Into the Mist -- recommended book
http://www.intothemist.us/
The 36 hour Day-- helpful book, but sort of dificult
http://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Dementing-Illnesses/dp/0446610410
brain tour
http://www.alz.org/brain/01.asp
Mayo Clinic-- Alzheimer's unit
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/alzheimers/AZ99999
Do you know this about Alzheimer's?
http://www.bigtreemurphy.com/Do%20You%20Know%20This%20About%20Alzheimer
Friday, August 10, 2007
friday, 8/10/07
happy birthday to our youngest daughter!
today brings anxiety for me... the nurse from the AL/ALF facility we've been considering comes in for dad's assessment. i've been worked up over this since we scheduled it. heavenly father, ease my anxiety and let us all move forward as is your wish.
decisions based on the assessment will be made a bit further down the line, yet there are so many other things to consider! i find myself tossing everything back and forth a lot in my mind... which means i'm not benefiting from downtime. this is a point of trouble; i must address this ASAP.
"spin off" issues... mom. mom's work. the house. my work.
thoughts i'm batting back and forth...
dad needs more socialization. the AL facility will provide that. but so would an adult daycare. i don't like the idea of adult daycare for dad-- it just "feels" funny. moving dad into AL, would take him out of his home! is he "there" yet? perhaps have someone come to the house a couple times a week would give him someone new to talk to. yet-- i think mom would hate that someone is in her home.
back to square one.
mom leaves the house for work M-F. she has to get out. her building lease is up in september-- her work is minimal. is it worth keeping the business open simply because she has a place to go? she's got a difficult decision to make. i don't like her driving anymore... but the same rules i had for dad, i have for her. i got lucky with dad-- his guardian angel protected him well. will we be so lucky with mom? if dad isn't at the house anymore, would that help keep mom at home? her business could be run from anywhere.
would mom be able to stay in the house if dad and i weren't here? would she be safer in a small apartment closeby? would she even listen to how an independent/assisted living apartment would give her both safety and space?
breathe.
today brings anxiety for me... the nurse from the AL/ALF facility we've been considering comes in for dad's assessment. i've been worked up over this since we scheduled it. heavenly father, ease my anxiety and let us all move forward as is your wish.
decisions based on the assessment will be made a bit further down the line, yet there are so many other things to consider! i find myself tossing everything back and forth a lot in my mind... which means i'm not benefiting from downtime. this is a point of trouble; i must address this ASAP.
"spin off" issues... mom. mom's work. the house. my work.
thoughts i'm batting back and forth...
dad needs more socialization. the AL facility will provide that. but so would an adult daycare. i don't like the idea of adult daycare for dad-- it just "feels" funny. moving dad into AL, would take him out of his home! is he "there" yet? perhaps have someone come to the house a couple times a week would give him someone new to talk to. yet-- i think mom would hate that someone is in her home.
back to square one.
mom leaves the house for work M-F. she has to get out. her building lease is up in september-- her work is minimal. is it worth keeping the business open simply because she has a place to go? she's got a difficult decision to make. i don't like her driving anymore... but the same rules i had for dad, i have for her. i got lucky with dad-- his guardian angel protected him well. will we be so lucky with mom? if dad isn't at the house anymore, would that help keep mom at home? her business could be run from anywhere.
would mom be able to stay in the house if dad and i weren't here? would she be safer in a small apartment closeby? would she even listen to how an independent/assisted living apartment would give her both safety and space?
breathe.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
8/9/07 -- (a)
heavy thoughts today....
starting with the 6th sense. dad opened the door this morning... all his clothes were put on right, a huge smile on his face and the bonus-- a hug and a kiss! ohhhh man, THANK YOU, DAD!!
but....
do you somehow "know" that the nurse is coming tomorrow for your assessment?!!
do you somehow "know" that i'm feeling sad over planning your future?!!
my fears. there's no cure for alzheimer's. there are ways to slow it down-- while that's something.... i wonder if that's a something good or a something bad. because of the time i've spent with dad, today, i'm feeling like it's more of a something bad. tomorrow that may change, but hear me out.
slowing down a disease that takes 20 years to kill ya, that takes our precious minds away one day at a time, that puts us into a place where nothing remains, that impacts not only you, but every single person around you-- is it worth slowing down?! now, i'm not saying speed it up-- but, the reality is.... we're essentially prolonging the world of nothing-ness and bringing the family along for the long-ass ride.
those drugs aren't bad things-- they provide good help with many symptoms an alz patient endures. my thoughts are only on the fact that they slow the diseases progression a bit. to me (today), those drugs are almost cruel! almost like-- tell ya what, take these, you'll be ok for awhile but they really won't help you at all in the end cuz you're still gonna die with no mind and no memories and oh by the way, you're gonna stop walking, stop swallowing. good luck!
with that, thoughts go back to myself.... if i'm ever diagnosed with this damn disease, i'm going to be the one to check myself into the proper facility. i already know my family will visit me... i have no problem meeting new people and the best part of the whole thing will be knowing my family can go on with their lives knowing i'm being well taken care of. (well, perhaps the best part will be my decision to have never gotten a tattoo anywhere on my body-- but i'm off the subject at hand now)
perhaps i'm just full of big thoughts because of tomorrow's assessment. our family knows we're moving toward moving dad into a facility. we're guessing it will be by years end--
nice place we've found. yet-- taking dad out of his home of 45 years.... his wife, the animals, the yard, the neighbors. damn hard.... DAMN HARD. yeah, yeah, special things can go with him... there will be new activities and new people-- those things he needs and loves... i know, i know.
enough! i must now digress .... and go back to not having a tattoo.
ok-- i feel better purging all that so signing off. (mental note-- remind hubby to get that long-term healthcare stuff in order)
starting with the 6th sense. dad opened the door this morning... all his clothes were put on right, a huge smile on his face and the bonus-- a hug and a kiss! ohhhh man, THANK YOU, DAD!!
but....
do you somehow "know" that the nurse is coming tomorrow for your assessment?!!
do you somehow "know" that i'm feeling sad over planning your future?!!
my fears. there's no cure for alzheimer's. there are ways to slow it down-- while that's something.... i wonder if that's a something good or a something bad. because of the time i've spent with dad, today, i'm feeling like it's more of a something bad. tomorrow that may change, but hear me out.
slowing down a disease that takes 20 years to kill ya, that takes our precious minds away one day at a time, that puts us into a place where nothing remains, that impacts not only you, but every single person around you-- is it worth slowing down?! now, i'm not saying speed it up-- but, the reality is.... we're essentially prolonging the world of nothing-ness and bringing the family along for the long-ass ride.
those drugs aren't bad things-- they provide good help with many symptoms an alz patient endures. my thoughts are only on the fact that they slow the diseases progression a bit. to me (today), those drugs are almost cruel! almost like-- tell ya what, take these, you'll be ok for awhile but they really won't help you at all in the end cuz you're still gonna die with no mind and no memories and oh by the way, you're gonna stop walking, stop swallowing. good luck!
with that, thoughts go back to myself.... if i'm ever diagnosed with this damn disease, i'm going to be the one to check myself into the proper facility. i already know my family will visit me... i have no problem meeting new people and the best part of the whole thing will be knowing my family can go on with their lives knowing i'm being well taken care of. (well, perhaps the best part will be my decision to have never gotten a tattoo anywhere on my body-- but i'm off the subject at hand now)
perhaps i'm just full of big thoughts because of tomorrow's assessment. our family knows we're moving toward moving dad into a facility. we're guessing it will be by years end--
nice place we've found. yet-- taking dad out of his home of 45 years.... his wife, the animals, the yard, the neighbors. damn hard.... DAMN HARD. yeah, yeah, special things can go with him... there will be new activities and new people-- those things he needs and loves... i know, i know.
enough! i must now digress .... and go back to not having a tattoo.
ok-- i feel better purging all that so signing off. (mental note-- remind hubby to get that long-term healthcare stuff in order)
thursday, 8/9/07
yesterday, my brother and i coordinated getting dad to a meeting.
as expected, dad was walking out the door at 730am when i pulled into the garage. he was "ready to go!" and he hadn't slept all night-- simply watched the clock, waiting for meeting time. i've learned to prepare for these events.... when leaving the night before, i kept it simple-- dad, i'll see you for breakfast at 8am!
good intentions but.... the mind of alz prevails. dad was ready to go and there was no understanding why we had to wait (the meeting was at 930am). he wouldn't eat his breakfast-- he wouldn't read the paper-- he wouldn't watch the news. time for diversion.... talk about the kids! whew, it worked.
our departure time arrived, with teeth brushed, potty used and hair combed, we got in the car to meet up with the bro.... 5 minutes down the road-- "do we need to pitch a tent before we get to scott's?" uhhhh ohhhh. "dad, i'm going to stop down here so we can use the bathroom." "no, no, you need to wait." oookkkkk-- keep driving. (mental note: never keep driving-- stop!)
after a stop at brother's potty, the boys were on their way to the meeting. 'cept potty issues remained for the next 2 hours. never bothered dad a bit-- he ignored it. bro handled things as best he could.... we met up after the meeting and i got dad back home.... leaving behind two cars, a conference room chair and a conference room floor soaked with urine... not to mention, several people with really heavy hearts.
lord, we pray for your mercy. this isn't our dad....
as expected, dad was walking out the door at 730am when i pulled into the garage. he was "ready to go!" and he hadn't slept all night-- simply watched the clock, waiting for meeting time. i've learned to prepare for these events.... when leaving the night before, i kept it simple-- dad, i'll see you for breakfast at 8am!
good intentions but.... the mind of alz prevails. dad was ready to go and there was no understanding why we had to wait (the meeting was at 930am). he wouldn't eat his breakfast-- he wouldn't read the paper-- he wouldn't watch the news. time for diversion.... talk about the kids! whew, it worked.
our departure time arrived, with teeth brushed, potty used and hair combed, we got in the car to meet up with the bro.... 5 minutes down the road-- "do we need to pitch a tent before we get to scott's?" uhhhh ohhhh. "dad, i'm going to stop down here so we can use the bathroom." "no, no, you need to wait." oookkkkk-- keep driving. (mental note: never keep driving-- stop!)
after a stop at brother's potty, the boys were on their way to the meeting. 'cept potty issues remained for the next 2 hours. never bothered dad a bit-- he ignored it. bro handled things as best he could.... we met up after the meeting and i got dad back home.... leaving behind two cars, a conference room chair and a conference room floor soaked with urine... not to mention, several people with really heavy hearts.
lord, we pray for your mercy. this isn't our dad....
Monday, August 6, 2007
monday, 8/6/07
with the rain overnight and the humidity so high, dad's being a sleepy head. he woke up a lot during the night from the "reindeer on the roof." our plans for today fell thru so we're just gonna have to wing it today!
rotary is a regular monday meeting i take dad to, but it's location today is different than it usually is. after talking with the meeting coordinator, it was suggested we pass today.... little reasons like potties being farther away, needing to walk a bit more and parking not being great. dad called this change of location "screwy." well, yeah maybe it is.... but i can see how going somewhere different every once in awhile would be a welcomed change. i didn't go there tho for i know it's a disappointment to dad that he isn't going. unfortunately today's location isn't ideal for any of the elders in the group-- and there are quite a few.
this meeting change today comes on the heels of my prayers. last monday, dad sat in poop the whole meeting. since that somehow became ok in his mind, i prayed for something to help ease us out of attending these meetings. something that gave me a reason to avoid immediately telling him the real reason we shouldn't go anymore-- how do you talk to your parent about sitting in poop and that not being ok???
god bless dad. and thank you, god, for this one diversion. i know i need to address this with him... i just needed more time to think it thru. mission accomplished.
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience... we are spiritual beings going through a human experience.The next time someone needs you, be there. Stay.
rotary is a regular monday meeting i take dad to, but it's location today is different than it usually is. after talking with the meeting coordinator, it was suggested we pass today.... little reasons like potties being farther away, needing to walk a bit more and parking not being great. dad called this change of location "screwy." well, yeah maybe it is.... but i can see how going somewhere different every once in awhile would be a welcomed change. i didn't go there tho for i know it's a disappointment to dad that he isn't going. unfortunately today's location isn't ideal for any of the elders in the group-- and there are quite a few.
this meeting change today comes on the heels of my prayers. last monday, dad sat in poop the whole meeting. since that somehow became ok in his mind, i prayed for something to help ease us out of attending these meetings. something that gave me a reason to avoid immediately telling him the real reason we shouldn't go anymore-- how do you talk to your parent about sitting in poop and that not being ok???
god bless dad. and thank you, god, for this one diversion. i know i need to address this with him... i just needed more time to think it thru. mission accomplished.
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual experience... we are spiritual beings going through a human experience.The next time someone needs you, be there. Stay.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
sunday, 8/5/07
it's always something i react to.... the door opening in the morning. a simple thing, yet it's my pavlov dog. the door opening means two things... one of those things is wonderful; the other, an acknowlegement of what the day brings.
* yep, the miracle of dad living another day... what a beautiful thing! i still have my dad!
* ohhhh-k. dad's dressed funny. yep, another day of living with this dreaded disease. let's get to it!
this daily thing is wearing on me. it's good. it's bad. it's good. it's bad. yeahhh. never have i questioned the decision to be dad's caregiver... besides, he's such a great "patient!" i'll do this as long as i can or as long as it makes sense.
yesterday was a good memory day... it was one of those days that makes one deny dad is in stage 6 of the disease. he was simply being 79! I DON'T GET IT! this really pisses me off.
signing off for now. gotta get ready for church. ohhh- to anyone reading this.... this is the first blog i've ever had and this is the first entry. bear with me while i learn!!
* yep, the miracle of dad living another day... what a beautiful thing! i still have my dad!
* ohhhh-k. dad's dressed funny. yep, another day of living with this dreaded disease. let's get to it!
this daily thing is wearing on me. it's good. it's bad. it's good. it's bad. yeahhh. never have i questioned the decision to be dad's caregiver... besides, he's such a great "patient!" i'll do this as long as i can or as long as it makes sense.
yesterday was a good memory day... it was one of those days that makes one deny dad is in stage 6 of the disease. he was simply being 79! I DON'T GET IT! this really pisses me off.
signing off for now. gotta get ready for church. ohhh- to anyone reading this.... this is the first blog i've ever had and this is the first entry. bear with me while i learn!!
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