go bucks!
whatta difference 12 hours makes.... although neighborhood parties were determined to keep us all awake until all hours, i was able to refresh and create my blessings list. can i just say WOW?!! my life is really pretty darn blessed!
i've made some decisions for myself; they will be tough but doable. step one of my "x" step program!! :) haha
dad greeted me at the door this morning... because he was up so early he's already gone back for a rest. mom seems to be fine and in relatively good spirits so today begins a new refreshed everything.
the biggest lesson i learned overnight was my co-dependence returned because i was putting myself into a too much information domain. i got totally sucked in and BAM! the sinkhole grew. i cannot control how others think, feel or do the things they do. i can only control me, my attitude and decisions. therefore, i will once again, do my best to not worry or fester about things out of my control. welcome back me! it's a renovated katmir no dumping zone!!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
TGIF 9/21/07
soooo tired.
this week, as with the past couple of weeks, it seems i'm surrounded by crap. normally i maneuver away from this stuff faster than one can blink an eye.... i have no room for it. but, i can't seem to move fast enough to get it out of my life!
today was a great dad day... outside, i'm as happy as i can be. inside, i'm irritated and over "it" -- whatever it happens to be... there are too many it's. and because of this, i didn't get to enjoy dad's great day as much as i wanted to. another irritation.
there seems to be a lot of stress and sadness in those i'm surrounded by on line and at home. because i'm a bit co-dependant, i take much of others feelings on as my own... yes, i was in therapy eons ago when i got divorced. :) the weird thing is... in these past 10 years, i've done real well letting others deal with their "it's" and didn't let it consume me as i once did. so why now.... is it consuming me again?
here's the answer. i'm watching my parents struggle with major stuff everyday. when i finally get home, i get immediately hit with hubby (or SD or MIL) issues. so i listen to them and help as best i can..... but... not being a part of the issue- i'm always wrong somehow anyway..... i'm tired of always having to deal with it when 99% of the issues don't have anything to do with anyone else but the 3 of them! seriously, i don't get that. i find it exhausting to be around and dream of escaping-- somehow, somewhere. not kidding-- every day this goes on!!
i find it interesting that not one of my kids have given me a scrap of this crap. i find great comfort talking to anyone of the 3. last night i had a dream it was just the four of us again. no SD or hubby was around. i woke up feeling so... well..... happy. it took 10 minutes for hubby to rain on the parade... crap!
well, so much for this posting. i must get out to the barn, do the chores, sit on the hay bales and pray my head off. tonight, instead of reading.... i'm writing out all the blessings in my life- it's time i did this again..... i need to see just how many there really are. i know there's a bunch-- just can't see 'em at the moment!!
bear with me...... (please).
this week, as with the past couple of weeks, it seems i'm surrounded by crap. normally i maneuver away from this stuff faster than one can blink an eye.... i have no room for it. but, i can't seem to move fast enough to get it out of my life!
today was a great dad day... outside, i'm as happy as i can be. inside, i'm irritated and over "it" -- whatever it happens to be... there are too many it's. and because of this, i didn't get to enjoy dad's great day as much as i wanted to. another irritation.
there seems to be a lot of stress and sadness in those i'm surrounded by on line and at home. because i'm a bit co-dependant, i take much of others feelings on as my own... yes, i was in therapy eons ago when i got divorced. :) the weird thing is... in these past 10 years, i've done real well letting others deal with their "it's" and didn't let it consume me as i once did. so why now.... is it consuming me again?
here's the answer. i'm watching my parents struggle with major stuff everyday. when i finally get home, i get immediately hit with hubby (or SD or MIL) issues. so i listen to them and help as best i can..... but... not being a part of the issue- i'm always wrong somehow anyway..... i'm tired of always having to deal with it when 99% of the issues don't have anything to do with anyone else but the 3 of them! seriously, i don't get that. i find it exhausting to be around and dream of escaping-- somehow, somewhere. not kidding-- every day this goes on!!
i find it interesting that not one of my kids have given me a scrap of this crap. i find great comfort talking to anyone of the 3. last night i had a dream it was just the four of us again. no SD or hubby was around. i woke up feeling so... well..... happy. it took 10 minutes for hubby to rain on the parade... crap!
well, so much for this posting. i must get out to the barn, do the chores, sit on the hay bales and pray my head off. tonight, instead of reading.... i'm writing out all the blessings in my life- it's time i did this again..... i need to see just how many there really are. i know there's a bunch-- just can't see 'em at the moment!!
bear with me...... (please).
Thursday, September 20, 2007
thursday, 9/20/07
mom's new wheelchair arrived... it's built so she can use her feet/legs to move it thru the house. this new thing coincides with the leg strengthening PT is working so hard with her on each week. no longer do i get called to get her to the bathroom-- unless, she's tired from all her workouts.... which is 50% of the time, but hey-- 50% beats 0% every time! bottom line, it's one more bit of independence for her.
dad has withdrawn a bit-- he's tired again this week so seems to be sleeping a bit more... but nothing i'm too concerned about. the bump on his jaw has completely gone away-- that was sure something but i've concluded it definitely was a spider or bug bite. it came and went too quickly for it to be anything more. today is shower day so i'm sure that will make him feel more fresh and chipper. i've already stripped the beds-- a shower and clean bed should make for smiles. thank god for his continued gentle demeanor. i'm so blessed.... he's my hero. sure miss our conversations tho-- seems like yesterday we were chatting away about thought provoking stuff. saying that, guess not much has changed-- our conversations are still thought provoking... gotta give credit for the ability to feed shoes.
dad has withdrawn a bit-- he's tired again this week so seems to be sleeping a bit more... but nothing i'm too concerned about. the bump on his jaw has completely gone away-- that was sure something but i've concluded it definitely was a spider or bug bite. it came and went too quickly for it to be anything more. today is shower day so i'm sure that will make him feel more fresh and chipper. i've already stripped the beds-- a shower and clean bed should make for smiles. thank god for his continued gentle demeanor. i'm so blessed.... he's my hero. sure miss our conversations tho-- seems like yesterday we were chatting away about thought provoking stuff. saying that, guess not much has changed-- our conversations are still thought provoking... gotta give credit for the ability to feed shoes.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
tuesday, 9/18/07
inspiration to write has been hard to find recently-- sorry for this but i think i've got it back.
before continuing, please take a moment to pray for a fellow caregiver who's lost a dear, dear friend of 32-years to alzheimer's disease. the trials lori has gone thru with helen would boggle your mind... yet, the death part of this journey has ended... now she must deal with moving on with grief in her heart. she'll need strength, friends. hold her close in your thoughts.
david hyde pierce (of frazier fame) is an advocate for our dreaded disease. here's a link to his recent interview... http://www.neurologynow.com/pt/re/neuronow/fulltext.012...earchid=1&nav=search
oh- 9/21 is world alzheimer's day.... wear purple and support people surrounded by this disease.
dad is in cruise mode-- our rollercoaster ride of recent days is over for now. we sat outside and talked yesterday afternoon... a gorgeous day! did you see the balloon with the tire? if you did, perhaps you can tell me where the sock is on the water.....
before continuing, please take a moment to pray for a fellow caregiver who's lost a dear, dear friend of 32-years to alzheimer's disease. the trials lori has gone thru with helen would boggle your mind... yet, the death part of this journey has ended... now she must deal with moving on with grief in her heart. she'll need strength, friends. hold her close in your thoughts.
david hyde pierce (of frazier fame) is an advocate for our dreaded disease. here's a link to his recent interview... http://www.neurologynow.com/pt/re/neuronow/fulltext.012...earchid=1&nav=search
oh- 9/21 is world alzheimer's day.... wear purple and support people surrounded by this disease.
dad is in cruise mode-- our rollercoaster ride of recent days is over for now. we sat outside and talked yesterday afternoon... a gorgeous day! did you see the balloon with the tire? if you did, perhaps you can tell me where the sock is on the water.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
