12/22/2008

happy birthday, dad!

i miss you everyday.

we won't be making anymore memories together, but having our past memories is enough for now.... we'll make more when we meet in your new home. promise you'll be there waiting for me when it's my time to go.

can you sit with mom some today, dad? i know she wants to feel your presence. i think she's done being mad. we've been laughing a lot more lately over little stuff. it's good to see her laugh.

you're helping my brother get thru his kidney stones, aren't you? keep doing what you're doing, dad. you and the docs are keeping him comfortable.

you know i feel you coming up the steps and thru the door..... i appreciate you sitting at the kitchen table while i fix dinner. banjo knows you're there..... his barks let me know you've arrived so i can clear my mind. "gooder than a nickle" that one!

dad, i'm trying to hold on to my happiness. i know you see it's been rough around home. you always had advice or that knowing tear to offer. there's so much i just cannot do anymore. i'm tired. but i know things don't get fixed by themselves. during your times like this, i know you'd simply help someone else. my efforts are little as my hands are so tied. why can't i see i make a difference? other than mom, i can't seem to expand.

i'm glad you are where you are. the earth is a harsh place to live right now. people are being forgotten. people are hurting each other and feeling no remorse. it's almost christmas, dad.... our world needs a christmas miracle. good people are losing their homes, their families. i'm sure our selfishness has caused this castastrophy. our lessons must be learned. our god has a sense of humor, doesn't he? i'm so angry! i just want to shake it out of people! get over yourself!!

i want to teach people, dad. i want to help people understand how to live in peace! how can i do this when i'm stuck? it makes me feel so insignificant.....

well. isn't that some birthday message?!! jeez.

anyway, i'll be thinking about you all day. i hope you're happy and i hope you're with friends to celebrate the day of your earthly birth.

sending you hugs and love.