friday-- 5/14/09

wow-- two posts in a week! i've decided to post again because i just finished reading a book that i've gotta recommend.

eat, pray, love
by elizabeth gilbert

anyone who's on a journey in their life would find this book one of value. it's not a magic book of answers-- it's simply following a woman on her personal journey. i loved the book because it provided a great balance of thought provoking stuff to ponder and awesome humor.

i've concluded that after this caregiving role is done, i must to go on a journey like the author. my journey will not include the traveling as liz's does.... but it will include doing things and going places that will get my mind where it's supposed to be-- in a good, happy and contented place. that's my brand new long-term goal-- with an estimated start time of 2015. (!!)

my reality (unfortunately) is it's impossible for this journey to begin under the circumstances i live with today. sure, i can read tons of books and articles.... i can pray anytime, anywhere. those are some things for my now..... they'll get me by the day-to-day. this issue of day-to-day is what has caused my soul to dehydrate-- it didn't start with caregiving-- although caregiving did intensify this depletion... it really started back in my 20's. i could go into all that but the cliff notes version is enough. i simply did what i had to do because of a particular obligation i was under. i gave no further thought that i wasn't doing something i really, really wanted to do. i didn't feel any great sense of loss because i was too busy to think otherwise.

here lies the great cliche...... life passes you by. here's my beef..... i let it! i didn't have anyone along the way who pulled me aside and said "hey girl-- what are you doing to fulfill your soul?!" or, "hey girl-- you're so busy doing what you gotta do that you're forgetting about doing stuff you wanna do!" i have such a sense of duty! further-- i was always complimented on that sense of duty-- which i suspect gave me satisfaction and encouragement to simply continue being dutiful. did i mention i'm co-dependent? i learned that in my late 20's and it's been proved many times since. yet-- i've really done nothing about it other than to acknowledge this notion. my head will remind me but my actions do nothing about it. days come in-- days go out.

soooo, now i have a new goal that will start in approximately 5-10 years from now. i will start planning for it-- now. sure hope my soul can hang on for the duration..... it will-- i've proven it can be done. there will be a price to pay-- i know this too and will prepare. i'm in gods hands-- that's my start!

read the book, friends. lemme know what you think.