enjoy myself-- and i will, with fear and worry as my faithful companion-- don't tell hubby he's been upstaged. i think as long as i'm already aware i've got these companions, it'll be ok. i've been gone before, but not with both parents as dependant as now. beyond all that however.... i have faith. faith in brother, mom, dad and kiddos. they each are blessed, therefore, we are and will continue to be blessed!
i'll check back in next weekend. be safe and happy... and well.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
thanksgiving day 2007
whatta nice day! keeping all things normal, we celebrated with our big meal at 12noon. i was fearful that dad would get too tired if we did this later in the day-- would go to sleep very early then rise in time for the mall's opening at 4am. thankfully the plan worked and other than enjoying everyone's company at noontime, dad's schedule has stayed right where it supposed to be.
gotta hand it to the folks at bob evans-- they put out quite a nice spread! following the instructions was a piece of cake that took me away from here only 2 hours. everything was delicious and thanks to hubby's planning, plenty of leftovers for both houses.
my boys and hubby's daughter each went to their respective "other" parents houses after our meal-- and we heard from oldest daughter visiting with boyfriends family in valpo... making the day complete for me.
there are times i wish i had a tape recorder on me to capture some of dad's moments... tonight he had an interesting one about the barn. mom played along so well-- gold star for her!! when dad was satisfied i understood what he wanted to get across, mom said his face and shoulders relaxed so he could immediately go about his way. i was busy making him turkey sandwiches and simply replied as i normally would so i missed seeing what mom did.
when dad left the room, i asked mom if she wrote all the instructions down for me cuz i sorta missed what i was supposed to do.... she burst out laughing and we've been chuckling about this ever since. those moments of dad's are so precious to me.... as sad as they are, they simply make my day when we get thru them.
god bless.
gotta hand it to the folks at bob evans-- they put out quite a nice spread! following the instructions was a piece of cake that took me away from here only 2 hours. everything was delicious and thanks to hubby's planning, plenty of leftovers for both houses.
my boys and hubby's daughter each went to their respective "other" parents houses after our meal-- and we heard from oldest daughter visiting with boyfriends family in valpo... making the day complete for me.
there are times i wish i had a tape recorder on me to capture some of dad's moments... tonight he had an interesting one about the barn. mom played along so well-- gold star for her!! when dad was satisfied i understood what he wanted to get across, mom said his face and shoulders relaxed so he could immediately go about his way. i was busy making him turkey sandwiches and simply replied as i normally would so i missed seeing what mom did.
when dad left the room, i asked mom if she wrote all the instructions down for me cuz i sorta missed what i was supposed to do.... she burst out laughing and we've been chuckling about this ever since. those moments of dad's are so precious to me.... as sad as they are, they simply make my day when we get thru them.
god bless.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
day before thanksgiving
it was a gorgeous morning.... 60 degrees and sunny! i cleaned out the barn, played with the cats... yet still waiting on the vet to come check out freddie's hoof (one of mom/dad/s sheep). ran some errands, got thru mom's PT and made a "meez" (check it out down the right side of the blog-- hilarious!! it does capture me.
dad's having an ok day-- eating well. mom's having an ok day, too.
looking forward to being with the kiddos and mom/dad tomorrow... we've decided it will be a turkey lunch feast. youngest daughter goes with her mom to visit with that side of the family-- the boys will most likely visit with their dad a bit-- oldest daughter already in valpo with boyfriends family. with hubby and i both working all day today, and me working later than he, hubby decided we'd take the easy way out and have bob evans prepare our gratefuling meal. although it causes me to twitch a bit, i'm truly grateful for his decision-- very thoughtful and sweet. i will, however, be making the chocolate chip/pumpkin cake tonight if it kills me. that's one tradition that won't be messed with!!
god bless, everyone. be safe. have fun!
dad's having an ok day-- eating well. mom's having an ok day, too.
looking forward to being with the kiddos and mom/dad tomorrow... we've decided it will be a turkey lunch feast. youngest daughter goes with her mom to visit with that side of the family-- the boys will most likely visit with their dad a bit-- oldest daughter already in valpo with boyfriends family. with hubby and i both working all day today, and me working later than he, hubby decided we'd take the easy way out and have bob evans prepare our gratefuling meal. although it causes me to twitch a bit, i'm truly grateful for his decision-- very thoughtful and sweet. i will, however, be making the chocolate chip/pumpkin cake tonight if it kills me. that's one tradition that won't be messed with!!
god bless, everyone. be safe. have fun!
Monday, November 19, 2007
monday, november 19, 2007
last friday i heard from mom's doctor. the mass they reviewed from her 2nd MRI still is undetermined. he went on to as to say he didn't feel it was a tumor or cancer... that it might be an old trauma or perhaps multiple sclerosis. with that said, yet one more MRI-- one specifically for the brain, has been ordered for this friday.
doing my best to phrase things properly with mom, it still hit her pretty hard. as expected, the first reaction were words similiar to wanting to be off this planet. those words were pretty prevelent before last august-- we heard them almost everyday. since her surgery and all the good therapy that went along with it, those words haven't been heard-- at all, until now. it's very understandable and i predicted this so knew what was coming.... divertion was met and within an hour, mom was herself again.
brother got mom set up with a new (old, but new for her!) laptop so we both now have full access to our stuff during the day when the urge strikes. having saved one last positive for when the timing of it was right, i showed her where the internet radio was and she's basking gloriously in her piano scapes.
dad is tired again today. he was up most of the day yesterday so this could be just a day of recovery from that. he still wants to go to rotary, so i'm letting him rest until the last possible moment.
i took him to the VA for his labs last friday-- we go in for his 6 month check up this friday-- unless i can reschedule-- which i'm trying to do as last time i checked it was impossible for me to be two places at one time. with the holiday upon us, help will be more readily available but brother would like me to schedule dad's exam for next week when he's here if possible. hey- no problemo... i'm on it!
landscaping equipment is arriving at my house so banjo is hanging here with us today. i swear animals are too smart for their own good-- how they tend to those in need is simply a gift from heaven. one i'm so happy to be a part of-- even if it is just by watching.
doing my best to phrase things properly with mom, it still hit her pretty hard. as expected, the first reaction were words similiar to wanting to be off this planet. those words were pretty prevelent before last august-- we heard them almost everyday. since her surgery and all the good therapy that went along with it, those words haven't been heard-- at all, until now. it's very understandable and i predicted this so knew what was coming.... divertion was met and within an hour, mom was herself again.
brother got mom set up with a new (old, but new for her!) laptop so we both now have full access to our stuff during the day when the urge strikes. having saved one last positive for when the timing of it was right, i showed her where the internet radio was and she's basking gloriously in her piano scapes.
dad is tired again today. he was up most of the day yesterday so this could be just a day of recovery from that. he still wants to go to rotary, so i'm letting him rest until the last possible moment.
i took him to the VA for his labs last friday-- we go in for his 6 month check up this friday-- unless i can reschedule-- which i'm trying to do as last time i checked it was impossible for me to be two places at one time. with the holiday upon us, help will be more readily available but brother would like me to schedule dad's exam for next week when he's here if possible. hey- no problemo... i'm on it!
landscaping equipment is arriving at my house so banjo is hanging here with us today. i swear animals are too smart for their own good-- how they tend to those in need is simply a gift from heaven. one i'm so happy to be a part of-- even if it is just by watching.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
sunday, november 18, 2007
yesterday marked the one year anniversary of dad's accident-- and of the weekend spent at the hospital watching the michigan game.... and.... finding out dad had been taking aricept for the better part of 10 years.
this particular sunday, one year ago, the decision was made that i would stay home and be dad's caregiver... he would give up his car, his business, his basic freedom of life... each in due time of course, but that was indeed the outcome.
as i reflect on this past year-- there were days i felt like a hopeless failure, days where complete sadness overcame me, days i didn't know would end. it's funny that i can remember those days... in full detail... because over the past 365 days, those specific days can be counted on both hands. the rest of the time was filled with humor, contentment, honor, and a full heart. i'll bet there are many out there who, if they counted, would need more than two hands to count their really difficult, bad days.
yup-- i'm blessed. WE'RE blessed.
a thought hit me yesterday that when this whole adventure ends, i'll have to sit in front of potential employers and explain the void in my career. -- explain it!! the world out there doesn't embrace efforts like this-- they're too busy needing more, wanting more, getting more. lives surrounding careers these days are all emcompassing... you give it all to your employer-- family comes in down the line.
nuh uh!! not this chic. i see the eyes and know what's behind them... i hear the wonder in the voice... in one instant i know. just as i've seen and heard this past year-- there are those whom i've needed to remove from my life. those who believe i'm doing the right thing (because it's the politically correct thing for them to say to me), but what am i doing for me. seriously.... do i have to tell them this is for me?! if i do, then there's the answer as to why things have changed.
this past year has been a huge opportunity for my personal growth, my spiritual growth, learning who i am. ok, i can't go out with friends... can't go anywhere without planning. this is small beans. really small beans. god has put each member of my family on a path and it's a path i see very clearly. no- i can't see the future.... but this short-term past and this present-- my current. it all makes sense. this is what i wish for everyone. will this epiphany be somewhat of an anniversary for you, too? i wish you enough.
this particular sunday, one year ago, the decision was made that i would stay home and be dad's caregiver... he would give up his car, his business, his basic freedom of life... each in due time of course, but that was indeed the outcome.
as i reflect on this past year-- there were days i felt like a hopeless failure, days where complete sadness overcame me, days i didn't know would end. it's funny that i can remember those days... in full detail... because over the past 365 days, those specific days can be counted on both hands. the rest of the time was filled with humor, contentment, honor, and a full heart. i'll bet there are many out there who, if they counted, would need more than two hands to count their really difficult, bad days.
yup-- i'm blessed. WE'RE blessed.
a thought hit me yesterday that when this whole adventure ends, i'll have to sit in front of potential employers and explain the void in my career. -- explain it!! the world out there doesn't embrace efforts like this-- they're too busy needing more, wanting more, getting more. lives surrounding careers these days are all emcompassing... you give it all to your employer-- family comes in down the line.
nuh uh!! not this chic. i see the eyes and know what's behind them... i hear the wonder in the voice... in one instant i know. just as i've seen and heard this past year-- there are those whom i've needed to remove from my life. those who believe i'm doing the right thing (because it's the politically correct thing for them to say to me), but what am i doing for me. seriously.... do i have to tell them this is for me?! if i do, then there's the answer as to why things have changed.
this past year has been a huge opportunity for my personal growth, my spiritual growth, learning who i am. ok, i can't go out with friends... can't go anywhere without planning. this is small beans. really small beans. god has put each member of my family on a path and it's a path i see very clearly. no- i can't see the future.... but this short-term past and this present-- my current. it all makes sense. this is what i wish for everyone. will this epiphany be somewhat of an anniversary for you, too? i wish you enough.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
tuesday, november 12, 2007
it's always delightful when dad gets an invitation to spend time with his buds.... during yesterdays rotary meeting, he was invited to breakfast this morning. he was also invited to have lunch next week -- one on one, with another rotarian.
during dinner last night, we had a game of 20 questions... brought me back-- but that's sorta off topic. the questions related to... now what is this? what do i do with that? how do i use that? youngest son sat thru this game with me and remained quiet... it sort of caught him off guard. most likely he was asking himself how in the world can grampa not know and/or understand that the glass of juice in his hand is what he takes his pills with?!
after we went thru the instructions, dad managed to finish 75% of his meal and his pills. then.... dad started focusing on the breakfast invitation. major focus there-- there was nothing else to be discussed. i went along with this yet i knew what would be coming all night long if this breakfast was permitted to happen... so, with the help of mom and brother, a plan was made.
thankfully the plan worked as dad was sound asleep in his bed when i arrived this morning. thank you heavenly father... thank you mom and brother.
i love this.
during dinner last night, we had a game of 20 questions... brought me back-- but that's sorta off topic. the questions related to... now what is this? what do i do with that? how do i use that? youngest son sat thru this game with me and remained quiet... it sort of caught him off guard. most likely he was asking himself how in the world can grampa not know and/or understand that the glass of juice in his hand is what he takes his pills with?!
after we went thru the instructions, dad managed to finish 75% of his meal and his pills. then.... dad started focusing on the breakfast invitation. major focus there-- there was nothing else to be discussed. i went along with this yet i knew what would be coming all night long if this breakfast was permitted to happen... so, with the help of mom and brother, a plan was made.
thankfully the plan worked as dad was sound asleep in his bed when i arrived this morning. thank you heavenly father... thank you mom and brother.
i love this.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
sunday, november 11, 2007
greetings!
ok, so it's rainy and cold. yesterday was gorgeous but the buckeyes lost. take the good with the not so good.... then if it starts getting to us, begin that list of blessings and regroup!
the later part of this week proved worth the wait for a positive... dad began to wake up earlier and not sleep all day and night. he began eating 3 squares again, too. niiiice. for awhile there i was feeling we were starting to see an ending. unfortunately i have to keep it real, folks. i know that's not easy to read.
mom's MRI showed a mass on her spine. back for another test we went-- and go, to determine what the mass is and how we'll deal with it. naturally floods of feelings were floating in and out all week-- got the anger, the denial, the nothing, the ok, the what if, the what not. not so good times yet we made it thru and keep moving forward... which brings us to the current and the future....
for whatever reason, my head is already on christmas. it doesn't seem to matter that we've not had thanksgiving yet! i've never decorated the outside of the house over these 18+ years, yet... my head seems to wish to do that this year. it's taking great restraint to not do anything!! what's up with this?!!
i devoured a trilogy of books this week... it got so sucked up in them that i finished all 3 books in 4 days. mom was so intrigued with my obsession (yes, it was definitely an obsession) that she put down the book she was reading to start on the trilogy. for those interested, the books are by nora roberts.. the key of light, the key of knowledge, the key of valor. fun, entertaining reads. (our thanks to ruth for the first two books...)
ok, so it's rainy and cold. yesterday was gorgeous but the buckeyes lost. take the good with the not so good.... then if it starts getting to us, begin that list of blessings and regroup!
the later part of this week proved worth the wait for a positive... dad began to wake up earlier and not sleep all day and night. he began eating 3 squares again, too. niiiice. for awhile there i was feeling we were starting to see an ending. unfortunately i have to keep it real, folks. i know that's not easy to read.
mom's MRI showed a mass on her spine. back for another test we went-- and go, to determine what the mass is and how we'll deal with it. naturally floods of feelings were floating in and out all week-- got the anger, the denial, the nothing, the ok, the what if, the what not. not so good times yet we made it thru and keep moving forward... which brings us to the current and the future....
for whatever reason, my head is already on christmas. it doesn't seem to matter that we've not had thanksgiving yet! i've never decorated the outside of the house over these 18+ years, yet... my head seems to wish to do that this year. it's taking great restraint to not do anything!! what's up with this?!!
i devoured a trilogy of books this week... it got so sucked up in them that i finished all 3 books in 4 days. mom was so intrigued with my obsession (yes, it was definitely an obsession) that she put down the book she was reading to start on the trilogy. for those interested, the books are by nora roberts.. the key of light, the key of knowledge, the key of valor. fun, entertaining reads. (our thanks to ruth for the first two books...)
Sunday, November 4, 2007
sunday, november 4, 2007
our buckeyes pulled one off again! not having the game on TV proved difficult, but manageable... i pulled out the two radios-- one for mom and one for dad. dad sat in his chair all the way thru the 3rd quarter and listened. his head finally got the best of him-- was concerned that he couldn't see the game. he kept looking at the TV-- the screen was black. i reminded him the game wasn't on TV but-- determined, he went back to his room to see if he could watch it there. it didn't take but a minute for him to come out and ask me to go back with him to check on his shoes and buttons.
while i knew he was referring to the TV and remote, there was no way of getting him to understand the game wasn't on the screen, only on the radio. dad was tired and well past the point of understanding, so i put another game on TV for him to watch and told him the buckeyes game was over and they had won. with that done, he settled into his bed for an hour or so. thankfully by the time he woke, the bucks HAD won and the game was over.
dad sat at the kitchen table with mom for about 45 minutes last night. mom handled this very well. she's gotten much better communicating with him. her patience was in tact and with a little bit of help at times, managed to work her way thru chit chat. their common ground was sasha-- who was very generous with her licks and attention.
with the time change happening overnight we kept things with mom and sasha on the body time frame-- which meant getting here an hour early... but arrived with no problem as my body doesn't know the time changed either!! dad was in the hallway to greet me and began asking about his breath and why he was being told he needed to look for his pajamas (which he doesn't have nor wear). ok--the breath thing perplexed me but i got out his toothbrush for him thinking maybe he wanted to brush his teeth. nope! he asked me to go into his bedroom with him instead. i did, only to find him staring at me. ok, that was weird.
finding everything in order, i gave him a hug and told him it was very early and wondered if he didn't want to go back to bed for awhile. he did but not without more random, strange conversation first. and so it continues.
may your day be blessed and wonderful!!
while i knew he was referring to the TV and remote, there was no way of getting him to understand the game wasn't on the screen, only on the radio. dad was tired and well past the point of understanding, so i put another game on TV for him to watch and told him the buckeyes game was over and they had won. with that done, he settled into his bed for an hour or so. thankfully by the time he woke, the bucks HAD won and the game was over.
dad sat at the kitchen table with mom for about 45 minutes last night. mom handled this very well. she's gotten much better communicating with him. her patience was in tact and with a little bit of help at times, managed to work her way thru chit chat. their common ground was sasha-- who was very generous with her licks and attention.
with the time change happening overnight we kept things with mom and sasha on the body time frame-- which meant getting here an hour early... but arrived with no problem as my body doesn't know the time changed either!! dad was in the hallway to greet me and began asking about his breath and why he was being told he needed to look for his pajamas (which he doesn't have nor wear). ok--the breath thing perplexed me but i got out his toothbrush for him thinking maybe he wanted to brush his teeth. nope! he asked me to go into his bedroom with him instead. i did, only to find him staring at me. ok, that was weird.
finding everything in order, i gave him a hug and told him it was very early and wondered if he didn't want to go back to bed for awhile. he did but not without more random, strange conversation first. and so it continues.
may your day be blessed and wonderful!!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
thursday,.. november 1st!
we've made it to november! welcome to the month of thanksgiving.... although each month should definitely serve this celebration-- it's the tradition, right?
mom's MRI results came back-- she's been diagnosed with spinal stenosis. we're scheduled to see a specialist next monday to review what options she's got. thankfully the "spot" on her leg was swabbed and came back clear of staph-- a real relief as it started to appear when she returned from the hospital and of course.... all the press lately about those infections in hospitals has been on our minds and in our face. we follow up with her regular doc today to see what else she might need for the darn thing to heal.
dad continues to be mr. sleepy head. although i've managed to get him up each afternoon long enough that he tires well enough for a decent nights sleep-- this just wears on us. he's taken to wearing some pretty clever outfits this week-- i'm going with he's just playing along with the halloween spirit! because we're now over that time-- i'll go with him now creating a new fashion trend from this point forward.
i chatted with a friend on line awhile yesterday... was told that this blog should include more about how i'm doing. fear not good friends, i'm doing well. although i won't deny i feel tired more often, it's more of a mental tired as i'm physically doing things all day long.
there are a lot of things that still need to be worked thru here at the house with mom and dad... it's one day at a time decision making. i'm constantly warned about taking care of myself and please know this is happening as much as i am able. yes... there are things that aren't done well enough. i'm very much aware of what i need to do more of-- and i do those things at every opportunity. please understand, dear friends, that my job-- like yours, demands flexibility and time management. some days there is time to get it all done-- others, there just simply isn't... so they get done another day.
soooo... in this new month of thanksgiving, thank you for your support, your prayers, your concerns and voice. my life is blessed-- and with god's help, i plan on keeping it that way!!
may you and yours be blessed as well.
mom's MRI results came back-- she's been diagnosed with spinal stenosis. we're scheduled to see a specialist next monday to review what options she's got. thankfully the "spot" on her leg was swabbed and came back clear of staph-- a real relief as it started to appear when she returned from the hospital and of course.... all the press lately about those infections in hospitals has been on our minds and in our face. we follow up with her regular doc today to see what else she might need for the darn thing to heal.
dad continues to be mr. sleepy head. although i've managed to get him up each afternoon long enough that he tires well enough for a decent nights sleep-- this just wears on us. he's taken to wearing some pretty clever outfits this week-- i'm going with he's just playing along with the halloween spirit! because we're now over that time-- i'll go with him now creating a new fashion trend from this point forward.
i chatted with a friend on line awhile yesterday... was told that this blog should include more about how i'm doing. fear not good friends, i'm doing well. although i won't deny i feel tired more often, it's more of a mental tired as i'm physically doing things all day long.
there are a lot of things that still need to be worked thru here at the house with mom and dad... it's one day at a time decision making. i'm constantly warned about taking care of myself and please know this is happening as much as i am able. yes... there are things that aren't done well enough. i'm very much aware of what i need to do more of-- and i do those things at every opportunity. please understand, dear friends, that my job-- like yours, demands flexibility and time management. some days there is time to get it all done-- others, there just simply isn't... so they get done another day.
soooo... in this new month of thanksgiving, thank you for your support, your prayers, your concerns and voice. my life is blessed-- and with god's help, i plan on keeping it that way!!
may you and yours be blessed as well.
Monday, October 29, 2007
monday, 10/29/07
hectic weekend!! our roof is being put on throwing the pups in a tizzy! he's coming down here to hang with us and get out of the shaking, noisey house... mom and dad love banjo-- although he's enormous for them and his tail could be registered as a legal weapon. sasha weighs 6 pounds-- that's what they're used to having around!! the two tails respect each other and the jo has been nothing but a gentleman... it always fascinates me how animals know what humans need most-- be it a kiss, a nudge or simply checking out the situation. their intuition is amazing.
dad chose not to attend a special scottish rite luncheon on saturday. this is beyond different-- he's usually so happy to have such things on his calendar. of course his mind was on it all day as he went about asking where his badge was or his something else-- i can't remember the name of it. my brother was so upset by this.... it is upsetting-- but something that's becoming more the norm so we all must learn to roll with these punches to the gut without laboring over them.
brother was more than punchy yesterday during his visit... mom had a list of to do's and he sighed each time as if they were some great burden. naturally she let the sighs go while he was here and saved the banter for me.... that's ok-- at least she got it off her chest and didn't let it fester inside as she used to doing.
dad slept a great deal during brother's visit-- he came out when he knew i'd be here... and we stayed up a bit later to watch CSI on tv. now THAT was weird-- dad has never in his life watched shows other than PBS or news type television. for some reason he chuckled the whole way thru the show-- there was not too much funny stuff-- i'm still perplexed as to what he saw that made him chuckle...
we'll see if he wants to go to his rotary meeting today-- let's all pray.
dad chose not to attend a special scottish rite luncheon on saturday. this is beyond different-- he's usually so happy to have such things on his calendar. of course his mind was on it all day as he went about asking where his badge was or his something else-- i can't remember the name of it. my brother was so upset by this.... it is upsetting-- but something that's becoming more the norm so we all must learn to roll with these punches to the gut without laboring over them.
brother was more than punchy yesterday during his visit... mom had a list of to do's and he sighed each time as if they were some great burden. naturally she let the sighs go while he was here and saved the banter for me.... that's ok-- at least she got it off her chest and didn't let it fester inside as she used to doing.
dad slept a great deal during brother's visit-- he came out when he knew i'd be here... and we stayed up a bit later to watch CSI on tv. now THAT was weird-- dad has never in his life watched shows other than PBS or news type television. for some reason he chuckled the whole way thru the show-- there was not too much funny stuff-- i'm still perplexed as to what he saw that made him chuckle...
we'll see if he wants to go to his rotary meeting today-- let's all pray.
Friday, October 26, 2007
TGIF 10/26/07
sooo, arrived a bit early this morning to get a few things done before the fun began..... dad scared the daylights outta me when he spoke to me from the couch! he did his best to tell me he was all screwed up again... by that, he meant he didn't sleep well.
he said had gotten all wet and couldn't figure out where it was coming from... and, he was cold.
yup. i imagine you are cold when you're wet, on the couch in the front of the house where the heats turned down overnight and you're wearing only your undershorts and a backwards short sleeved shirt.
i got him covered with the blanket, told him i'd get his bedroom checked out and would be right back. he was right-- i found his bed that damp wet, not the fresh soaky wet.... he must have been on the couch since the early hours.
DARN! DOUBLE DARN!
he's now cleaned up in a clean bed sound asleep. but not before he inspected every inch of the ceiling in his room to see if it had rained inside.
because i had made mom wait in her room while i got dad straightened out, she had a lot of questions as to what was going on.... i swear there was deep sadness in her eyes.
could this mean something called love is still in her heart after all these years?! dad's disease and mom's physical challenges were holistically designed to bring hearts together before it was too late?
INDEED.
testimony... our life choices do come back around-- in time. and it's not necessarily on a path we'd like to walk!
it's another GO BUCKS weekend... yep, another late game-- oh the joy.
thanks to those forum-ers who've found my blog and have sent comments and support-- and books-- wahoo!! my sincere gratitude-- i'll get back to the forum when my head can handle it. in the meanwhile, each of you are in my daily prayers-- your personal journeys are amazing.
he said had gotten all wet and couldn't figure out where it was coming from... and, he was cold.
yup. i imagine you are cold when you're wet, on the couch in the front of the house where the heats turned down overnight and you're wearing only your undershorts and a backwards short sleeved shirt.
i got him covered with the blanket, told him i'd get his bedroom checked out and would be right back. he was right-- i found his bed that damp wet, not the fresh soaky wet.... he must have been on the couch since the early hours.
DARN! DOUBLE DARN!
he's now cleaned up in a clean bed sound asleep. but not before he inspected every inch of the ceiling in his room to see if it had rained inside.
because i had made mom wait in her room while i got dad straightened out, she had a lot of questions as to what was going on.... i swear there was deep sadness in her eyes.
could this mean something called love is still in her heart after all these years?! dad's disease and mom's physical challenges were holistically designed to bring hearts together before it was too late?
INDEED.
testimony... our life choices do come back around-- in time. and it's not necessarily on a path we'd like to walk!
it's another GO BUCKS weekend... yep, another late game-- oh the joy.
thanks to those forum-ers who've found my blog and have sent comments and support-- and books-- wahoo!! my sincere gratitude-- i'll get back to the forum when my head can handle it. in the meanwhile, each of you are in my daily prayers-- your personal journeys are amazing.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
thursday, 10/25/07
well... we're entering a new time warp! it's dark later in the morning... it's dark well before i return home at night... that affects me big time. further, dad's starting to hallucinate at night... 3 times over a weeks time, he's gotten up in the morning talking about things that are happening during the night. he's losing sleep and it's showing. time to get ahold of the doc to see what's next. i cringe as i know it'll mean yet one more pill and the symptoms that go along with it's ingestion.
mom looks at me with deer in the headlights when these conversations come up in the morning... i assured her this is normal for alz, yet it catches her unprepared to deal. with both parents going thru changes, neither can keep up with the others issues as their journeys are so personal and upfront in their own minds. two people, two different challenges, two different directions to go, two different demeanors, two different agendas. wouldn't it be a treat if once both were on the same cruiseline!!
dad is ready to travel and see family up north again-- he stated he would be ready to go at 8am tomorrow. once again, having to shut down his plans, i find myself feeling the same feelings i would if my child did something i have to address as confidently and firm as possible.... a tricky thing our minds-- this is my father sitting in front of me, not my child... this disease is terribly unfair.
warp on....
mom looks at me with deer in the headlights when these conversations come up in the morning... i assured her this is normal for alz, yet it catches her unprepared to deal. with both parents going thru changes, neither can keep up with the others issues as their journeys are so personal and upfront in their own minds. two people, two different challenges, two different directions to go, two different demeanors, two different agendas. wouldn't it be a treat if once both were on the same cruiseline!!
dad is ready to travel and see family up north again-- he stated he would be ready to go at 8am tomorrow. once again, having to shut down his plans, i find myself feeling the same feelings i would if my child did something i have to address as confidently and firm as possible.... a tricky thing our minds-- this is my father sitting in front of me, not my child... this disease is terribly unfair.
warp on....
Monday, October 22, 2007
monday, 10/21/07
sorry it's been awhile. with brother away and leaves falling it's been a busy time. not to forget i'm sharing my laptop with mom so she can play games....
this past week was a good one despite the schedule. dad and i managed to get out at least once a day and that helped keep his spirits up. by out, i mean get in the car and go... not just go outside and sit.
dad is sleeping a great deal and his breathing seems more laborous these days. he's not fighting a cold or anything... it's something to keep an eye on as it worries me. even sitting in his chair he breathes very heavy as if he's walked a mile.
we went to church yesterday and again, during hymns, dad wasn't able to follow the words the whole time. quiet tears came to me... thankfully they didn't flow but i did have to wipe some big ones away.
mom and her therapy continues although we're winding down. PT called her regular doctor to ask if they can continue on "his prescription" as they're now finding that the old aches when she stands up for a short period have returned. i guess they never left-- she's simply been sitting down for 2 months and hadn't had the chance to stand to know the ache was still there. anyway, the ache in her back when she stands prevents her from doing normal things like standing at the dishwasher so mom agreed to go to the doc for him to address.
the doc ordered an MRI and was able to secure an appt for saturday morning. we got there and gotta say- it was the most pleasant experience we've had yet at the hospital! in and out in an hour with very pleasant people. so now we wait for what's next.
hubby and i have been very busy coordinating work for the house. new gutters and soffits were installed last week. the roof gets done this saturday. the carpets were cleaned this past saturday. new glass block for basement windows and garage get installed next week and... bathtub and shower updates will be finished by the first of the year. oh! and some landscape clean up work begins next monday. it's been a whirlwind but all necessary and good. we wanted to get the outside done before winter arrives as we can have the inside stuff done anytime. tonight with any luck, brother returns and youngest son and i can paint his bedroom. he's moving to a new room... his new bed arrives tomorrow and he couldn't be more excited! his old room will be turned into the pups revamped hang out room and a reading room for me.
mom and dad love seeing and hearing about all we're doing at the house as it helps keep their minds off their daily challenges. hey-- it's my pleasure to help!! :)
this past week was a good one despite the schedule. dad and i managed to get out at least once a day and that helped keep his spirits up. by out, i mean get in the car and go... not just go outside and sit.
dad is sleeping a great deal and his breathing seems more laborous these days. he's not fighting a cold or anything... it's something to keep an eye on as it worries me. even sitting in his chair he breathes very heavy as if he's walked a mile.
we went to church yesterday and again, during hymns, dad wasn't able to follow the words the whole time. quiet tears came to me... thankfully they didn't flow but i did have to wipe some big ones away.
mom and her therapy continues although we're winding down. PT called her regular doctor to ask if they can continue on "his prescription" as they're now finding that the old aches when she stands up for a short period have returned. i guess they never left-- she's simply been sitting down for 2 months and hadn't had the chance to stand to know the ache was still there. anyway, the ache in her back when she stands prevents her from doing normal things like standing at the dishwasher so mom agreed to go to the doc for him to address.
the doc ordered an MRI and was able to secure an appt for saturday morning. we got there and gotta say- it was the most pleasant experience we've had yet at the hospital! in and out in an hour with very pleasant people. so now we wait for what's next.
hubby and i have been very busy coordinating work for the house. new gutters and soffits were installed last week. the roof gets done this saturday. the carpets were cleaned this past saturday. new glass block for basement windows and garage get installed next week and... bathtub and shower updates will be finished by the first of the year. oh! and some landscape clean up work begins next monday. it's been a whirlwind but all necessary and good. we wanted to get the outside done before winter arrives as we can have the inside stuff done anytime. tonight with any luck, brother returns and youngest son and i can paint his bedroom. he's moving to a new room... his new bed arrives tomorrow and he couldn't be more excited! his old room will be turned into the pups revamped hang out room and a reading room for me.
mom and dad love seeing and hearing about all we're doing at the house as it helps keep their minds off their daily challenges. hey-- it's my pleasure to help!! :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
wednesday, 10/17/07
oops- things are so "normal" around here i haven't bothered to update y'all.... sorry!
we've got some fall weather finally-- sort of refreshing! although the rest of this week calls for rain, we'll take what comes.
nothing too new happening-- mainly our regular doctor, PT, OT appointments... everyone maintaining their cruise mode. dad is looking for my brother more as the days go by tho-- hopefully brother will call to say hi soon.
mom and i are sharing my laptop now-- i get it in the morning, she gets it each afternoon to play her games, check email, etc. no use buying one for mom as this is working out fine. mom wants to start taking it to her bedroom at night because she gets bored reading... shouldn't be a problem at all-- just need to add that to our "redecorating" plans already in motion. i have already cleared out a lot of stuff from the room-- now mom needs to tell me what she wants to move where. no money redecorating... there's plenty of items in the house we can put to use.
OH! mom has graduated to using her walker again (part-time)... although the doc said to take things slow because she's still working on that strength thing, the therapists were excited to get the all clear! no driving yet-- that's not unexpected... but caused a bit of an attitude for an hour or so. thankfully i was able to coaxe mom into using her scooter to go get the mail with me.... an accomplishment that made mom feel good, but.... showed her first hand why she's not allowed to drive yet! nothing has been mentioned since. (HA!)
dad's not been eating his regular 3 squares this week-- although if i give it a 24-hour consideration, he makes up for it! when he doesn't eat much during the day, he raids the refrigerator at night!! having been down this road before, the food in the refrig is ready for his grabbing... our lil mouse in the house-- too funny.
we've got some fall weather finally-- sort of refreshing! although the rest of this week calls for rain, we'll take what comes.
nothing too new happening-- mainly our regular doctor, PT, OT appointments... everyone maintaining their cruise mode. dad is looking for my brother more as the days go by tho-- hopefully brother will call to say hi soon.
mom and i are sharing my laptop now-- i get it in the morning, she gets it each afternoon to play her games, check email, etc. no use buying one for mom as this is working out fine. mom wants to start taking it to her bedroom at night because she gets bored reading... shouldn't be a problem at all-- just need to add that to our "redecorating" plans already in motion. i have already cleared out a lot of stuff from the room-- now mom needs to tell me what she wants to move where. no money redecorating... there's plenty of items in the house we can put to use.
OH! mom has graduated to using her walker again (part-time)... although the doc said to take things slow because she's still working on that strength thing, the therapists were excited to get the all clear! no driving yet-- that's not unexpected... but caused a bit of an attitude for an hour or so. thankfully i was able to coaxe mom into using her scooter to go get the mail with me.... an accomplishment that made mom feel good, but.... showed her first hand why she's not allowed to drive yet! nothing has been mentioned since. (HA!)
dad's not been eating his regular 3 squares this week-- although if i give it a 24-hour consideration, he makes up for it! when he doesn't eat much during the day, he raids the refrigerator at night!! having been down this road before, the food in the refrig is ready for his grabbing... our lil mouse in the house-- too funny.
Friday, October 12, 2007
friday, 10/12/07
it's chilly here today and dad wanted to wear his shorts.....
we picked up his fave subway sandwich-- dad stuck it in his pocket then fed it to the cats....
he's missing a lot of words and connections today....
mattress pads & bedsheets have been washed and put back on-- twice....
brother is away for the next ten days....
everyone have a wonderful weekend!! go bucks!!
we picked up his fave subway sandwich-- dad stuck it in his pocket then fed it to the cats....
he's missing a lot of words and connections today....
mattress pads & bedsheets have been washed and put back on-- twice....
brother is away for the next ten days....
everyone have a wonderful weekend!! go bucks!!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
thursday, 10/11/07
where do the days go?! things have been pretty "normal" around here yet time passes quickly-- a blessing.
dad and i managed to run a bunch of errands yesterday... it was good to get him out and see a couple of people and pick up some goodies from his favorite lil market. we were wayyy overdue in getting him out and he's been quite the trooper waiting for this time to arrive.
today, we scheduled a lunch for dad.... this will give me time to do something special for mom as she's not been able to get out this week at all.
it seems we all have a lot of time to think these days. sure, there's plenty going on... in fact, a lot going on (!!) but most of those things are solitary in nature-- each of our minds just turn on and churn. each day i go thru the reprocussions of these thoughts... it's a bit of a challenge for me-- i deal with my own thoughts and absorb mom and dads too... not forgetting i also have a husband and children who also have things on their minds. this balancing act is more of a challenge than my former workplace(s)-- it's much more personal. while i can see how others view this as a unhealthy thing for me... i couldn't disagree more!
as a woman in her mid-40's... i've finally entered a very real place. this place usually finds women in their 50's or 60's. how blessed am i?!! (VERY blessed, thank you very much!) i know exactly who i am.. i know both my strengths and weaknesses and am at complete peace with both. i know who's with me and who's not-- although that one came with a few surprises. i know who and what to trust-- i know when to push forward and when to hold back-- and find great comfort knowing my gut is always right. yep, there are a lot of plans to be made. some are inclusive, some are exclusive... some will be understood, others won't be-- and i'm ok with that!
for this revelation-- for these gifts and blessings.... thank you mom and dad. thank you god. this path i'm on... is one that's understood. how kewl is that?!
dad and i managed to run a bunch of errands yesterday... it was good to get him out and see a couple of people and pick up some goodies from his favorite lil market. we were wayyy overdue in getting him out and he's been quite the trooper waiting for this time to arrive.
today, we scheduled a lunch for dad.... this will give me time to do something special for mom as she's not been able to get out this week at all.
it seems we all have a lot of time to think these days. sure, there's plenty going on... in fact, a lot going on (!!) but most of those things are solitary in nature-- each of our minds just turn on and churn. each day i go thru the reprocussions of these thoughts... it's a bit of a challenge for me-- i deal with my own thoughts and absorb mom and dads too... not forgetting i also have a husband and children who also have things on their minds. this balancing act is more of a challenge than my former workplace(s)-- it's much more personal. while i can see how others view this as a unhealthy thing for me... i couldn't disagree more!
as a woman in her mid-40's... i've finally entered a very real place. this place usually finds women in their 50's or 60's. how blessed am i?!! (VERY blessed, thank you very much!) i know exactly who i am.. i know both my strengths and weaknesses and am at complete peace with both. i know who's with me and who's not-- although that one came with a few surprises. i know who and what to trust-- i know when to push forward and when to hold back-- and find great comfort knowing my gut is always right. yep, there are a lot of plans to be made. some are inclusive, some are exclusive... some will be understood, others won't be-- and i'm ok with that!
for this revelation-- for these gifts and blessings.... thank you mom and dad. thank you god. this path i'm on... is one that's understood. how kewl is that?!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
saturday, 10/6/07
today is one good day! everyone seems to be happy and doing things they enjoy doing.
it sure is a hot one here-- we're due to set a record for this date today. it's 86 on our thermometer. dad sat outside for awhile this morning-- he's inside this afternoon as the humidity can kick ones butt!
mom had a nice visit with a friend from church. while the girls chatted, dad and i ran over to have lunch with hubby, and both sons. this was nice. hubby and both sons had the once in a lifetime opportunity to see the tribe playoff game up in cleveland yesterday... they sat 10 rows behind homeplate! imagine their surprise and elation! not forgetting, of course, the win in the 11th inning-- 2 for 2... go wahoos!!
dad got to hear all the good stories they relived during lunch... midway thru i think he tuned them out as the talk was too fast... but he smiled and chuckled the whole time.
tonight the buckeyes play purdue at 8pm... i hate these late games!! dad naturally wants to stay up to watch.... and i'm ok with that as he always goes back to his bed when he's tired... but mom is already in her bedroom by that time and worrying that dad's not in his room yet! all those what if's come into play. i've learned that i must take a walk down here during halftime to ensure dad's not still up and the lights are off, etc..... so far so good.
it sure is a hot one here-- we're due to set a record for this date today. it's 86 on our thermometer. dad sat outside for awhile this morning-- he's inside this afternoon as the humidity can kick ones butt!
mom had a nice visit with a friend from church. while the girls chatted, dad and i ran over to have lunch with hubby, and both sons. this was nice. hubby and both sons had the once in a lifetime opportunity to see the tribe playoff game up in cleveland yesterday... they sat 10 rows behind homeplate! imagine their surprise and elation! not forgetting, of course, the win in the 11th inning-- 2 for 2... go wahoos!!
dad got to hear all the good stories they relived during lunch... midway thru i think he tuned them out as the talk was too fast... but he smiled and chuckled the whole time.
tonight the buckeyes play purdue at 8pm... i hate these late games!! dad naturally wants to stay up to watch.... and i'm ok with that as he always goes back to his bed when he's tired... but mom is already in her bedroom by that time and worrying that dad's not in his room yet! all those what if's come into play. i've learned that i must take a walk down here during halftime to ensure dad's not still up and the lights are off, etc..... so far so good.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
thursday, 10/4/07
it's hard making more than one person happy. take two former very independent people, give 'em a challenge or two that changes their life and let the dice roll......
uh huh. roll they did.
at 10:30am, dad announced that his bag was packed and he was ready to leave for kalamazoo. we were to take off at noon and we'd return saturday-- and, we would be bringing some people back with us. he wants to see uncle bud-- bad!
at 11:30am, mom was in tears. we sat in the kitchen planning to get the mail from her office-- the conversation got disconnected. she's talking and talking and i'm scratching my head more and more not getting why this small errand was as difficult as it was being described. finally i said "mom, there's information missing somewhere in this conversation. i'm so confused!" she was stunned by my remark, stared at me, then the sobbing started.
ok, so it's 7pm and everyone is still here at home in their respective places. each crisis averted as best as possible but everyone is still upset.
has anyone ordered that replacement crystal ball for me? with mine broken, i'm really missing it. i'll gladly pay for express shipping.
uh huh. roll they did.
at 10:30am, dad announced that his bag was packed and he was ready to leave for kalamazoo. we were to take off at noon and we'd return saturday-- and, we would be bringing some people back with us. he wants to see uncle bud-- bad!
at 11:30am, mom was in tears. we sat in the kitchen planning to get the mail from her office-- the conversation got disconnected. she's talking and talking and i'm scratching my head more and more not getting why this small errand was as difficult as it was being described. finally i said "mom, there's information missing somewhere in this conversation. i'm so confused!" she was stunned by my remark, stared at me, then the sobbing started.
ok, so it's 7pm and everyone is still here at home in their respective places. each crisis averted as best as possible but everyone is still upset.
has anyone ordered that replacement crystal ball for me? with mine broken, i'm really missing it. i'll gladly pay for express shipping.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
tuesday, october 2, 2007
black buttons- our original remote (with the fingernail polish and arrow).
white buttons- the remote our cable company dropped off today.
take my poll...
did the cable company help us?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
sunday, 9/30/07
took dad to church this morning... he followed things pretty well. it was an interesting moment when he decided to pay a visit to a member centurian.... i held my breath-- he tapped her on the shoulder, said hello and returned to his seat. eh, sermon, swermon... whew!
unfortunately, with a bunch of new members and a new senior minister, the church was packed. yes, i said unfortunately. while this is a nice problem to have, it's a problem for parking and for elders who are used to sitting in the same place all the time. today we dealt with both... thankfully dad rolled with it.
dad's on a roll to get things done around the house still.... pruning this, filling that, picking up those. i try to keep up with everything but obviously it's not fast enough for dad! i did manage to get all the walnuts thrown in the brook and i'm sore as i sit here... but tomorrow, when dad goes back outside i'm sure he'll bring the pruning to my attention!
mom had a rough time during brothers visit today-- she's recovered. both have mule stubborn natures; i'm sure it was unpleasant for both... i didn't ask-- looking at both sets of eyes, i headed toward the walnuts.. figured they were safer territory.
ohh- i finally filled out the disabled placard form.... i'll send it to the doc tomorrow. it'll come in handy for mom when she gets her wheels back... and for dad and me when we go to church! haha (those spots weren't even available today-- we have centurians as members for heavens sake!!)
unfortunately, with a bunch of new members and a new senior minister, the church was packed. yes, i said unfortunately. while this is a nice problem to have, it's a problem for parking and for elders who are used to sitting in the same place all the time. today we dealt with both... thankfully dad rolled with it.
dad's on a roll to get things done around the house still.... pruning this, filling that, picking up those. i try to keep up with everything but obviously it's not fast enough for dad! i did manage to get all the walnuts thrown in the brook and i'm sore as i sit here... but tomorrow, when dad goes back outside i'm sure he'll bring the pruning to my attention!
mom had a rough time during brothers visit today-- she's recovered. both have mule stubborn natures; i'm sure it was unpleasant for both... i didn't ask-- looking at both sets of eyes, i headed toward the walnuts.. figured they were safer territory.
ohh- i finally filled out the disabled placard form.... i'll send it to the doc tomorrow. it'll come in handy for mom when she gets her wheels back... and for dad and me when we go to church! haha (those spots weren't even available today-- we have centurians as members for heavens sake!!)
Saturday, September 29, 2007
saturday, 9/29/2007
ok, so here's one of the things i've been dealing with recently. dad is having a lot of trouble remembering how to turn the tv on and off. it's one button- but.... for anyone who has cable, you understand the cable remote has like 40 buttons.... so i get his problem. it's tough enough for those of us with sound minds, ya know? i thought i solved the problem by gluing a button on the on/off button... the button came off, moving along to solution two. red fingernail polish.
the other problem we're experiencing is when dad wants to change channels he's actually blocking the channels he goes to. we're down to only a few of the normal 300 channels to choose from now. the good news is he hasn't blocked PBS- his favorite channel. don't ask me how this hasn't happened yet as it's truly the only channel he constantly tries to find!
so at first i'm like- hey no big deal, i'll just unblock the channels. for those of you know know me personally, you know i used to work for one of the big cable companies... so this should be no problem.
w-r-o-n-g.
it's not that easy cuz DUH!! you need a PIN. wellllllll... no one here has put in a PIN for parental blocking purposes. so start over at square one... call the cable company.
now this is where i may get furious reliving the experiences, so bear with me while i retell the story.... i'll try to keep it short and clean.
first, i'm on hold. ok.
i finally get to what i think is the end of the que, i heard an actual voice... then, dial tone.
i call back... yup, i'm on hold. ok.
BAM! dial tone.
by this time, the situation is creating a life of it's own. i'm thinking- hey! i should call someone i know over there and backdoor this thing.
hearing the angel on my right shoulder.... nooo, don't do that. you don't work there anymore. be patient and try again.
oops- mom needs help first. ohhh- here comes dad... he needs help, too.
that's done. call again. on hold.
wait- KEWL! a human!! hi! this is katmir, i used to work in business class by the way..... how are you today? good, good. oh we're doing well, too, thanks. hey, we have a problem we need help with- may i run something by you? ohh good, thanks.
i'm thinking so far so good. then that angel on my right shoulder tells me to tell my story straight out... honesty is the best policy, so i begin... this isn't for me, you understand, this is a problem at my parents house. they're both elderly and under my care and......
i'm interrupted.
ma'am, let me stop you right there... if you aren't on the account you're calling about, there's probably nothing i can do to help you. i hope you understand and i'm sorry.
i reply with.... umm, i certainly understand policies and the precautions you must take, but if you don't mind hearing me out for a minute, i'm sure you will understand this is a minor issue that can be easily resolved.
ma'am, again i'm sorry. you've already said this is about your parents account. unless you are authorized to speak on their behalf, i'm afraid we are unable to help you. now, if the person listed on the account is available and can speak to me and verify some information, then i will be very happy to assist you.
umm, ok, well that would be my dad... however... (dad is in his chair and can hear me, so how do i say this without hurting him). ya know, never mind. i will have dad call you back at a more convenient time for him, may i get your name?
ohh- anyone here can assist him. thank you for calling. have a nice day.
after an hour or so, i tell dad we need to call the cable company. i think i explained what he needed to do on the phone call, so dialed and prayed...
yes. yes. thank you. no. yes, (614) 224... (no dad, that's your office phone, it's (614) 876...) oh yes, sorry, it's... yes, jim. yes. yes. my SS#? it's 4500 du. (uh, dad... not your address, they are asking for your last four- like what what we give at the VA) oh yes. ok. you'll need to speak with scott, he's got that information. like scott said earlier, the newspaper doesn't have a button and it needs to be scored.
the agnel on my left shoulder is saying.... you idiot. see what you did?!! what were you thinking?
i reached over, hugged dad and took the phone. i said thank you, you did great!
click. i hung up. this morning i emailed a manager i know at the cable company. her father also has alzheimer's.... at one time, she said to let her know if there was anything she could do. i figured it was time to see if she meant it.
another thing dad and i do a lot of.... and i mean, realllllly a lot of.... is opening and closing cupboards and doors. he needs to make sure everything is inside that is supposed to be inside. and, further, he needs to make sure i know that the doors are closed. if they don't close- as in latch, we open and close and open and close until i assure him it will stay closed until someone pulls it open-- to which, he promptly decides is his task to do for me.
we turn lights on and off... we check faucets.... we check clothes drawers.... we move shoes and coats. dad was always a person who had everything in it's place- so this stuff doesn't surprise me at all. but.... it's wearing on me to do these things a thousand times over the course of a day. yes, my friends.... alzheimers.
it's go bucks saturday. a beauty. hope everyone is having a great weekend! dad and mom will be listening to the game on the radio.
the other problem we're experiencing is when dad wants to change channels he's actually blocking the channels he goes to. we're down to only a few of the normal 300 channels to choose from now. the good news is he hasn't blocked PBS- his favorite channel. don't ask me how this hasn't happened yet as it's truly the only channel he constantly tries to find!
so at first i'm like- hey no big deal, i'll just unblock the channels. for those of you know know me personally, you know i used to work for one of the big cable companies... so this should be no problem.
w-r-o-n-g.
it's not that easy cuz DUH!! you need a PIN. wellllllll... no one here has put in a PIN for parental blocking purposes. so start over at square one... call the cable company.
now this is where i may get furious reliving the experiences, so bear with me while i retell the story.... i'll try to keep it short and clean.
first, i'm on hold. ok.
i finally get to what i think is the end of the que, i heard an actual voice... then, dial tone.
i call back... yup, i'm on hold. ok.
BAM! dial tone.
by this time, the situation is creating a life of it's own. i'm thinking- hey! i should call someone i know over there and backdoor this thing.
oops- mom needs help first. ohhh- here comes dad... he needs help, too.
that's done. call again. on hold.
wait- KEWL! a human!! hi! this is katmir, i used to work in business class by the way..... how are you today? good, good. oh we're doing well, too, thanks. hey, we have a problem we need help with- may i run something by you? ohh good, thanks.
i'm thinking so far so good. then that angel on my right shoulder tells me to tell my story straight out... honesty is the best policy, so i begin... this isn't for me, you understand, this is a problem at my parents house. they're both elderly and under my care and......
i'm interrupted.
ma'am, let me stop you right there... if you aren't on the account you're calling about, there's probably nothing i can do to help you. i hope you understand and i'm sorry.
i reply with.... umm, i certainly understand policies and the precautions you must take, but if you don't mind hearing me out for a minute, i'm sure you will understand this is a minor issue that can be easily resolved.
ma'am, again i'm sorry. you've already said this is about your parents account. unless you are authorized to speak on their behalf, i'm afraid we are unable to help you. now, if the person listed on the account is available and can speak to me and verify some information, then i will be very happy to assist you.
umm, ok, well that would be my dad... however... (dad is in his chair and can hear me, so how do i say this without hurting him). ya know, never mind. i will have dad call you back at a more convenient time for him, may i get your name?
ohh- anyone here can assist him. thank you for calling. have a nice day.
after an hour or so, i tell dad we need to call the cable company. i think i explained what he needed to do on the phone call, so dialed and prayed...
yes. yes. thank you. no. yes, (614) 224... (no dad, that's your office phone, it's (614) 876...) oh yes, sorry, it's... yes, jim. yes. yes. my SS#? it's 4500 du. (uh, dad... not your address, they are asking for your last four- like what what we give at the VA) oh yes. ok. you'll need to speak with scott, he's got that information. like scott said earlier, the newspaper doesn't have a button and it needs to be scored.
i reached over, hugged dad and took the phone. i said thank you, you did great!
click. i hung up. this morning i emailed a manager i know at the cable company. her father also has alzheimer's.... at one time, she said to let her know if there was anything she could do. i figured it was time to see if she meant it.
another thing dad and i do a lot of.... and i mean, realllllly a lot of.... is opening and closing cupboards and doors. he needs to make sure everything is inside that is supposed to be inside. and, further, he needs to make sure i know that the doors are closed. if they don't close- as in latch, we open and close and open and close until i assure him it will stay closed until someone pulls it open-- to which, he promptly decides is his task to do for me.
we turn lights on and off... we check faucets.... we check clothes drawers.... we move shoes and coats. dad was always a person who had everything in it's place- so this stuff doesn't surprise me at all. but.... it's wearing on me to do these things a thousand times over the course of a day. yes, my friends.... alzheimers.
it's go bucks saturday. a beauty. hope everyone is having a great weekend! dad and mom will be listening to the game on the radio.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
thursday, 9/27/2007
had a nice visit from the reverend again today. a perfect day for his visit as we had no home healthcare invasions!
a lot has been on my mind recently-- haven't posted them for one reason or another.... mainly because i haven't thought everything all the way thru yet. nothing epiphany related or anything... just thoughts about blessings, family and friends.
dad slept most of the morning after breakfast due to the lovely rain (we needed)-- i think i learned to enjoy the rain from dad... i find it of great comfort and would have dearly loved to do exactly what dad did.
each day dad is having more trouble finding words to tell me what he wants.... today his words were very random and although he never once got outwardly frustrated, he quickly got quiet then either just sat or got up to go back to the bedroom. just a little while ago, he gestured to get up-- so i helped him.... thinking he was heading back to his room.... the television must have irritated his thoughts as all that was required was turning it off (which i always do the moment he gets up)-- he sat back down immediately without a word and is watching the sun go down.
dad was pretty good with the reverend.... the reverend is wise anymore on what to do during a visit now. he shares other friends hello, various church stories, going ons, thoughts.... leaving just enough room for participation... he is cautious and introduces another item to share when i don't try to help fill in the blanks of dad's commentary.... the good reverend has easily learned that means it's time to move onto another topic. we've both-- during those times, simply saved face.... and more important, one other person's dignity.
god bless those who understand without question. i think the church found a good senior minister.... much gratitude to our heavenly father who pointed his way to us.
a lot has been on my mind recently-- haven't posted them for one reason or another.... mainly because i haven't thought everything all the way thru yet. nothing epiphany related or anything... just thoughts about blessings, family and friends.
dad slept most of the morning after breakfast due to the lovely rain (we needed)-- i think i learned to enjoy the rain from dad... i find it of great comfort and would have dearly loved to do exactly what dad did.
each day dad is having more trouble finding words to tell me what he wants.... today his words were very random and although he never once got outwardly frustrated, he quickly got quiet then either just sat or got up to go back to the bedroom. just a little while ago, he gestured to get up-- so i helped him.... thinking he was heading back to his room.... the television must have irritated his thoughts as all that was required was turning it off (which i always do the moment he gets up)-- he sat back down immediately without a word and is watching the sun go down.
dad was pretty good with the reverend.... the reverend is wise anymore on what to do during a visit now. he shares other friends hello, various church stories, going ons, thoughts.... leaving just enough room for participation... he is cautious and introduces another item to share when i don't try to help fill in the blanks of dad's commentary.... the good reverend has easily learned that means it's time to move onto another topic. we've both-- during those times, simply saved face.... and more important, one other person's dignity.
god bless those who understand without question. i think the church found a good senior minister.... much gratitude to our heavenly father who pointed his way to us.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
wednesday, 9/26/2007
took dad and mom out for sundaes yesterday... we had a great time and sure was yummy. learned a couple more things... dad is one lean mean peeing machine; when mom's done with her meal (or in this case, sundae)- everyone must also be done and it's time to go; neither parent can walk 30 feet without stopping- making it interesting to hold onto two people at the same time.
so guess it's time to get ahold of the doc and ask him to sign off on a disabled placard allowing us to park in handicapped parking spaces. shouldn't have a problem with that-- perhaps i shoulda done this earlier but never found it necessary.
dad was exhausted after our outing... he was fine for the first half hour then went downhill from there... he ended up going to sleep on the couch for 45 minutes, then decided it was time for bed. naturally he paid the price for such an early bedtime-- we had a storm here last night around 730pm that woke him and... he woke up again in the wee hours. i'm sure today will be catch up day but he's doing fine so far.
mom's more tired today, too. doesn't help she has both therapy appointments this morning- one done and one happening as i type. and, no breakfast in her tummy. she's handling it fine with the therapists but outside of their ears, i'm her target. good times.
have a trip to the VA with dad this afternoon- with any luck his blood levels will be back to normal. we've had two weeks to recover soooo... here's hoping!
so guess it's time to get ahold of the doc and ask him to sign off on a disabled placard allowing us to park in handicapped parking spaces. shouldn't have a problem with that-- perhaps i shoulda done this earlier but never found it necessary.
dad was exhausted after our outing... he was fine for the first half hour then went downhill from there... he ended up going to sleep on the couch for 45 minutes, then decided it was time for bed. naturally he paid the price for such an early bedtime-- we had a storm here last night around 730pm that woke him and... he woke up again in the wee hours. i'm sure today will be catch up day but he's doing fine so far.
mom's more tired today, too. doesn't help she has both therapy appointments this morning- one done and one happening as i type. and, no breakfast in her tummy. she's handling it fine with the therapists but outside of their ears, i'm her target. good times.
have a trip to the VA with dad this afternoon- with any luck his blood levels will be back to normal. we've had two weeks to recover soooo... here's hoping!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
sunday, 9/23/07
another pretty good day!
dad went to church with brother and then out to lunch.... he enjoyed sitting outside much of the day-- it was gorgeous under his shadetrees. he's messing up a lot of words-- but it was easy to figure out what he was getting at today. blessings!!
i've got to be careful about serving his dinners outside... he's more likely to feed the cats than himself! the cats had taken to "stalking" him recently... ahhhh- it's all clear now!! too funny. ohh silly me.
tomorrow's monday- hope it's good week week for everyone... god bless.
dad went to church with brother and then out to lunch.... he enjoyed sitting outside much of the day-- it was gorgeous under his shadetrees. he's messing up a lot of words-- but it was easy to figure out what he was getting at today. blessings!!
i've got to be careful about serving his dinners outside... he's more likely to feed the cats than himself! the cats had taken to "stalking" him recently... ahhhh- it's all clear now!! too funny. ohh silly me.
tomorrow's monday- hope it's good week week for everyone... god bless.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
saturday, 9/22/07
go bucks!
whatta difference 12 hours makes.... although neighborhood parties were determined to keep us all awake until all hours, i was able to refresh and create my blessings list. can i just say WOW?!! my life is really pretty darn blessed!
i've made some decisions for myself; they will be tough but doable. step one of my "x" step program!! :) haha
dad greeted me at the door this morning... because he was up so early he's already gone back for a rest. mom seems to be fine and in relatively good spirits so today begins a new refreshed everything.
the biggest lesson i learned overnight was my co-dependence returned because i was putting myself into a too much information domain. i got totally sucked in and BAM! the sinkhole grew. i cannot control how others think, feel or do the things they do. i can only control me, my attitude and decisions. therefore, i will once again, do my best to not worry or fester about things out of my control. welcome back me! it's a renovated katmir no dumping zone!!
whatta difference 12 hours makes.... although neighborhood parties were determined to keep us all awake until all hours, i was able to refresh and create my blessings list. can i just say WOW?!! my life is really pretty darn blessed!
i've made some decisions for myself; they will be tough but doable. step one of my "x" step program!! :) haha
dad greeted me at the door this morning... because he was up so early he's already gone back for a rest. mom seems to be fine and in relatively good spirits so today begins a new refreshed everything.
the biggest lesson i learned overnight was my co-dependence returned because i was putting myself into a too much information domain. i got totally sucked in and BAM! the sinkhole grew. i cannot control how others think, feel or do the things they do. i can only control me, my attitude and decisions. therefore, i will once again, do my best to not worry or fester about things out of my control. welcome back me! it's a renovated katmir no dumping zone!!
Friday, September 21, 2007
TGIF 9/21/07
soooo tired.
this week, as with the past couple of weeks, it seems i'm surrounded by crap. normally i maneuver away from this stuff faster than one can blink an eye.... i have no room for it. but, i can't seem to move fast enough to get it out of my life!
today was a great dad day... outside, i'm as happy as i can be. inside, i'm irritated and over "it" -- whatever it happens to be... there are too many it's. and because of this, i didn't get to enjoy dad's great day as much as i wanted to. another irritation.
there seems to be a lot of stress and sadness in those i'm surrounded by on line and at home. because i'm a bit co-dependant, i take much of others feelings on as my own... yes, i was in therapy eons ago when i got divorced. :) the weird thing is... in these past 10 years, i've done real well letting others deal with their "it's" and didn't let it consume me as i once did. so why now.... is it consuming me again?
here's the answer. i'm watching my parents struggle with major stuff everyday. when i finally get home, i get immediately hit with hubby (or SD or MIL) issues. so i listen to them and help as best i can..... but... not being a part of the issue- i'm always wrong somehow anyway..... i'm tired of always having to deal with it when 99% of the issues don't have anything to do with anyone else but the 3 of them! seriously, i don't get that. i find it exhausting to be around and dream of escaping-- somehow, somewhere. not kidding-- every day this goes on!!
i find it interesting that not one of my kids have given me a scrap of this crap. i find great comfort talking to anyone of the 3. last night i had a dream it was just the four of us again. no SD or hubby was around. i woke up feeling so... well..... happy. it took 10 minutes for hubby to rain on the parade... crap!
well, so much for this posting. i must get out to the barn, do the chores, sit on the hay bales and pray my head off. tonight, instead of reading.... i'm writing out all the blessings in my life- it's time i did this again..... i need to see just how many there really are. i know there's a bunch-- just can't see 'em at the moment!!
bear with me...... (please).
this week, as with the past couple of weeks, it seems i'm surrounded by crap. normally i maneuver away from this stuff faster than one can blink an eye.... i have no room for it. but, i can't seem to move fast enough to get it out of my life!
today was a great dad day... outside, i'm as happy as i can be. inside, i'm irritated and over "it" -- whatever it happens to be... there are too many it's. and because of this, i didn't get to enjoy dad's great day as much as i wanted to. another irritation.
there seems to be a lot of stress and sadness in those i'm surrounded by on line and at home. because i'm a bit co-dependant, i take much of others feelings on as my own... yes, i was in therapy eons ago when i got divorced. :) the weird thing is... in these past 10 years, i've done real well letting others deal with their "it's" and didn't let it consume me as i once did. so why now.... is it consuming me again?
here's the answer. i'm watching my parents struggle with major stuff everyday. when i finally get home, i get immediately hit with hubby (or SD or MIL) issues. so i listen to them and help as best i can..... but... not being a part of the issue- i'm always wrong somehow anyway..... i'm tired of always having to deal with it when 99% of the issues don't have anything to do with anyone else but the 3 of them! seriously, i don't get that. i find it exhausting to be around and dream of escaping-- somehow, somewhere. not kidding-- every day this goes on!!
i find it interesting that not one of my kids have given me a scrap of this crap. i find great comfort talking to anyone of the 3. last night i had a dream it was just the four of us again. no SD or hubby was around. i woke up feeling so... well..... happy. it took 10 minutes for hubby to rain on the parade... crap!
well, so much for this posting. i must get out to the barn, do the chores, sit on the hay bales and pray my head off. tonight, instead of reading.... i'm writing out all the blessings in my life- it's time i did this again..... i need to see just how many there really are. i know there's a bunch-- just can't see 'em at the moment!!
bear with me...... (please).
Thursday, September 20, 2007
thursday, 9/20/07
mom's new wheelchair arrived... it's built so she can use her feet/legs to move it thru the house. this new thing coincides with the leg strengthening PT is working so hard with her on each week. no longer do i get called to get her to the bathroom-- unless, she's tired from all her workouts.... which is 50% of the time, but hey-- 50% beats 0% every time! bottom line, it's one more bit of independence for her.
dad has withdrawn a bit-- he's tired again this week so seems to be sleeping a bit more... but nothing i'm too concerned about. the bump on his jaw has completely gone away-- that was sure something but i've concluded it definitely was a spider or bug bite. it came and went too quickly for it to be anything more. today is shower day so i'm sure that will make him feel more fresh and chipper. i've already stripped the beds-- a shower and clean bed should make for smiles. thank god for his continued gentle demeanor. i'm so blessed.... he's my hero. sure miss our conversations tho-- seems like yesterday we were chatting away about thought provoking stuff. saying that, guess not much has changed-- our conversations are still thought provoking... gotta give credit for the ability to feed shoes.
dad has withdrawn a bit-- he's tired again this week so seems to be sleeping a bit more... but nothing i'm too concerned about. the bump on his jaw has completely gone away-- that was sure something but i've concluded it definitely was a spider or bug bite. it came and went too quickly for it to be anything more. today is shower day so i'm sure that will make him feel more fresh and chipper. i've already stripped the beds-- a shower and clean bed should make for smiles. thank god for his continued gentle demeanor. i'm so blessed.... he's my hero. sure miss our conversations tho-- seems like yesterday we were chatting away about thought provoking stuff. saying that, guess not much has changed-- our conversations are still thought provoking... gotta give credit for the ability to feed shoes.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
tuesday, 9/18/07
inspiration to write has been hard to find recently-- sorry for this but i think i've got it back.
before continuing, please take a moment to pray for a fellow caregiver who's lost a dear, dear friend of 32-years to alzheimer's disease. the trials lori has gone thru with helen would boggle your mind... yet, the death part of this journey has ended... now she must deal with moving on with grief in her heart. she'll need strength, friends. hold her close in your thoughts.
david hyde pierce (of frazier fame) is an advocate for our dreaded disease. here's a link to his recent interview... http://www.neurologynow.com/pt/re/neuronow/fulltext.012...earchid=1&nav=search
oh- 9/21 is world alzheimer's day.... wear purple and support people surrounded by this disease.
dad is in cruise mode-- our rollercoaster ride of recent days is over for now. we sat outside and talked yesterday afternoon... a gorgeous day! did you see the balloon with the tire? if you did, perhaps you can tell me where the sock is on the water.....
before continuing, please take a moment to pray for a fellow caregiver who's lost a dear, dear friend of 32-years to alzheimer's disease. the trials lori has gone thru with helen would boggle your mind... yet, the death part of this journey has ended... now she must deal with moving on with grief in her heart. she'll need strength, friends. hold her close in your thoughts.
david hyde pierce (of frazier fame) is an advocate for our dreaded disease. here's a link to his recent interview... http://www.neurologynow.com/pt/re/neuronow/fulltext.012...earchid=1&nav=search
oh- 9/21 is world alzheimer's day.... wear purple and support people surrounded by this disease.
dad is in cruise mode-- our rollercoaster ride of recent days is over for now. we sat outside and talked yesterday afternoon... a gorgeous day! did you see the balloon with the tire? if you did, perhaps you can tell me where the sock is on the water.....
Saturday, September 15, 2007
GO BUCKS saturday, 9/15/07
pretty normal saturday.... a bit more laundry to do than normal, but no harm there. been running all day yet managed to sit down with dad for lunch... nice! i've missed that! mom is alright now but was miffed earlier- although she didn't want to share what the problem was, i'm glad it's behind us. dad made it thru the first half of the football game-- he's since gone back to rest. hope he gets up soon or he'll be in for a long restless night. i might have to help this a bit... perhaps the puppy can make some noise....
hubby's having a difficult time recently... seems all i hear is negativity. while i certainly understand where he's coming from, it's exhausting having to point out the brighter side of things.... seriously, honey, time out for some good stuff. perhaps i'm in the minority (i would be disputed on my forum), yet i really believe it takes more energy being negative than it does being positive. see... i'm a god-fearing kinda girl. if things get too weird or upsetting, i turn all that stuff over to the big guy... leaving me with faith in "it will be done"... much easier.
hubby's having a difficult time recently... seems all i hear is negativity. while i certainly understand where he's coming from, it's exhausting having to point out the brighter side of things.... seriously, honey, time out for some good stuff. perhaps i'm in the minority (i would be disputed on my forum), yet i really believe it takes more energy being negative than it does being positive. see... i'm a god-fearing kinda girl. if things get too weird or upsetting, i turn all that stuff over to the big guy... leaving me with faith in "it will be done"... much easier.
Friday, September 14, 2007
TGIF 9/14/07
my "return" to work brought many challenges.... although everyone survived my being gone, dad took it the hardest. i arrived home to a dad who had slept most of those 4 days away, hadn't eaten and had grown some sort of growth on his jawline. he wasn't interested in watching his news programs or reading his paper. it was a pretty scary few days but i'm happy to report that dad is back to himself and is now eating, reading and interested in things again. his clarity is exactly where it was prior to my respite-- sometimes with it, sometimes not so much.
mom wasn't too disrupted but she admitted she didn't use my brother's help as she would have me. while this irritated me a bit after first hearing, i've come to understand she has limitations on what my brother should help her with... soooo, who can argue with that?! i'd have the same limitations!
dad had a nice lunch out with a friend today-- while this is always wonderful, there are things that come about after such outings. for instance, since this is a friend who attended the same college as dad and talked about some of the challenges he's experiencing with alumni, dad is now wanting to go to his college and visit-- now! while i was able to put him off from going this afternoon, we will head out around lunchtime tomorrow, spend an hour or so walking the little town, grab lunch then head back home for the GO BUCKS game at 330pm. (oh- thank you time warner for finally coming to an agreement with the big 10 network so we can watch the games on tv. you once again are successful with your PR games. grrrr)
the jawline thing must have been a bite or something... the doc couldn't figure any reason for it and since the "swelling" has gone down, we'll keep watching it.
mom wasn't too disrupted but she admitted she didn't use my brother's help as she would have me. while this irritated me a bit after first hearing, i've come to understand she has limitations on what my brother should help her with... soooo, who can argue with that?! i'd have the same limitations!
dad had a nice lunch out with a friend today-- while this is always wonderful, there are things that come about after such outings. for instance, since this is a friend who attended the same college as dad and talked about some of the challenges he's experiencing with alumni, dad is now wanting to go to his college and visit-- now! while i was able to put him off from going this afternoon, we will head out around lunchtime tomorrow, spend an hour or so walking the little town, grab lunch then head back home for the GO BUCKS game at 330pm. (oh- thank you time warner for finally coming to an agreement with the big 10 network so we can watch the games on tv. you once again are successful with your PR games. grrrr)
the jawline thing must have been a bite or something... the doc couldn't figure any reason for it and since the "swelling" has gone down, we'll keep watching it.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
tuesday, 9/11/07
remembering 9.11.01 (and wearing my I NY tshirt)
evidently everyone survived hubby and my brief escape. hubby and i aren't too sure at the moment.... weather delays delivered us home at 1:30am... and both went back at work early this morning.
mom's staples were removed while i was gone. dad slept 90% of the time- ate 10% of the time and grew a golfball sized something on his jawline. yup- welcome home!
bro has been away from his cell phone all day-- no doubt back to work but i suspect it's also his own respite from the last 4 days. but.... but..... i wanna know- from HIM, how the 4 days went!! nooo fair.
fortunately we already had dad's B-12 shot on the schedule for today, so seeing the doc about dad's growth wasn't difficult.... although the doc isn't sure what it is, he prescribed antibiotics and a suggestion to follow up with dentist to see if there's anything he might see. it's a great day for the dentist to not answer their phone!
mr. sleepy head made it thru the appointment but is back at what he needs today- more sleep! brother said dad missed church and his monday meeting because he was so sleepy... doesn't take this rocket scientist to know somethin' ain't right here!
much to do- must dig deep to find the strength....
evidently everyone survived hubby and my brief escape. hubby and i aren't too sure at the moment.... weather delays delivered us home at 1:30am... and both went back at work early this morning.
mom's staples were removed while i was gone. dad slept 90% of the time- ate 10% of the time and grew a golfball sized something on his jawline. yup- welcome home!
bro has been away from his cell phone all day-- no doubt back to work but i suspect it's also his own respite from the last 4 days. but.... but..... i wanna know- from HIM, how the 4 days went!! nooo fair.
fortunately we already had dad's B-12 shot on the schedule for today, so seeing the doc about dad's growth wasn't difficult.... although the doc isn't sure what it is, he prescribed antibiotics and a suggestion to follow up with dentist to see if there's anything he might see. it's a great day for the dentist to not answer their phone!
mr. sleepy head made it thru the appointment but is back at what he needs today- more sleep! brother said dad missed church and his monday meeting because he was so sleepy... doesn't take this rocket scientist to know somethin' ain't right here!
much to do- must dig deep to find the strength....
Thursday, September 6, 2007
thursday, 9/6/2007
although temps were supposed to reach the high 90's, we're thanking some clouds for preventing that nasty bad heat.... dad got to enjoy reading his paper and magazines outside almost all day! he had an ok "head" day... and not too tired today either. wahoo!
i'm thinking of everything completed today and feel pretty confident... the last thing i want to do is leave something undone or unfinished for brother-- who's stepping in, by the way, for the next 4 days so hubby and i can reconnect with a short getaway-- and do a lil birthday celebrating, too. while i've completed a day by day, commitment by commitment agenda for bro, and did all the shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, the meds, the beds, appointment scheduling, etc. i worry... but i'm seriously trying to stop that.
i've read too much recently about when caregivers go on respite. bad move!!! so, to regroup, i haven't stopped in on the forum i belong to on purpose... needed to step away to get organized and my head on straight. you know how things end up right in your face sometimes... well, that's how i was feeling. i knew this time away was coming yet all i "saw" were posts about if it's really worth it and it was freaking me out!!
found that i definitely made the right decision to step back-- cuz this i know now:
my marriage is worth getting away...
my husband is worth it...
i'm worth it...
i know there will be aftermath...
i also know bro will do the absolute best he can-- as will 'rents...
so let the pieces fall when they may...
we will all be F-I-N-E...
why? cuz we have F-A-I-T-H
ttyl-- next tuesday to be more specific.
i'm thinking of everything completed today and feel pretty confident... the last thing i want to do is leave something undone or unfinished for brother-- who's stepping in, by the way, for the next 4 days so hubby and i can reconnect with a short getaway-- and do a lil birthday celebrating, too. while i've completed a day by day, commitment by commitment agenda for bro, and did all the shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, the meds, the beds, appointment scheduling, etc. i worry... but i'm seriously trying to stop that.
i've read too much recently about when caregivers go on respite. bad move!!! so, to regroup, i haven't stopped in on the forum i belong to on purpose... needed to step away to get organized and my head on straight. you know how things end up right in your face sometimes... well, that's how i was feeling. i knew this time away was coming yet all i "saw" were posts about if it's really worth it and it was freaking me out!!
found that i definitely made the right decision to step back-- cuz this i know now:
my marriage is worth getting away...
my husband is worth it...
i'm worth it...
i know there will be aftermath...
i also know bro will do the absolute best he can-- as will 'rents...
so let the pieces fall when they may...
we will all be F-I-N-E...
why? cuz we have F-A-I-T-H
ttyl-- next tuesday to be more specific.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
wednesday, 9/5/2007
writing early this morning cuz some things are on my mind-- not necessarily related to anything, just stuff.
the first thing on my mind is the number 34. for just over a year now when i look at a digital clock it's a time like 2:34pm, 9:34am... or 7:34am. you get the idea. my honorary son #3 in valpo always wore the number 34 on his ball jersey. my daughter's AIM has the number in it..... this number simply surrounds me-- truthfully, it's been a part of my life a bit longer than earlier mentioned, it wasn't quite in my face as it is now tho. i find this fascinating!
the reason i've been revisiting the number now is because it seems to have found me yet one more time.... mom has 34 staples in her arm from surgery. yes, i took the time to count them-- thinking it would be bragging rights for mom if a story ever gets told.
another thing on my mind is way off skew... which is why it's something i'm chosing to put out there!! :) because my days consist of now walking two doggies- i find myself taking a lot of walks. it dawned on me yesterday that a pups toilet is quite vast and, downright exhausting! there will be no complaints as to the size of both yards as we are blessed with some acreage... yet, it bothers me that actual acreage is a toilet! why can't it be a bowl that's in the same place each time?! naturally our good 4-legged friends from around the hood also find their toilet in the same acreage on occassion, making it that much more to sniff and smell and decide that it's a good enough spot or noo way they're gonna use that spot anymore!
ya walk here, no. ya walk there, no. ohhh yes, a good spot! partial squat. noo, not quite right- must keep moving. over and over. all i can think about is thank goodness i have only one place that's right and there's no other decisions or distractions. when the time is right, i gotta go and know just where to go. how do dogs have the ability to hold it so long they can wait-- and walk-- and sniff-- to find just the right spot... somewhere.... ???!!
my last note here does relate to a former post and is important for me to share. earlier this week i prayed and asked for a billboard or a sign from god-- anything to let me know he's here with us.
message received!! at 4:30am (hey-- maybe it was 4:34am!! i couldn't read the clock too well at the time), our hall light turned on. it woke me immediately. i opened my eyes and didn't move- just turned my head so i could tell what had happened. it didn't scare me that hubby, pups and i were the only ones home that night-- and both were sound asleep on their respective sides of me. i stayed right where i was and thanked god for letting me know he was with us-- i wasn't about to shut that light out of my life by turning it off! hubby woke up about 10 minutes later, saw the light and got up to turn it off. no words exchanged-- we went back to our slumbers.
there's a book i read awhile ago- it's pretty old... one from here at mom and dad's from guideposts. it's called "his mysterious ways." it's got all kinds of good stories like the one above in it. for anyone leary or unsure- check it out cuz it's pretty kewl.
for you critics out there-- it's ok. i find stuff unbelieveable, too. there are other things that happen in our home from time to time that i believe are completely unrelated to what happened this week. stuff like footsteps hubby and youngest son only hear, candles blown out that wind could no way do it's job, the pups barking his lungs out at the top of the stairs at something downstairs-- investigating and finding nothing going on and no one down there, and... the weirdest one-- a california king-sized box spring mattress moving four feet to block a doorway. yeah- now those things are freaky to me!! and please don't ask oldest daughter to relive the dog barking at the stairs-- she was the one home alone with the pups at the time. i'll never forget that phone call!
hope today's a great one for all! ohh- thy will be done. amen.
the first thing on my mind is the number 34. for just over a year now when i look at a digital clock it's a time like 2:34pm, 9:34am... or 7:34am. you get the idea. my honorary son #3 in valpo always wore the number 34 on his ball jersey. my daughter's AIM has the number in it..... this number simply surrounds me-- truthfully, it's been a part of my life a bit longer than earlier mentioned, it wasn't quite in my face as it is now tho. i find this fascinating!
the reason i've been revisiting the number now is because it seems to have found me yet one more time.... mom has 34 staples in her arm from surgery. yes, i took the time to count them-- thinking it would be bragging rights for mom if a story ever gets told.
another thing on my mind is way off skew... which is why it's something i'm chosing to put out there!! :) because my days consist of now walking two doggies- i find myself taking a lot of walks. it dawned on me yesterday that a pups toilet is quite vast and, downright exhausting! there will be no complaints as to the size of both yards as we are blessed with some acreage... yet, it bothers me that actual acreage is a toilet! why can't it be a bowl that's in the same place each time?! naturally our good 4-legged friends from around the hood also find their toilet in the same acreage on occassion, making it that much more to sniff and smell and decide that it's a good enough spot or noo way they're gonna use that spot anymore!
ya walk here, no. ya walk there, no. ohhh yes, a good spot! partial squat. noo, not quite right- must keep moving. over and over. all i can think about is thank goodness i have only one place that's right and there's no other decisions or distractions. when the time is right, i gotta go and know just where to go. how do dogs have the ability to hold it so long they can wait-- and walk-- and sniff-- to find just the right spot... somewhere.... ???!!
my last note here does relate to a former post and is important for me to share. earlier this week i prayed and asked for a billboard or a sign from god-- anything to let me know he's here with us.
message received!! at 4:30am (hey-- maybe it was 4:34am!! i couldn't read the clock too well at the time), our hall light turned on. it woke me immediately. i opened my eyes and didn't move- just turned my head so i could tell what had happened. it didn't scare me that hubby, pups and i were the only ones home that night-- and both were sound asleep on their respective sides of me. i stayed right where i was and thanked god for letting me know he was with us-- i wasn't about to shut that light out of my life by turning it off! hubby woke up about 10 minutes later, saw the light and got up to turn it off. no words exchanged-- we went back to our slumbers.
there's a book i read awhile ago- it's pretty old... one from here at mom and dad's from guideposts. it's called "his mysterious ways." it's got all kinds of good stories like the one above in it. for anyone leary or unsure- check it out cuz it's pretty kewl.
for you critics out there-- it's ok. i find stuff unbelieveable, too. there are other things that happen in our home from time to time that i believe are completely unrelated to what happened this week. stuff like footsteps hubby and youngest son only hear, candles blown out that wind could no way do it's job, the pups barking his lungs out at the top of the stairs at something downstairs-- investigating and finding nothing going on and no one down there, and... the weirdest one-- a california king-sized box spring mattress moving four feet to block a doorway. yeah- now those things are freaky to me!! and please don't ask oldest daughter to relive the dog barking at the stairs-- she was the one home alone with the pups at the time. i'll never forget that phone call!
hope today's a great one for all! ohh- thy will be done. amen.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
tuesday, september 4, 2007
dad was able to hear mom call for help last night-- he rescued her from a potential poopy mess, overnight, part two-- she refused to call me. greaaaat. but, THANKS, DAD! he was confused as to what he did to help. all i needed to say was that mom was happy... he relaxed immediately.
the potty arrived, the potty arrived! wow- is this what it's come to? mom's bedside potty arrived from home healthcare today and i can't wait to see how it works. i've rigged it into the most safe position possible-- taking in all wobbly leg and broken wing scenarios i could come up with by my own trial and error. because i've forbidden mom to move from her room at night- the overnights were our first start..... but it appears she's one lean mean peeing machine so going along with the gentle prodding of mom's OT, the potty arrived, the potty arrived! i'll say a quick prayer when i leave tonight. i'm not sold on her getting off her bed at all during the night, but who am i to stand in the way of one little freedom when i've done all i can to assure she'll not fall again. stay tuned.
it has been a full day- and overall a successful one... sure wish dad wasn't so quiet and tired. he perked up a bit when we talked about NYC. we got the map out and he came up with all kinds of things he's done there or places he visited. yup- no problem with the 40+ years ago stuff. ask him what my husbands name is-- or what the guys sitting on the tractors are doing outside....
GRRRRRR.
the potty arrived, the potty arrived! wow- is this what it's come to? mom's bedside potty arrived from home healthcare today and i can't wait to see how it works. i've rigged it into the most safe position possible-- taking in all wobbly leg and broken wing scenarios i could come up with by my own trial and error. because i've forbidden mom to move from her room at night- the overnights were our first start..... but it appears she's one lean mean peeing machine so going along with the gentle prodding of mom's OT, the potty arrived, the potty arrived! i'll say a quick prayer when i leave tonight. i'm not sold on her getting off her bed at all during the night, but who am i to stand in the way of one little freedom when i've done all i can to assure she'll not fall again. stay tuned.
it has been a full day- and overall a successful one... sure wish dad wasn't so quiet and tired. he perked up a bit when we talked about NYC. we got the map out and he came up with all kinds of things he's done there or places he visited. yup- no problem with the 40+ years ago stuff. ask him what my husbands name is-- or what the guys sitting on the tractors are doing outside....
GRRRRRR.
Monday, September 3, 2007
labor day!
indeed it is.... labor day. (and, happy birthday to those who know they're now one year older!)
mom's a one-armed, wobbly legged, poopy mess. now there's a visual for ya on this family holiday! :)
dad has been in and out all day-- once again, smiling but moving to his own groove.
who invented this labor day holiday thing? any chance for a do-over?!
hope everyone's enjoying themselves.... be safe, have fun, smiles!!
oh-- and tomorrow, make sure you get to work/school on time... heehee... i'll be here if ya need me.... unless today's theme continues, then you're on your own.
mom's a one-armed, wobbly legged, poopy mess. now there's a visual for ya on this family holiday! :)
dad has been in and out all day-- once again, smiling but moving to his own groove.
who invented this labor day holiday thing? any chance for a do-over?!
hope everyone's enjoying themselves.... be safe, have fun, smiles!!
oh-- and tomorrow, make sure you get to work/school on time... heehee... i'll be here if ya need me.... unless today's theme continues, then you're on your own.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
sunday, september 2, 2007
mr. sleepyhead awoke early and immediately went back to bed.... i had to wake him to get ready for church. once determined he still wanted to go, the game of what to wear commenced. he had already changed before he laid down-- while it was a grand effort... he hadn't quite gotten the job done.
noticed dad following the service ok but reading some of the congregation readings has become difficult. same with reading the hymns. within no time i sunk into a sadness and couldn't tell you what the sermon was about.
dad's becoming more quiet. by that i mean less talkative. he's never been one to love to hear himself talk, but the change to me is evident. these changes with mom are causes more changes with dad.
things swimming in my head...
am i being selfish for keeping him at home? should we bite the bullet and move him to the alz facility where he can socialize more? i can't! they already said he qualified for the memory floor-- he deserves better than that floor right now. if he could go down to the other floors during the day, that makes more sense for him. he should be here until i really can't handle things anymore. i still can't stand the thought of adult daycare. no! this is his home and the place he loves! but, is that fair to him.... now, with me having to care for mom so much?
heavenly father, guide me in the right direction. show me! tell me! put up a billboard! push me! pull me! let me hear a song! anything..... just please let me know your wishes for us. it's in your hands and i know it's in your time, but if i may beg.... just something along the way to let me know when to do what with who.
brother swung by after his church so i had a bit of a break this afternoon... i arrived back at dinner time-- had all the regular tasks to catch up on, not to mention the new stuff with mom's arm... so will stay until i need to help mom get into bed instead of running home for an hour. dad started watching 60 minutes after sitting outside most of the evening but... took in about 15 minutes of the show and felt he was ready to turn in.
noticed dad following the service ok but reading some of the congregation readings has become difficult. same with reading the hymns. within no time i sunk into a sadness and couldn't tell you what the sermon was about.
dad's becoming more quiet. by that i mean less talkative. he's never been one to love to hear himself talk, but the change to me is evident. these changes with mom are causes more changes with dad.
things swimming in my head...
am i being selfish for keeping him at home? should we bite the bullet and move him to the alz facility where he can socialize more? i can't! they already said he qualified for the memory floor-- he deserves better than that floor right now. if he could go down to the other floors during the day, that makes more sense for him. he should be here until i really can't handle things anymore. i still can't stand the thought of adult daycare. no! this is his home and the place he loves! but, is that fair to him.... now, with me having to care for mom so much?
heavenly father, guide me in the right direction. show me! tell me! put up a billboard! push me! pull me! let me hear a song! anything..... just please let me know your wishes for us. it's in your hands and i know it's in your time, but if i may beg.... just something along the way to let me know when to do what with who.
brother swung by after his church so i had a bit of a break this afternoon... i arrived back at dinner time-- had all the regular tasks to catch up on, not to mention the new stuff with mom's arm... so will stay until i need to help mom get into bed instead of running home for an hour. dad started watching 60 minutes after sitting outside most of the evening but... took in about 15 minutes of the show and felt he was ready to turn in.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
septiembre 1 -- wahoo !!! it's a new month
the day started out in hilarity.... getting mom out of bed and walking to the potty, she said she was gonna lose her pants, but not for a moment did i believe it would really happen-- uh huh, yeppers! down go her soaking wet overnights taking the pants down, too! we stood there and laughed until tears came down our faces.... when we regained composure, i took 'em all the way off and escorted my naked from the waist down mama to the bathroom.... where we broke down again and laughed our patooties off!
as with all things good, not shortly thereafter mom's mood turned south. it wasn't over any particular thing.... as i think back tho, it correlated with dad starting his day with 20 questions. i'm sure the reality came rushing back to her head-- coupled with her own medical issues which take away her independence.
occupational therapy came today for a good couple of hours and that was good for mom.... yet it sent dad scurrying to his room. this is gonna be interesting-- we've got 3 months minimum of house invasions... nurse 1x/week, PT 3x/week and OT 3x/week.
lord, it's all you. you know all our trials. we have faith in you and your timing. amen.
as with all things good, not shortly thereafter mom's mood turned south. it wasn't over any particular thing.... as i think back tho, it correlated with dad starting his day with 20 questions. i'm sure the reality came rushing back to her head-- coupled with her own medical issues which take away her independence.
occupational therapy came today for a good couple of hours and that was good for mom.... yet it sent dad scurrying to his room. this is gonna be interesting-- we've got 3 months minimum of house invasions... nurse 1x/week, PT 3x/week and OT 3x/week.
lord, it's all you. you know all our trials. we have faith in you and your timing. amen.
Friday, August 31, 2007
TGIF 8/31/07
so back to normal again... sort of.
mom wanted to get to her office and get the mail so we prepared early to get that done. she had a good night's rest so things went smoothly.
dad awoke several times last night-- when he peeked his head out the door early, i saw very tired eyes. he went back to bed for a short while, dressed (yes, shorts on backward again and added another shirt to the mix) and came out for breakfast. he got thru everything alright-- the morning show was on for distraction above anything else (mom wouldn't give up the paper), then went back to bed again.
i hurried to the grocery-- needed to beat the holiday rush. got home in time for mom to be completely pissed off that she HAD to get to work right now! miffed, i knew it was best to stay silent... put the necessary stuff away then put her shoes on and said "ready?" grabbed dad-- who had gotten up again and we ran mom and sasha to the office. the ride over was rather quiet until mom said "i'm the one who told you to go to the grocery when you did. i should have told you to wait to go shopping until you took me to work."
now miffed even more, i again stayed quiet. but in my lil head i was thinking.... please don't say one more word! please don't say one more word!
if you're not following me-- the jist of what mom meant was she's first... above anything or anyone else. and she has no problem with my taking dad to the grocery store or my leaving him alone while i go to the grocery. neither, by the way, are on my list of things to do.
dad remains sleepy today-- and it's gorgeous outside; such a bummer for him. he's confused with the home health services the hospital ordered for mom... more things for him to understand at a time where understanding isn't coming easily. the nurse came by this afternoon and dad made a beeline to another room! we talked for awhile just a bit ago and i'm trying to answer his questions simply. i think he gets it for now-- at least the questions stopped.
i'm fearful our days have now changed for the long-term... and he will miss our jumping in the car on a whim doing what he wanted to do. i can almost see sadness in his eyes when he gets that mom will be here more often and there will be people coming in to help her now. just another freedom gone. now we must plan and coordinate everything.... and he's losing me as his only outlet as i've gained mom as another patient.
mom wanted to get to her office and get the mail so we prepared early to get that done. she had a good night's rest so things went smoothly.
dad awoke several times last night-- when he peeked his head out the door early, i saw very tired eyes. he went back to bed for a short while, dressed (yes, shorts on backward again and added another shirt to the mix) and came out for breakfast. he got thru everything alright-- the morning show was on for distraction above anything else (mom wouldn't give up the paper), then went back to bed again.
i hurried to the grocery-- needed to beat the holiday rush. got home in time for mom to be completely pissed off that she HAD to get to work right now! miffed, i knew it was best to stay silent... put the necessary stuff away then put her shoes on and said "ready?" grabbed dad-- who had gotten up again and we ran mom and sasha to the office. the ride over was rather quiet until mom said "i'm the one who told you to go to the grocery when you did. i should have told you to wait to go shopping until you took me to work."
now miffed even more, i again stayed quiet. but in my lil head i was thinking.... please don't say one more word! please don't say one more word!
if you're not following me-- the jist of what mom meant was she's first... above anything or anyone else. and she has no problem with my taking dad to the grocery store or my leaving him alone while i go to the grocery. neither, by the way, are on my list of things to do.
dad remains sleepy today-- and it's gorgeous outside; such a bummer for him. he's confused with the home health services the hospital ordered for mom... more things for him to understand at a time where understanding isn't coming easily. the nurse came by this afternoon and dad made a beeline to another room! we talked for awhile just a bit ago and i'm trying to answer his questions simply. i think he gets it for now-- at least the questions stopped.
i'm fearful our days have now changed for the long-term... and he will miss our jumping in the car on a whim doing what he wanted to do. i can almost see sadness in his eyes when he gets that mom will be here more often and there will be people coming in to help her now. just another freedom gone. now we must plan and coordinate everything.... and he's losing me as his only outlet as i've gained mom as another patient.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
thursday, 8/30/07 (i think)
this will be brief!
mom's home from the hospital. PT starts tomorrow here at home. dad's so happy mom is home-- he was a real trooper today; we had a long wait for mom's release. i'm so happy brother is home from his trip (and mom is home and dad is happy)... but let's get back to me for a sec. (sorry! i have no guilt for saying that!) brother arrives within the hour.... course i'll be back later tonight for awhile, but for a few hours, i'll unlock my house and introduce myself to the pups and the fam.
mom's home from the hospital. PT starts tomorrow here at home. dad's so happy mom is home-- he was a real trooper today; we had a long wait for mom's release. i'm so happy brother is home from his trip (and mom is home and dad is happy)... but let's get back to me for a sec. (sorry! i have no guilt for saying that!) brother arrives within the hour.... course i'll be back later tonight for awhile, but for a few hours, i'll unlock my house and introduce myself to the pups and the fam.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
wednesday, 8/29/07
yesterday was a long day for everyone!
dad and sasha hung out here at home with a friend from church. i was unable to make phone calls from the hospital due to cell "bar" issues-- but i wouldn't have been able to anyway because surgery was delayed so long there was no reason to worry everyone about that alone.
mom came out of surgery fine and i was able to speak with her around 11:45pm last night. she had just gotten out of recovery and into her room. although it was a relief to hear her voice, she wasn't yet with it and our conversation lasted only about a minute.
dad was relieved to find my note that i was here with him. he came out around 10:30pm and we chatted and updated each other. thankfully he was able to sleep better afterward-- mom had been heavy on his mind all day.
i called the hospital this morning and spoke with mom again. -- she's baaaack!! cranky and angry and hurting. no amount of support gave her happiness. and poor dad... i put him on the phone with her so he could say hello and she hung up on him. lord help us!
dad and i will hang here and have our normal day until mom calls and tells us she's ready for our visit-- if the call ever comes in.
7:30pm update.
the call came in and dad, oldest daughter and i went to visit mom. she's having a blood transfusion--right there in her room!! blew my lil mind when i saw what was happening. she's doing fine but needed the blood.
mom said she's been visited by everyone under the sun today-- interns, doctors, nurses, family, our pastor. she'd had enough by 5-something and we came home. my brother returns home from his trip today and called to see if it was a good idea to go see mom.... i had already asked mom that question during our visit and she said- "no!! tomorrow!!" brother understood and was ready to get home to his wife anyway.
the other exciting news was that the doc had to break her shoulder in order to properly repair the humerus and nerves in her arm. incredible!! i'm so glad she was already asleep and didn't know anything about that until this morning. ok-- i'm also glad i didn't know about that last night. the cliffnotes from the doc was enough for one day.
dad's exhausted-- he had a little snack and now off to his bedroom for the night. i smelled a bit of "an accident" so i'll sneak back there when i know he's asleep and quietly clean things up a bit for him. he's so overwhelmed..... my gawd, this is crazy!!
our pastor asked how i was as he was standing next to the elevator ready to go down.......
dad and sasha hung out here at home with a friend from church. i was unable to make phone calls from the hospital due to cell "bar" issues-- but i wouldn't have been able to anyway because surgery was delayed so long there was no reason to worry everyone about that alone.
mom came out of surgery fine and i was able to speak with her around 11:45pm last night. she had just gotten out of recovery and into her room. although it was a relief to hear her voice, she wasn't yet with it and our conversation lasted only about a minute.
dad was relieved to find my note that i was here with him. he came out around 10:30pm and we chatted and updated each other. thankfully he was able to sleep better afterward-- mom had been heavy on his mind all day.
i called the hospital this morning and spoke with mom again. -- she's baaaack!! cranky and angry and hurting. no amount of support gave her happiness. and poor dad... i put him on the phone with her so he could say hello and she hung up on him. lord help us!
dad and i will hang here and have our normal day until mom calls and tells us she's ready for our visit-- if the call ever comes in.
7:30pm update.
the call came in and dad, oldest daughter and i went to visit mom. she's having a blood transfusion--right there in her room!! blew my lil mind when i saw what was happening. she's doing fine but needed the blood.
mom said she's been visited by everyone under the sun today-- interns, doctors, nurses, family, our pastor. she'd had enough by 5-something and we came home. my brother returns home from his trip today and called to see if it was a good idea to go see mom.... i had already asked mom that question during our visit and she said- "no!! tomorrow!!" brother understood and was ready to get home to his wife anyway.
the other exciting news was that the doc had to break her shoulder in order to properly repair the humerus and nerves in her arm. incredible!! i'm so glad she was already asleep and didn't know anything about that until this morning. ok-- i'm also glad i didn't know about that last night. the cliffnotes from the doc was enough for one day.
dad's exhausted-- he had a little snack and now off to his bedroom for the night. i smelled a bit of "an accident" so i'll sneak back there when i know he's asleep and quietly clean things up a bit for him. he's so overwhelmed..... my gawd, this is crazy!!
our pastor asked how i was as he was standing next to the elevator ready to go down.......
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
something to think about
this was on a forum i'm so fortunate to have found... my heartfelt thanks to "mum" for sharing.
Be gentle with those in your care.
[-© 1999 Brenda Race-]
Did you ever wake up feeling confused and out of place?
It's not a feeling that is very nice.
Not knowing where you are or what day it would be.
Struggling with your thoughts...trying to see.
Try to imagine that feeling.....never going away.
Trying to find your place every single day.
Trying so hard to remember why and the only answer you get is a sigh.
Daylight is here and it's not so bad but then.......why oh why are you so sad?
No one around you seems to know.
They don't seem to know you have places to go.
If only you could find some face you knew.
Just what would you do if this happens to you?
Step into my shoes for only a day Perhaps you will know why I run away.
What would you do if you could no longer tie your shoe.
And when it's time to dress you don't know what to do.
What if you didn't know when or how to shower,
A task so great that perhaps you too would cower.
If I strike out and seem to be mean Perhaps it is over things that can't be seen.
Step into my shoes for only a day.
Maybe then you will see why I act this way.
So please remember as you care for me today.
To treat me with kindness and love in every way.
Be patient and tender as you guide me along my way.
Step into my shoes for only a day.
Be gentle with those in your care.
[-© 1999 Brenda Race-]
Did you ever wake up feeling confused and out of place?
It's not a feeling that is very nice.
Not knowing where you are or what day it would be.
Struggling with your thoughts...trying to see.
Try to imagine that feeling.....never going away.
Trying to find your place every single day.
Trying so hard to remember why and the only answer you get is a sigh.
Daylight is here and it's not so bad but then.......why oh why are you so sad?
No one around you seems to know.
They don't seem to know you have places to go.
If only you could find some face you knew.
Just what would you do if this happens to you?
Step into my shoes for only a day Perhaps you will know why I run away.
What would you do if you could no longer tie your shoe.
And when it's time to dress you don't know what to do.
What if you didn't know when or how to shower,
A task so great that perhaps you too would cower.
If I strike out and seem to be mean Perhaps it is over things that can't be seen.
Step into my shoes for only a day.
Maybe then you will see why I act this way.
So please remember as you care for me today.
To treat me with kindness and love in every way.
Be patient and tender as you guide me along my way.
Step into my shoes for only a day.
Monday, August 27, 2007
monday, 8/27/07
nothing new... just busy preparing the house and everything for mom's surgery tomorrow.
everyone is having a good day. our beautiful weather is allowing dad to sit in his favorite spot!! wahoo! how can we go from a nonsense day to one that's coherant.... wicked disease-- it appears to be messing with MY MIND. :)
everyone is having a good day. our beautiful weather is allowing dad to sit in his favorite spot!! wahoo! how can we go from a nonsense day to one that's coherant.... wicked disease-- it appears to be messing with MY MIND. :)
Friday, August 24, 2007
TGIF 8/24/07
we had a quick, yet very nice visit with our minister this morning... thanks for stopping by!!
after that, the day was a whirlwind... brother came by to stay with dad while i took mom in for her pre-surgery admission tests. dad ate a bite of lunch then went down for a rest. brother had to get back to the office before we returned.... nooooooo!! i can't be 2 places at one time!! think. call. wait. be impatient. whew- answer phone. YES! youngest son to the rescue. thanks, lil man.
dad's loss of words is quite a remarkable thing. visiting with our minister, he came up with all kinds of good stories to share.... yet this afternoon, couldn't spit out a word he wanted to say to save his life. he's frustrated-- mom's frustrated-- i'm frustrated!
we've just spent 15 minutes sitting at the table trying to determine what it was he wanted to say or do. the good news-- i figured it out.... and dad-- bless his heart, laughed the whole thing off. it'll take me a few minutes to hide behind my laptop and shed my tears.... recoup, dammit. recoup now.
dad, it can't be this time already. dad, come back.... please come back....
after that, the day was a whirlwind... brother came by to stay with dad while i took mom in for her pre-surgery admission tests. dad ate a bite of lunch then went down for a rest. brother had to get back to the office before we returned....
dad's loss of words is quite a remarkable thing. visiting with our minister, he came up with all kinds of good stories to share.... yet this afternoon, couldn't spit out a word he wanted to say to save his life. he's frustrated-- mom's frustrated-- i'm frustrated!
we've just spent 15 minutes sitting at the table trying to determine what it was he wanted to say or do. the good news-- i figured it out.... and dad-- bless his heart, laughed the whole thing off. it'll take me a few minutes to hide behind my laptop and shed my tears.... recoup, dammit. recoup now.
dad, it can't be this time already. dad, come back.... please come back....
Thursday, August 23, 2007
thursday 8/23/07
breathe.
sitting down for the first time since 6am! kids/hubby up, dog taken outside, showers, breakfast, change, leave for school/work, me for the 'rents.
my arrival here this morning brought 2 parents, cats, sheep and a yorkie (sasha) awake and ready for action... these "2 parent" mornings are difficult as everyone needs attention immediately. fortunately they don't happen often as dad usually sleeps in longer than mom. so, once again i appreciate dad's gentle manner and patience while i put things in order-- which of course, puts him in 3rd place. despite this disease, he's old habits kick in just at the right times-- thank you heavenly father, i know this is your work.
our visit to mom's orthopedic surgeon brought a couple of uncomfortable situations to further deal with... first, having to leave dad alone for an hour and a half and second, the news that mom's broken arm isn't pulling itself together... which means she goes in for surgery next week.
mom controlled her anger in front of the doctor and blessed me with it's full force one step out the door. having her in a wheelchair at the time, i pushed her to the pick up area and left her sitting in the sunshine while i went to get the car for her. on a normal day this wouldn't be a bad thing-- but today it's 96 degrees, 100+ heat index. my silent and slightly evil point was made and we got her in the car with no more 4-letter words.
we had to run home to get dad before taking mom to her office... this wasn't the original plan and again, caused quite the fuss, but an extra hour at the doctors office and needing surgery wasn't part of the original plan either, so....... very calmly i stated, "i've got 2 of you to take care of-- it's not all about you at the moment, lil mama. we HAVE to go get dad."
thankfully dad was ok and still safe at the house. my lord, what a worry for me! mom and i were gone much longer than we thought. anyway, i grabbed dad and sasha and off we all went to finally get mom and pup to her happy place-- her office.
dad and i had our lunch out after dropping off the girls. i told him about mom's surgery and why she was so stand-offish to him during the ride. he's so sad she has to go thru this. i think it's shaken his core as he wasn't putting 2 sentences together and finally gave up trying. i ordered his food for him and had to convince him over and over we would take leftover food home after we tried to eat now... he did eat a good meal and he's gone back to rest for awhile here at home.
mom has called to let me know she's preparing to close her office for a week. good-- we're staying in the real world. called brother to let him know what's going on and that i'm going to need his help... now it gets interesting.
mom goes in for her pre-admissions testing tomorrow. a 2 hour physical to ensure she's ready for surgery. brother needs to be available for dad as hanging out at the hospital isn't on top of the fun list and staying home by himself for more than 3 hours isn't on top of the best ideas list.
surgery is scheduled for tuesday so the good news is we'll have saturday-monday to help get mom mentally prepared. the surgery consists of a plate that will be attached to both sides of the humerus bone-- the requires an incision from the shoulder blade to the elbow. the surgeon says "it's a big long thing."awwwwesome.... that's exactly what mom needed to hear-- NOT.
dad is perplexed. since his wrist didn't require surgery, he doesn't understand why mom has to have surgery. i fear he's more scared than i originally thought. it's time to get creative and find ways to put his mind at ease. mom's anger isn't helping my creative process-- nor is it helping dad!! if there are any ideas out there-- lay 'em on me.
sitting down for the first time since 6am! kids/hubby up, dog taken outside, showers, breakfast, change, leave for school/work, me for the 'rents.
my arrival here this morning brought 2 parents, cats, sheep and a yorkie (sasha) awake and ready for action... these "2 parent" mornings are difficult as everyone needs attention immediately. fortunately they don't happen often as dad usually sleeps in longer than mom. so, once again i appreciate dad's gentle manner and patience while i put things in order-- which of course, puts him in 3rd place. despite this disease, he's old habits kick in just at the right times-- thank you heavenly father, i know this is your work.
our visit to mom's orthopedic surgeon brought a couple of uncomfortable situations to further deal with... first, having to leave dad alone for an hour and a half and second, the news that mom's broken arm isn't pulling itself together... which means she goes in for surgery next week.
mom controlled her anger in front of the doctor and blessed me with it's full force one step out the door. having her in a wheelchair at the time, i pushed her to the pick up area and left her sitting in the sunshine while i went to get the car for her. on a normal day this wouldn't be a bad thing-- but today it's 96 degrees, 100+ heat index. my silent and slightly evil point was made and we got her in the car with no more 4-letter words.
we had to run home to get dad before taking mom to her office... this wasn't the original plan and again, caused quite the fuss, but an extra hour at the doctors office and needing surgery wasn't part of the original plan either, so....... very calmly i stated, "i've got 2 of you to take care of-- it's not all about you at the moment, lil mama. we HAVE to go get dad."
thankfully dad was ok and still safe at the house. my lord, what a worry for me! mom and i were gone much longer than we thought. anyway, i grabbed dad and sasha and off we all went to finally get mom and pup to her happy place-- her office.
dad and i had our lunch out after dropping off the girls. i told him about mom's surgery and why she was so stand-offish to him during the ride. he's so sad she has to go thru this. i think it's shaken his core as he wasn't putting 2 sentences together and finally gave up trying. i ordered his food for him and had to convince him over and over we would take leftover food home after we tried to eat now... he did eat a good meal and he's gone back to rest for awhile here at home.
mom has called to let me know she's preparing to close her office for a week. good-- we're staying in the real world. called brother to let him know what's going on and that i'm going to need his help... now it gets interesting.
mom goes in for her pre-admissions testing tomorrow. a 2 hour physical to ensure she's ready for surgery. brother needs to be available for dad as hanging out at the hospital isn't on top of the fun list and staying home by himself for more than 3 hours isn't on top of the best ideas list.
surgery is scheduled for tuesday so the good news is we'll have saturday-monday to help get mom mentally prepared. the surgery consists of a plate that will be attached to both sides of the humerus bone-- the requires an incision from the shoulder blade to the elbow. the surgeon says "it's a big long thing."
dad is perplexed. since his wrist didn't require surgery, he doesn't understand why mom has to have surgery. i fear he's more scared than i originally thought. it's time to get creative and find ways to put his mind at ease. mom's anger isn't helping my creative process-- nor is it helping dad!! if there are any ideas out there-- lay 'em on me.
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