26 Guards

God's 26 Guards Here's a message that will bring you chills. Have you ever felt the urge to pray for someone and Then just put it on a list and said, 'I'll pray for them later'? Or has anyone ever called you and said, 'I need you to pray for me, I have this need?' Read the following story that was sent to me and may it change the way that you may think about prayer and also the way you pray. You will be blessed by this.... A missionary on furlough told this true story while visiting his home church in Michigan . 'While serving at a small field hospital in Africa , every two weeks I traveled by bicycle through the jungle to a nearby city for supplies. This was a journey of two days and required camping overnight at the halfway point. On one of these journeys, I arrived in the city where I planned to collect money from a bank, purchase medicine, and supplies, and then begin my two-day journey back to the field hospital. Upon arrival in the city, I observed two men fighting, one of whom had been seriously injured. I treated him for his injuries and at the same time talked to him about the Lord. I then traveled two days, camping overnight, and arrived home without incident.... Two weeks later I repeated my journey. Upon arriving in the city, I was approached by the young man I had treated. He told me that he had known I carried Money and medicines. He said, 'Some friends and I followed you in to the jungle, Knowing you would camp overnight. We planned to kill you and take your money and drugs. But just as we were about to move into your camp, We saw that you were surrounded by 26 armed guards. At this, I laughed and said that I was certainly all alone in that jungle campsite.. The young man pressed the point, however, and said, 'No, sir, I was not the only person to see the guards, my friends also saw them, and we all counted them. It was because of those guards that We were afraid and left you alone' At this point in the sermon, one of the men in the congregation jumped to his feet and interrupted the missionary and asked if he could tell him the exact day this happened. The missionary told the congregation the date, and the man who interrupted told him this story: 'On the night of your incident in Africa , it was morning here and I was preparing to go play golf. I was about to putt when I felt the urge to pray for you. In fact, the urging of the Lord was so strong, I called men in this church to meet with me here in the sanctuary to pray for you. Would all of those men who met with me on that day stand up?' The men who had met together to pray that day stood up. The missionary wasn't concerned with whom they were, He was too busy counting how many men he saw. There were 26. This story is an incredible example of how the Spirit of the Lord moves in behalf of those who love Him. If you ever feel such prodding to pray, go along with it, you don't know what it can mean to that person. Nothing is ever hurt by prayer except the gates of hell. I encourage you to forward this to as many people as you know. If we all take it to heart, we can turn this world toward God once again. As the above true story clearly illustrates, 'With God all things are possible'. More importantly, how God hears and Answers the prayers of the faithful. After you read this, please pass it on and Give God thanks for the beautiful gift of your faith, for the powerful gift of prayer, and for the many miracles He works in your own daily life... And then pass it on. Who says God does not move on the earth today? I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today. To guide you and protect you as you go along your way. His love is always with you, His promises are true, and when we give Him our cares you know He will see us through. So when the road you're traveling on seems difficult at best, Just remember I'm here praying, And God will do the rest.

tuesday 7/1/09

happy almost birthday to our nation!

it's been a rough week personally, but mom's week has been ok.

we went to the radiation consult yesterday-- 3 hours! yikes!! we learned about everything and mom is ready to get started. sure thought there'd be some depression but she's good as gold!

she gets fitted for what they call a mask next monday. they will use this mask to hold her head in place while she gets burned..... it's horrible to refer to it that way, but that's what it is! we'll get her rad schedule planned then she'll start.

we learned yesterday that because the hospital will practically be a home base for us the next couple of months that they "treat" us to free valet parking or free garage parking. incredible how such a small thing made us so happy! that money adds up!

s'all for now. happy 4th, everyone!

random stuff floating in my head

... i can only wish for some sort of landing!

i mentioned in my last post that the gathering of information is my most frustrating part of caregiving. because you have to dive into peoples stories, it also becomes tremendously sad.
so i go thru my days gaining good knowledge, feeling a bit overwhelmed as its vastness, and feeling a deep fear for what's on the horizon.

it's not the stuff mom has to do that creates the fear-- it's wondering how she's going to handle it. and, how i'm going to handle it!

i wonder if she's going to stop treatments before they start, and frankly, i see real reasons for it. i haven't old her all i know as i'm going to leave that to her doctor (we see him on tuesday). no reason to give her several days of horrible shit to think about.

i want nothing more than for my mom to live yet it comes down to that quality of life thing i feel so strongly about. she's going to be injected, burned and cut open. then she'll have to be injected and burned all over again after she gets cut. she doesn't know all of that yet-- she only knows parts of it.

she deserves better. after dad passed, she got a big chunk of her life back-- now it's being taken away in small increments of torture. what is god planning for her? and at 73, will she accept his terms? will i?

my parents are wonderful people. they gave to others without strings attached. we had the "leave it to beaver" family. no drama-- our lives centered on the 4 of us, our extended family, church, careers and making a difference for those who were less fortunate.

i cannot understand why our god chose to give my parents the one big trial of their lives during their golden years.

my dad was brilliant and shared his brilliance with the world. he had no arrogance when it came to sharing his knowledge or wisdom with others. he lost his brain power to alzheimers-- his gifts were taken away.

my mom. she is as brilliant as dad was. her talent has been shared more selectively-- specifically with my brother, close friends and me. she's always been a go-getter. at a full foot shorter than i, it was always hard to keep up with her while walking-- when she had someplace to go, she go there fast! she could get thru more tasks in a day than i could conjure up attempting. she was here, there, everywhere. now, she's losing her legs and going to endure practically everyone of her greatest fears-- doctors, hospitals, injections... pain.

it may seem like i'm sitting here questioning god. it's sorta there, but i have more faith in his ultimate plan. it seems like his plan for me is to test that path of faith. whatever journey i'm on-- and was on with dad, is his plan being put in motion for me. so far, this is my greatest test in life. i wonder if i have the ability to stay on the path cuz i'm waivering a bit.

join me in prayer?

Monday, 6/22/09

maybe you'll notice my blog's name has changed. guess it became time to acknowledge my time with dad is no longer valid on this earth. my time is precious, now, with mom.

i'm in a bit of a fog today. it was a difficult weekend and mom's oncologist appointment this morning hasn't lessened the trials. in back of all this fog is reality-- thankfully it comes into focus when necessary.

my greatest joy today is that mom is eating and doing her normal thing. she certainly heard everything i did this morning.... her fog seems to mirror mine-- we focus when we have to and let everything else simmer away inside our respective heads when not facing each other directly.

the first thing i need to do-- soon, is get information. there's tons of it at the hospital so i'll grab it, bunker down and let the info sink in. things will evolve from there.

i'm remembering my first weeks of caregiving for dad and his alzheimer's disease. tons of places to get info, but nothing immediately answering important questions. you have to dig and probe.... there's tons of generic information but god help you with specifics. i seriously get frustrated with this part. i remember with complete admiration two people: lori and joanne. one a caregiver knee-deep in alz, the other a RN with some serious get-down-to-business answers. lifesavers!!! in no time, along came several others throwing their 2-cents worth and ta-da..... score!!

yes, it will come. but yes, i'm in infant info stages here and am feeling lost.

most everyone knows my great belief in god. as i sit here, i'll thank him for the strength he's giving me and the faith he has in me. back at `cha, father! i'll also kneel on my knees to pray for everything he knows i need. and, i'm in great need so there's gonna be a lot more kneeling.

i could take the time to write out what's next for mom..... for me..... but tonight, i know it will come out as cold and hard. frankly, what's next is exactly those things but i wish to go about writing it all better than that.

the pissy attitude portion of tonights segment follows.....

i know we're not the first to deal with cancer. i know we'll get thru it. i know god will be there for us every step of the way. i know we'll have good days and not so good days. i know i--we, need to find courage and hope and i know i need to take care of myself. i know nothing is easy and life gives us challenges. i know it'll get easier, then it will get worse, then better, then perhaps it'll be done. and i know we'll have to hang in there.

right now all that stuff is just blah, blah, blah. words.

well. ok then! pissy attitude portion is now complete and you're free to roam happier places on the net.

tomorrow will be a better day.

wednesday

i'm not myself right now. several times recently i've cried. not random cries... they were each valid! what's strange is that i've not been able to cry for a long time. lots of stuff has happened that i should have been able to cry over but-- tears never came. is this the beginning of my cleansing? i can honestly say i hope so. i feel as if i really need it. anyway, here's the latest crying episode... an email i've read before, but really touches me:

Two Choices

What would you do?.....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one.. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice? At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: 'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?' T he audience was stilled by the query. The father continued... 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.' Then he told the following story: Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball... Shay asked, 'Do you think the y'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps. I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.' Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in t he game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up t he soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he , too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay' Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!' As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!' Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheared as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team 'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'. Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

sunday 6/13

so far so good!

wound care: neck incision (lymph nodes), trach hole, leg graft, feeding tube plug
meds: 4 in pill form must be pulverized and made into liquid, one liquid needs more liquid
nutrition: 5x day via feeding tube

not a bad days work all in all! we've experienced difficulty with feeding only once-- one of the pills mom takes has a tough coating that doesn't dissolve well at all... a little piece of shell got stuck in the tube. after i dug that out, all was well with the world again. tomorrow i'm inquiring to a liquid form of that little sucker. we will not be defeated!

mom's talking much better now. some syllables still aren't articulated well enough to understand... but that's what paper and pens are for, right?! her tongue is still swollen but gotta share that it's pink again and looks normal-- other than it's size. nice work, docs!

she's feeling "wonderful!" loves being back home and regaining her independence. the nurse came out to see her friday and told us about a chef who had the same cancer as mom. here's the story if anyone is interested:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/05/12/080512fa_fact_max

to prove what a great sense of humor mom has, we've got a joke about her new tongue that was rebuilt thanks to her thigh.... sooo, just how many razors does it take to shave a tongue?!

:)

tuesday... update on mom

THANK YOU to everyone for the emails asking how mom is!!

i've just returned from the hospital and have bunches of good news. my visits are twice daily-- a.m. and p.m. for about 3 hours each visit. my brother is now out of town, but he's been visiting each afternoon so mom has "enough" company during the day-- and so she can rest.

the surgery was 100% successful and (yay!) mom certainly survived. docs say every cancerous tumor was removed so we're hopeful nothing decides to return. as of now, there's no plan for chemo or radiation. they did take her neck lymph nodes out because they were "getting bumpy." it was either do it now or do it later-- they made the right choice as far as i'm concerned.

her traech prevents her from talking-- so does the enormous amount of tongue swelling... but the good news here is that she's already been traech down-sized! they put a smaller tube in this morning-- this will stay in 24-36 hours, then she'll get the final traech which she wears only 24 hours... then they close her up using tape until the hole closes completely by itself. she showed off a bit this morning by putting her finger over the traech and said "1-2-3" out loud! the biggest smile was on her face-- i had no idea this was possible-- thought talking would come only when the damn thing was removed entirely. tears came down. sheer joy!

i'm being trained on tube feeding. i must pass the test consistently before they'll let her go home and leave me in charge. it's not a difficult thing-- but it is rather scary. my greatest worry isn't my performance, but the limited number of times mom is able to take nutrition. her pre-surgery normal meal could be a half a crabcake and milk!! docs and nurses have certain nutrition stats that patients must attain-- mom's intake is below those. while they are coming around to understand she weighs only 85# and eats like a bird normally.... they're really watching to ensure she's not trying to pull a fast one on them! i can appreciate their efforts but facts are facts on mom's normal intake. she simply cannot take more than 100 ml of water and 100 ml of nutrition-- and she'll do that only once or twice a day! (by the way, their "meal" goal is 200 ml water and 200 ml nutrition, 3-4x day so you can see why they worry!) thankfully they've agreed to smaller intakes every 2-3 hours. mom has been comfortable with this and that alone is why they continue to allow us this leniency. the last thing we want is bloating, nausea and/or diahhrea.... if she has too much, that's the result.

home healthcare has been arranged but i'm pretty sure we won't need them as much as we did with prior surgeries. we'll certainly need the nurse to ensure infections don't creep in and wounds heal, but there's no post-op physical therapy or occ therapy this time around.

if all goes smoothly mom may get home by weeks end. her pups misses her but has been a good girl by behaving herself! she gets a little mad as one would expect... but so far, no accidents or mischief.

that's it in a nutshell! :)