vid worth watching

received this in an email.... sometimes i don't open this stuff cuz it's not worth the time. i'm glad i opened this one. fair warning, it'll tug at cha.

dad was a navy vet. he served as a pilot on one of the carriers in WW2. he always gave a knowing nod to other people he noticed either served or was serving in our military. i picked up that habit without realizing it until now..... if i pass a soldier in uniform and the situation presents itself, i'll try to catch their eye and say thank you.

back when desert storm was happening, my brother was serving-- as an air force pilot. for the longest time we weren't allowed to know where he was or what he was doing. i'll never forget the day mom got the call that he was coming home. even via the telephone, i could tell it was the first day in way too many that mom became herself again.

when mom called, it took no more than an hour for her to arrange getting us flights to go meet him. of course actually meeting him would take a couple of days as they had to get home from the other end of the world, but for heavens sake, those plans were made in an hour! i don't remember why dad didn't make the trip with us..... but i remember the flight we took was some red eye and i was very pregnant with my youngest son.... mom and i travelled with my two oldest children who were 3 at the time! i laugh when i recall getting them on their first flight and buckled in. they had no idea what was going on and they were sooo tired! god was with us that night as there was no screaming or tantrums..... the flight went with ease as did the cab ride to the hotel. my we musta been a sight to behold-- a pregnant lady with two 3 year olds and their gramma trasping around an airport at 2am! if people saw this today they'd probably think we were hiding from the law!

when we got to the base to welcome our troops home the next day, families were everywhere and it was quite the experience... pictures in the video you'll see made me remember this in vivid detail. people every-freaking-where! i'll never forget when the first planes were spotted..... they did a sorta fly-by thing and tipped their wing saying hello to those waiting on the ground. i've got goosebumps remembering this now...

when my brother got off the plane-- course he was the last one off being the pilot.... jeez, the waiting! ... the twins were jumping up and down "uncle dot, uncle dot!" and my pregnant body attempting to chase after them so their tiny bodies wouldn't get lost among the masses. tears.... oh my gawd, the tears from my mother's face.

bear with me-- i'm wiping tears right now.

ok... so i'm reliving that. i'm also reliving dad's funeral... there are a couple of pictures in the video that adequately show how i felt the day we buried him. how quickly that pain comes back with pictures. presenting the flag, the military personnel assigned to work the service, the feeling of honor and horrid sadness when taps played on that horn.

not kidding when i said the video will tug at you.... it did me, for my own reasons, you see. the person who created this video is a young lady all of 15 years old. for a brief 5 minutes, i had faith in our nations future while reliving some stunning memories of my own past.

http://www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

twintuition!

when i opened up my email this morning, this was waiting for me.... the twins somehow found each other while trolling around the city after the OSU game!

it's been interesting.... this bumping into each other stuff.... their smiles tell a good story.

3 in one year...

dad had two best friends from the very beginning of their schooling.... they were gale and jerry. not only were they friends, they were also in business together. their friendship lasted 72 years.... their business relationship lasted over 50 years by my best guess. gale passed last july-- he was 80. course dad passed in march-- he was 80. jerry passed this past saturday-- he was 80.

i keep thinking this is the last of a seriously big thing. that sort of relationship doesn't exist in my generation (that i'm aquainted with anyway). i am blessed to have known each of them, watched how they (and as equally amazing... their respective spouses and children) related and succumbed to the pleasure of knowing these 3 had all the right stuff.

certainly the 3 of them are holding court in heaven already.... i've felt the earth's axis tilting a bit all week. i'd like to think it's those 3 tried and true friends raising some cane. have at it, you 3.

a short while ago i had the pleasure of reading "the shack." timing of that read couldn't be more perfect. while the book helped me in ways too numerous to write, i can whole-heartedly say it left me knowing better of some things i once couldn't grasp. this book is a gift for anyone who reads it. no matter where you are in life or what circumstances have hit you, "the shack" has something for you to embrace.

http://theshackbook.com/index.html

ok, i'm done for now. enjoy your days!!

oh boy-- one of those days!

my week was as normal as normal could be.... until last night. hubby and i had gone to work out-- youngest son was at the football game-- youngest daughter still with her mom. then... out of the blue, a text message came in.

it's always a treat when oldest son gets ahold of me like this. i saw his name flash on the screen and smiled. his text-- "i miss gpa"

rather than having a blast with his buddies or whatever-- he was feeling a sense of personal loss on a friday night. ohhhh man! THUD. we text each other a couple more times, then said good-night. amazing how just a couple of text messages can send you to a place of mass emotion.

later last night, oldest daughter calls... issues on the roommate front. i'd say the conversation was short n' sweet, but let's leave it at short. we've talked about this stuff for awhile now and the situation escalated to uncomfortable-- she wanted to let me know. i opened my mouth, said a couple of things she wasn't wanting to hear at the moment and we hung up saying we'd talk again today.

i'll be the first to admit i don't always say the right things at the right times. i'm not sure if i made things worse for both kids or not last night. probably. this morning i have regret. with the whole night spent thinking about both communications, i'm pretty sure i was too sensitive to one and not sensitive enough with the other.

note to both kiddos if you're reading this-- i'd give anything to take your pain away. i can't change the way i think..... but i can apologize if i created more pain for either of you.

with hubby sound asleep, i stuck close to the dog the remainder of the night...... i can think or say anything i want and it stays so simple-- pet my head.

Labor day weekend 2008

easy come, easy go....

days roll in as fast as they leave anymore. i don't know how much that actually scares me, but it's a testament of how time passes me by on many days. i feel a real sense of loss when i look at the clock. it's not as if there aren't good things happening inside those hours.... they just aren't the stuff of which dreams are made. this is what i call cruising time..... doing what cha gotta do but not enjoying a passionate feeling of joy.

although i'm not working anymore-- a disappointing story not worth the details or time, i'm looking again for that extra "oomph." i'm still running.... something my children would realistically call jogging, so that's nice. but it's laborous as the bones age... i've yet to find what runners call that place where you "need" to run because it feels so right. for me, running takes every bit of motivation i've got to get to it.

anyway, mom's left eye was taken care of for cataracts.... we're in the never-ending eye drop stage for both eyes over the next several weeks. while she can put drops in herself, it gets confusing for her even with everything written out. heck-- I have trouble without the list!! so i'm here every couple of hours to ensure it gets done. the beautiful part of this whole thing is the fact she can see colors again! it's a beautiful world out there-- especially her back yard which she looks out at most of the day.... she's missed it for too long! her doctor tell us she's ahead of schedule with her seeing ability.... he's not kidding-- the woman can out-see a cat at night now! major kudos to dr. orlando and those new crystal lenses.

many "anniversaries" are coming up now.... this last quarter of last year was extremely tough for my caregiver buddies as someone seemed to lose their loved one everytime i read a blog. i had to make a tough choice to remove myself from reading blogs.... too painful. last august was the last full month we had dad in an overall ok state-- alz considered. the downhill spiral started and went fast from there... i just didn't know it at the time.

so, here's to you, my blogger buds. may god embrace your hearts and hold them close. i'm thinking about you and praying for your acceptance and healing each day.

8/17/07-chris' mom
9/17/07-lori's Helen
9/20/07-nancy's Russ
9/21/07-flinty's dad
10/15/07-chris' dad
11/02/07-betsey's mom
11/14/07-stef's nonna
12/27/07-cinn's mom

yeah... perhaps this explains why time is passing me by right now. i miss my dad. just as these friends miss their special people. mom closed dad's bedroom door so her pups wouldn't go hiding in there.... reasonable enough... but each time i go back there i urgently feel as if i need to be checking on him. then i see the closed door and feel weird.... a tightening.... not pain.... a twinge. ugh. i've turned into a 3 year old saying.... i no want to!!

sunday, 8/17/08

happy birthday to my bro! too bad he hasn't a clue how old he is..... we had our monthly sibling dinner friday night-- joining us that night was mom and dad's college roommate and his wife. the conversation turned to my brother's birthday and the question was asked how old..... bro came up with an answer that only proved how many hours he'd been working that week!

FINALLY got my laptop back!! wahooo!! it's been over a month. for all those concerned-- i'm fine. just a bit out of touch without my lifeline.

mom had one eye done for cataracts.... all's well so far. she has the other eye done next week. other than her life now directed around eyedrops, mom's in very good spirits! i watched the surgery... didn't think i could, but wow-- how kewl!! wasn't gross at all.

the biggest news on my end is i'm now employed.... i've been looking for the perfect situation that allowed me to be here with mom. it seems to have found me and i start tomorrow. i'll be working in a wellness center... it's only 4 days a week and a schedule that allows me to do everything with the kids and mom that i need to... amazing. thank you, god!

it's a friday and it's june....

:) my days are running together!

so i brought the jo down to mom's to give him a bath.... she's got the fancy hose thing so it's easier washing him here than at home. the pups doesn't mind getting a bath, but getting him in there is always a special task. i managed to get him locked in the back of the house where the bath and bedrooms are..... after running the water and laying out the towels, i went in search of my 4-legged buddy.

sure i wish i had my camera...... it was a scene the brain will never forget.

the jo was in dad's bed-- laying on dad's side of the bed with his head actually on the pillow.

i had to leave him there for a bit..... an overwhelming feeling said dad was there with him-- it was a moment.

later that night-- before i could tell hubby about the jo/dad moment, hubby called.... i was back down here at mom's getting her ready for bed. he was being told things-- random things-- from what he felt was an older man. hubby wrote all the stuff down for me... nothing makes sense at the moment... a name of someone i don't know (yet), a city, some dollar amounts or numbers, not sure.

i'll let you know if something comes of all that..... right now, the hair on the back of my neck is up. there's something to this..... dr. watson and i will be following the trail.

hi, what's up, dad?! i love you. i miss you.