TGIF 9/21/07

soooo tired.

this week, as with the past couple of weeks, it seems i'm surrounded by crap. normally i maneuver away from this stuff faster than one can blink an eye.... i have no room for it. but, i can't seem to move fast enough to get it out of my life!

today was a great dad day... outside, i'm as happy as i can be. inside, i'm irritated and over "it" -- whatever it happens to be... there are too many it's. and because of this, i didn't get to enjoy dad's great day as much as i wanted to. another irritation.

there seems to be a lot of stress and sadness in those i'm surrounded by on line and at home. because i'm a bit co-dependant, i take much of others feelings on as my own... yes, i was in therapy eons ago when i got divorced. :) the weird thing is... in these past 10 years, i've done real well letting others deal with their "it's" and didn't let it consume me as i once did. so why now.... is it consuming me again?

here's the answer. i'm watching my parents struggle with major stuff everyday. when i finally get home, i get immediately hit with hubby (or SD or MIL) issues. so i listen to them and help as best i can..... but... not being a part of the issue- i'm always wrong somehow anyway..... i'm tired of always having to deal with it when 99% of the issues don't have anything to do with anyone else but the 3 of them! seriously, i don't get that. i find it exhausting to be around and dream of escaping-- somehow, somewhere. not kidding-- every day this goes on!!

i find it interesting that not one of my kids have given me a scrap of this crap. i find great comfort talking to anyone of the 3. last night i had a dream it was just the four of us again. no SD or hubby was around. i woke up feeling so... well..... happy. it took 10 minutes for hubby to rain on the parade... crap!

well, so much for this posting. i must get out to the barn, do the chores, sit on the hay bales and pray my head off. tonight, instead of reading.... i'm writing out all the blessings in my life- it's time i did this again..... i need to see just how many there really are. i know there's a bunch-- just can't see 'em at the moment!!

bear with me...... (please).