happy birthday, dad!
i miss you everyday.
we won't be making anymore memories together, but having our past memories is enough for now.... we'll make more when we meet in your new home. promise you'll be there waiting for me when it's my time to go.
can you sit with mom some today, dad? i know she wants to feel your presence. i think she's done being mad. we've been laughing a lot more lately over little stuff. it's good to see her laugh.
you're helping my brother get thru his kidney stones, aren't you? keep doing what you're doing, dad. you and the docs are keeping him comfortable.
you know i feel you coming up the steps and thru the door..... i appreciate you sitting at the kitchen table while i fix dinner. banjo knows you're there..... his barks let me know you've arrived so i can clear my mind. "gooder than a nickle" that one!
dad, i'm trying to hold on to my happiness. i know you see it's been rough around home. you always had advice or that knowing tear to offer. there's so much i just cannot do anymore. i'm tired. but i know things don't get fixed by themselves. during your times like this, i know you'd simply help someone else. my efforts are little as my hands are so tied. why can't i see i make a difference? other than mom, i can't seem to expand.
i'm glad you are where you are. the earth is a harsh place to live right now. people are being forgotten. people are hurting each other and feeling no remorse. it's almost christmas, dad.... our world needs a christmas miracle. good people are losing their homes, their families. i'm sure our selfishness has caused this castastrophy. our lessons must be learned. our god has a sense of humor, doesn't he? i'm so angry! i just want to shake it out of people! get over yourself!!
i want to teach people, dad. i want to help people understand how to live in peace! how can i do this when i'm stuck? it makes me feel so insignificant.....
well. isn't that some birthday message?!! jeez.
anyway, i'll be thinking about you all day. i hope you're happy and i hope you're with friends to celebrate the day of your earthly birth.
sending you hugs and love.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
sunday, 12/21/2008
tomorrow is dad's birthday. he's been on my mind a lot recently.... a lot. nothing bad as it's always good to have memories-- it's just that i know that they are only memories now and knowing that makes me sad.
he's been getting christmas cards from various organizations that has him on their mailing list. one person he worked with years ago sent a card-- mom had to write to let him know he's passed away. i'm sure the news probably hit him hard as he was really involved with dad for a number of years. somehow word hadn't gotten to him.
brother, mom and i wrapped up dad's estate stuff with the attorney this week. we made the year-end filing deadline thanks to brothers intense work simplifying everything.... it pretty much means everything is done and in the courts hands to put their stamp of approval on without having to jump thru hoops. this effort is thanks to my parents having all their ducks in a row with legal paperwork stating exactly who, what, where and how.
get your legal docs in order, folks!! your family and pocketbook will appreciate it.
hubby is probably going insane with my night time movie watching. we share the remote pretty well and when it gets thrown at me, chances are it'll find some lifetime or hallmark christmas movie. he hasn't said anything-- which is surprising, but i'm grateful as he seems to lay 20 questions as to why i breathe anymore.
this week is going to be an interesting one. daughter finds out if she gets an internship she wants so much, oldest son decides how he's going to handle school and gets his car back from the repair shop (he was hit a couple weeks ago), youngest son probably gets his ACT scores back and youngest daughter is raging a war between her mom and dad over how she wants things. christmas day will be just another thursday in our house this year and although there's a vague awareness among all the troops, i'm praying for divine intervention on the mental capacity level. health, love, and gathering together under one roof needs to be enough. pray with me this is enough.
to those who have work, pennies in your pocket, food on your table, gas in your car, may god continue to bless you. to those who have their health and loved ones surrounding them, may god continue to bless you. to those who are without but have love, hope and faith, may god continue to bless you. to those who are without the holy spirit in your hearts, may you find god's blessings.
merry christmas to all!!
he's been getting christmas cards from various organizations that has him on their mailing list. one person he worked with years ago sent a card-- mom had to write to let him know he's passed away. i'm sure the news probably hit him hard as he was really involved with dad for a number of years. somehow word hadn't gotten to him.
brother, mom and i wrapped up dad's estate stuff with the attorney this week. we made the year-end filing deadline thanks to brothers intense work simplifying everything.... it pretty much means everything is done and in the courts hands to put their stamp of approval on without having to jump thru hoops. this effort is thanks to my parents having all their ducks in a row with legal paperwork stating exactly who, what, where and how.
get your legal docs in order, folks!! your family and pocketbook will appreciate it.
hubby is probably going insane with my night time movie watching. we share the remote pretty well and when it gets thrown at me, chances are it'll find some lifetime or hallmark christmas movie. he hasn't said anything-- which is surprising, but i'm grateful as he seems to lay 20 questions as to why i breathe anymore.
this week is going to be an interesting one. daughter finds out if she gets an internship she wants so much, oldest son decides how he's going to handle school and gets his car back from the repair shop (he was hit a couple weeks ago), youngest son probably gets his ACT scores back and youngest daughter is raging a war between her mom and dad over how she wants things. christmas day will be just another thursday in our house this year and although there's a vague awareness among all the troops, i'm praying for divine intervention on the mental capacity level. health, love, and gathering together under one roof needs to be enough. pray with me this is enough.
to those who have work, pennies in your pocket, food on your table, gas in your car, may god continue to bless you. to those who have their health and loved ones surrounding them, may god continue to bless you. to those who are without but have love, hope and faith, may god continue to bless you. to those who are without the holy spirit in your hearts, may you find god's blessings.
merry christmas to all!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
friday, 12/12/2008
my daughter sent me this blog link...... it's awesome! the words to explain what we have/had to do with alzheimers patients is so clear-- clearer than i could ever explain. what struck me the most is the fact that i could do those things so simply with dad. i just couldn't explain what i was doing to those in the "normal" world.
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/04/talking-alzheimers/
hubby's work holiday party was last night. we went to the local comedy club. the company was forced to let 2 staffers go the day before... and it was something we worried about.... how to deal with that among the faces of those who survived the cutbacks. as it turned out, one of those staffers joined the party and taught us a good lesson..... there's life after tragic events. i really like earl...... he's a rockstar. the laughter and smiles he gave us last night was a honest to god gift from heaven for me.... i pray he'll be alright-- but i know in my heart he will be.
thru all lifes trials, yes virginia, there is a santa claus. i'm gonna clean my chimney today.... there's nothing if not hope.
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/12/04/talking-alzheimers/
hubby's work holiday party was last night. we went to the local comedy club. the company was forced to let 2 staffers go the day before... and it was something we worried about.... how to deal with that among the faces of those who survived the cutbacks. as it turned out, one of those staffers joined the party and taught us a good lesson..... there's life after tragic events. i really like earl...... he's a rockstar. the laughter and smiles he gave us last night was a honest to god gift from heaven for me.... i pray he'll be alright-- but i know in my heart he will be.
thru all lifes trials, yes virginia, there is a santa claus. i'm gonna clean my chimney today.... there's nothing if not hope.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
sunday, 12/7/08
it snowed. ok-- so the stuff is pretty... especially with the sun making everything brighter.
wish my outlook was as bright. oh sure-- i have faith in my heart. i smile. i chuckle. i find good in things. christmas movies touch my heart. the family is healthy. the core... deep down basic needs are there. so why so.... well.... glum inside?
i know the answers.... and frankly, they aren't anything more than what others are suffering from, too. but, i'm having my own pity party.... because i can.
from the looks in peoples eyes, no one is supposed to know what's really happening inside. appearance is everything ya know.
i can't live that way. i can't pretend everything is just hunky dory. if you looked into my eyes and saw what's really there, you'd see shame, embarrassment, guilt. think again if you believe i'm gonna deny it and pretend life's a vacation of joy. life has kicked me (us) hard..... not hard enough to break me (us) tho... this counts.
what kills me most is the attitude. the damnation. the assumptions. have people really forgotten that not everything you assume is what it is? people are harsh in their judgements. we're a spoiled group of humans yet we'll go to the mat to make it seem otherwise. i have no room for those types of people, yet they surround me. i can remove them from my immediate area but they still cause me grief as they come and go from my safe walls.
bring on the christmas movies and the library books...... i'm chosing to barricade myself from this crap for as long as it takes.
wish my outlook was as bright. oh sure-- i have faith in my heart. i smile. i chuckle. i find good in things. christmas movies touch my heart. the family is healthy. the core... deep down basic needs are there. so why so.... well.... glum inside?
i know the answers.... and frankly, they aren't anything more than what others are suffering from, too. but, i'm having my own pity party.... because i can.
from the looks in peoples eyes, no one is supposed to know what's really happening inside. appearance is everything ya know.
i can't live that way. i can't pretend everything is just hunky dory. if you looked into my eyes and saw what's really there, you'd see shame, embarrassment, guilt. think again if you believe i'm gonna deny it and pretend life's a vacation of joy. life has kicked me (us) hard..... not hard enough to break me (us) tho... this counts.
what kills me most is the attitude. the damnation. the assumptions. have people really forgotten that not everything you assume is what it is? people are harsh in their judgements. we're a spoiled group of humans yet we'll go to the mat to make it seem otherwise. i have no room for those types of people, yet they surround me. i can remove them from my immediate area but they still cause me grief as they come and go from my safe walls.
bring on the christmas movies and the library books...... i'm chosing to barricade myself from this crap for as long as it takes.
Monday, November 24, 2008
monday 11/24/2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
friday, 11/21/2008
To realize the value of a sister Ask someone who doesn't have one.
To realize the value of ten years Ask a newly Divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years Ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one minute Ask a person who missed a train, bus, or plane.
To realize the value of one second Ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when You can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend Or a family member - lose one .
The origin of this letter is unknown but it is supposed to bring good luck
To everyone who passes it on.
Do not keep this letter.
Peace, love, and prosperity to all!
Hold on tight to the ones you love!
i'm holding!! i'm asking!! i'm treasuring!!
go buckeyes.... beat michigan!!
and, happy thanksgiving, everyone.
To realize the value of ten years Ask a newly Divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years Ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year Ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one minute Ask a person who missed a train, bus, or plane.
To realize the value of one second Ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when You can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend Or a family member - lose one .
The origin of this letter is unknown but it is supposed to bring good luck
To everyone who passes it on.
Do not keep this letter.
Peace, love, and prosperity to all!
Hold on tight to the ones you love!
i'm holding!! i'm asking!! i'm treasuring!!
go buckeyes.... beat michigan!!
and, happy thanksgiving, everyone.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
tuesday, 11/11/08
a bump in the road.
i'm back at full-time caregiving. mom took a fall. surgery for a hip replacement was last friday and all went well. she's home now as she wanted nothing to do with a rehab facility. this is ok because i can be here-- and we'll get home healthcare again. but gone are the days where i could leave for a couple hours at a time without worry.
today beings the flurry of people coming in and out of the house.... we begin with the nurse... then the social worker, the OT and of course, the PT. nothing new with the process so guess that's good.
it's safe to say i was hoping to stay outta this game for awhile longer. the freedom of coming and going only 4 times a day was pretty sweet.
oh well.
i'm back at full-time caregiving. mom took a fall. surgery for a hip replacement was last friday and all went well. she's home now as she wanted nothing to do with a rehab facility. this is ok because i can be here-- and we'll get home healthcare again. but gone are the days where i could leave for a couple hours at a time without worry.
today beings the flurry of people coming in and out of the house.... we begin with the nurse... then the social worker, the OT and of course, the PT. nothing new with the process so guess that's good.
it's safe to say i was hoping to stay outta this game for awhile longer. the freedom of coming and going only 4 times a day was pretty sweet.
oh well.
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