easy come, easy go....
days roll in as fast as they leave anymore. i don't know how much that actually scares me, but it's a testament of how time passes me by on many days. i feel a real sense of loss when i look at the clock. it's not as if there aren't good things happening inside those hours.... they just aren't the stuff of which dreams are made. this is what i call cruising time..... doing what cha gotta do but not enjoying a passionate feeling of joy.
although i'm not working anymore-- a disappointing story not worth the details or time, i'm looking again for that extra "oomph." i'm still running.... something my children would realistically call jogging, so that's nice. but it's laborous as the bones age... i've yet to find what runners call that place where you "need" to run because it feels so right. for me, running takes every bit of motivation i've got to get to it.
anyway, mom's left eye was taken care of for cataracts.... we're in the never-ending eye drop stage for both eyes over the next several weeks. while she can put drops in herself, it gets confusing for her even with everything written out. heck-- I have trouble without the list!! so i'm here every couple of hours to ensure it gets done. the beautiful part of this whole thing is the fact she can see colors again! it's a beautiful world out there-- especially her back yard which she looks out at most of the day.... she's missed it for too long! her doctor tell us she's ahead of schedule with her seeing ability.... he's not kidding-- the woman can out-see a cat at night now! major kudos to dr. orlando and those new crystal lenses.
many "anniversaries" are coming up now.... this last quarter of last year was extremely tough for my caregiver buddies as someone seemed to lose their loved one everytime i read a blog. i had to make a tough choice to remove myself from reading blogs.... too painful. last august was the last full month we had dad in an overall ok state-- alz considered. the downhill spiral started and went fast from there... i just didn't know it at the time.
so, here's to you, my blogger buds. may god embrace your hearts and hold them close. i'm thinking about you and praying for your acceptance and healing each day.
8/17/07-chris' mom
9/17/07-lori's Helen
9/20/07-nancy's Russ
9/21/07-flinty's dad
10/15/07-chris' dad
11/02/07-betsey's mom
11/14/07-stef's nonna
12/27/07-cinn's mom
yeah... perhaps this explains why time is passing me by right now. i miss my dad. just as these friends miss their special people. mom closed dad's bedroom door so her pups wouldn't go hiding in there.... reasonable enough... but each time i go back there i urgently feel as if i need to be checking on him. then i see the closed door and feel weird.... a tightening.... not pain.... a twinge. ugh. i've turned into a 3 year old saying.... i no want to!!
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2 comments:
Hey Kat, I admire you running. I have arthritis and walking is tough at times. I push to do it though because I hope it might help me.
I can't believe ti is almost Fall. Trees are actually changing on the golf course right now. I wonder where the last year has gone. I understand what you mean about cruising time. I've done a lot of that this year. Still cruising, in fact.
When you are ready, is it possible to convert your Dad's bedroom into a different space? Perhaps a place where you could go and sit to read or sew or do some crafts? That has to be incredibly difficult to walk past that room. (((hugs)))
Oh I definitely relate to cruising time. The days seem to go by so quickly, some good some bad, but without purpose or direction. Thanks for thinking of us this time of year.
As for running, my hat is off to you. I doubt my old bones could take that. :)
I know you miss your dad sweetie. You and your mom will know when it is time to change his room. Although I moved into Helen's room, it is still her pictures on the wall and her things on the top of the chest of drawers, so be patient with yourself.
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