last friday i heard from mom's doctor. the mass they reviewed from her 2nd MRI still is undetermined. he went on to as to say he didn't feel it was a tumor or cancer... that it might be an old trauma or perhaps multiple sclerosis. with that said, yet one more MRI-- one specifically for the brain, has been ordered for this friday.
doing my best to phrase things properly with mom, it still hit her pretty hard. as expected, the first reaction were words similiar to wanting to be off this planet. those words were pretty prevelent before last august-- we heard them almost everyday. since her surgery and all the good therapy that went along with it, those words haven't been heard-- at all, until now. it's very understandable and i predicted this so knew what was coming.... divertion was met and within an hour, mom was herself again.
brother got mom set up with a new (old, but new for her!) laptop so we both now have full access to our stuff during the day when the urge strikes. having saved one last positive for when the timing of it was right, i showed her where the internet radio was and she's basking gloriously in her piano scapes.
dad is tired again today. he was up most of the day yesterday so this could be just a day of recovery from that. he still wants to go to rotary, so i'm letting him rest until the last possible moment.
i took him to the VA for his labs last friday-- we go in for his 6 month check up this friday-- unless i can reschedule-- which i'm trying to do as last time i checked it was impossible for me to be two places at one time. with the holiday upon us, help will be more readily available but brother would like me to schedule dad's exam for next week when he's here if possible. hey- no problemo... i'm on it!
landscaping equipment is arriving at my house so banjo is hanging here with us today. i swear animals are too smart for their own good-- how they tend to those in need is simply a gift from heaven. one i'm so happy to be a part of-- even if it is just by watching.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
sunday, november 18, 2007
yesterday marked the one year anniversary of dad's accident-- and of the weekend spent at the hospital watching the michigan game.... and.... finding out dad had been taking aricept for the better part of 10 years.
this particular sunday, one year ago, the decision was made that i would stay home and be dad's caregiver... he would give up his car, his business, his basic freedom of life... each in due time of course, but that was indeed the outcome.
as i reflect on this past year-- there were days i felt like a hopeless failure, days where complete sadness overcame me, days i didn't know would end. it's funny that i can remember those days... in full detail... because over the past 365 days, those specific days can be counted on both hands. the rest of the time was filled with humor, contentment, honor, and a full heart. i'll bet there are many out there who, if they counted, would need more than two hands to count their really difficult, bad days.
yup-- i'm blessed. WE'RE blessed.
a thought hit me yesterday that when this whole adventure ends, i'll have to sit in front of potential employers and explain the void in my career. -- explain it!! the world out there doesn't embrace efforts like this-- they're too busy needing more, wanting more, getting more. lives surrounding careers these days are all emcompassing... you give it all to your employer-- family comes in down the line.
nuh uh!! not this chic. i see the eyes and know what's behind them... i hear the wonder in the voice... in one instant i know. just as i've seen and heard this past year-- there are those whom i've needed to remove from my life. those who believe i'm doing the right thing (because it's the politically correct thing for them to say to me), but what am i doing for me. seriously.... do i have to tell them this is for me?! if i do, then there's the answer as to why things have changed.
this past year has been a huge opportunity for my personal growth, my spiritual growth, learning who i am. ok, i can't go out with friends... can't go anywhere without planning. this is small beans. really small beans. god has put each member of my family on a path and it's a path i see very clearly. no- i can't see the future.... but this short-term past and this present-- my current. it all makes sense. this is what i wish for everyone. will this epiphany be somewhat of an anniversary for you, too? i wish you enough.
this particular sunday, one year ago, the decision was made that i would stay home and be dad's caregiver... he would give up his car, his business, his basic freedom of life... each in due time of course, but that was indeed the outcome.
as i reflect on this past year-- there were days i felt like a hopeless failure, days where complete sadness overcame me, days i didn't know would end. it's funny that i can remember those days... in full detail... because over the past 365 days, those specific days can be counted on both hands. the rest of the time was filled with humor, contentment, honor, and a full heart. i'll bet there are many out there who, if they counted, would need more than two hands to count their really difficult, bad days.
yup-- i'm blessed. WE'RE blessed.
a thought hit me yesterday that when this whole adventure ends, i'll have to sit in front of potential employers and explain the void in my career. -- explain it!! the world out there doesn't embrace efforts like this-- they're too busy needing more, wanting more, getting more. lives surrounding careers these days are all emcompassing... you give it all to your employer-- family comes in down the line.
nuh uh!! not this chic. i see the eyes and know what's behind them... i hear the wonder in the voice... in one instant i know. just as i've seen and heard this past year-- there are those whom i've needed to remove from my life. those who believe i'm doing the right thing (because it's the politically correct thing for them to say to me), but what am i doing for me. seriously.... do i have to tell them this is for me?! if i do, then there's the answer as to why things have changed.
this past year has been a huge opportunity for my personal growth, my spiritual growth, learning who i am. ok, i can't go out with friends... can't go anywhere without planning. this is small beans. really small beans. god has put each member of my family on a path and it's a path i see very clearly. no- i can't see the future.... but this short-term past and this present-- my current. it all makes sense. this is what i wish for everyone. will this epiphany be somewhat of an anniversary for you, too? i wish you enough.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
tuesday, november 12, 2007
it's always delightful when dad gets an invitation to spend time with his buds.... during yesterdays rotary meeting, he was invited to breakfast this morning. he was also invited to have lunch next week -- one on one, with another rotarian.
during dinner last night, we had a game of 20 questions... brought me back-- but that's sorta off topic. the questions related to... now what is this? what do i do with that? how do i use that? youngest son sat thru this game with me and remained quiet... it sort of caught him off guard. most likely he was asking himself how in the world can grampa not know and/or understand that the glass of juice in his hand is what he takes his pills with?!
after we went thru the instructions, dad managed to finish 75% of his meal and his pills. then.... dad started focusing on the breakfast invitation. major focus there-- there was nothing else to be discussed. i went along with this yet i knew what would be coming all night long if this breakfast was permitted to happen... so, with the help of mom and brother, a plan was made.
thankfully the plan worked as dad was sound asleep in his bed when i arrived this morning. thank you heavenly father... thank you mom and brother.
i love this.
during dinner last night, we had a game of 20 questions... brought me back-- but that's sorta off topic. the questions related to... now what is this? what do i do with that? how do i use that? youngest son sat thru this game with me and remained quiet... it sort of caught him off guard. most likely he was asking himself how in the world can grampa not know and/or understand that the glass of juice in his hand is what he takes his pills with?!
after we went thru the instructions, dad managed to finish 75% of his meal and his pills. then.... dad started focusing on the breakfast invitation. major focus there-- there was nothing else to be discussed. i went along with this yet i knew what would be coming all night long if this breakfast was permitted to happen... so, with the help of mom and brother, a plan was made.
thankfully the plan worked as dad was sound asleep in his bed when i arrived this morning. thank you heavenly father... thank you mom and brother.
i love this.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
sunday, november 11, 2007
greetings!
ok, so it's rainy and cold. yesterday was gorgeous but the buckeyes lost. take the good with the not so good.... then if it starts getting to us, begin that list of blessings and regroup!
the later part of this week proved worth the wait for a positive... dad began to wake up earlier and not sleep all day and night. he began eating 3 squares again, too. niiiice. for awhile there i was feeling we were starting to see an ending. unfortunately i have to keep it real, folks. i know that's not easy to read.
mom's MRI showed a mass on her spine. back for another test we went-- and go, to determine what the mass is and how we'll deal with it. naturally floods of feelings were floating in and out all week-- got the anger, the denial, the nothing, the ok, the what if, the what not. not so good times yet we made it thru and keep moving forward... which brings us to the current and the future....
for whatever reason, my head is already on christmas. it doesn't seem to matter that we've not had thanksgiving yet! i've never decorated the outside of the house over these 18+ years, yet... my head seems to wish to do that this year. it's taking great restraint to not do anything!! what's up with this?!!
i devoured a trilogy of books this week... it got so sucked up in them that i finished all 3 books in 4 days. mom was so intrigued with my obsession (yes, it was definitely an obsession) that she put down the book she was reading to start on the trilogy. for those interested, the books are by nora roberts.. the key of light, the key of knowledge, the key of valor. fun, entertaining reads. (our thanks to ruth for the first two books...)
ok, so it's rainy and cold. yesterday was gorgeous but the buckeyes lost. take the good with the not so good.... then if it starts getting to us, begin that list of blessings and regroup!
the later part of this week proved worth the wait for a positive... dad began to wake up earlier and not sleep all day and night. he began eating 3 squares again, too. niiiice. for awhile there i was feeling we were starting to see an ending. unfortunately i have to keep it real, folks. i know that's not easy to read.
mom's MRI showed a mass on her spine. back for another test we went-- and go, to determine what the mass is and how we'll deal with it. naturally floods of feelings were floating in and out all week-- got the anger, the denial, the nothing, the ok, the what if, the what not. not so good times yet we made it thru and keep moving forward... which brings us to the current and the future....
for whatever reason, my head is already on christmas. it doesn't seem to matter that we've not had thanksgiving yet! i've never decorated the outside of the house over these 18+ years, yet... my head seems to wish to do that this year. it's taking great restraint to not do anything!! what's up with this?!!
i devoured a trilogy of books this week... it got so sucked up in them that i finished all 3 books in 4 days. mom was so intrigued with my obsession (yes, it was definitely an obsession) that she put down the book she was reading to start on the trilogy. for those interested, the books are by nora roberts.. the key of light, the key of knowledge, the key of valor. fun, entertaining reads. (our thanks to ruth for the first two books...)
Sunday, November 4, 2007
sunday, november 4, 2007
our buckeyes pulled one off again! not having the game on TV proved difficult, but manageable... i pulled out the two radios-- one for mom and one for dad. dad sat in his chair all the way thru the 3rd quarter and listened. his head finally got the best of him-- was concerned that he couldn't see the game. he kept looking at the TV-- the screen was black. i reminded him the game wasn't on TV but-- determined, he went back to his room to see if he could watch it there. it didn't take but a minute for him to come out and ask me to go back with him to check on his shoes and buttons.
while i knew he was referring to the TV and remote, there was no way of getting him to understand the game wasn't on the screen, only on the radio. dad was tired and well past the point of understanding, so i put another game on TV for him to watch and told him the buckeyes game was over and they had won. with that done, he settled into his bed for an hour or so. thankfully by the time he woke, the bucks HAD won and the game was over.
dad sat at the kitchen table with mom for about 45 minutes last night. mom handled this very well. she's gotten much better communicating with him. her patience was in tact and with a little bit of help at times, managed to work her way thru chit chat. their common ground was sasha-- who was very generous with her licks and attention.
with the time change happening overnight we kept things with mom and sasha on the body time frame-- which meant getting here an hour early... but arrived with no problem as my body doesn't know the time changed either!! dad was in the hallway to greet me and began asking about his breath and why he was being told he needed to look for his pajamas (which he doesn't have nor wear). ok--the breath thing perplexed me but i got out his toothbrush for him thinking maybe he wanted to brush his teeth. nope! he asked me to go into his bedroom with him instead. i did, only to find him staring at me. ok, that was weird.
finding everything in order, i gave him a hug and told him it was very early and wondered if he didn't want to go back to bed for awhile. he did but not without more random, strange conversation first. and so it continues.
may your day be blessed and wonderful!!
while i knew he was referring to the TV and remote, there was no way of getting him to understand the game wasn't on the screen, only on the radio. dad was tired and well past the point of understanding, so i put another game on TV for him to watch and told him the buckeyes game was over and they had won. with that done, he settled into his bed for an hour or so. thankfully by the time he woke, the bucks HAD won and the game was over.
dad sat at the kitchen table with mom for about 45 minutes last night. mom handled this very well. she's gotten much better communicating with him. her patience was in tact and with a little bit of help at times, managed to work her way thru chit chat. their common ground was sasha-- who was very generous with her licks and attention.
with the time change happening overnight we kept things with mom and sasha on the body time frame-- which meant getting here an hour early... but arrived with no problem as my body doesn't know the time changed either!! dad was in the hallway to greet me and began asking about his breath and why he was being told he needed to look for his pajamas (which he doesn't have nor wear). ok--the breath thing perplexed me but i got out his toothbrush for him thinking maybe he wanted to brush his teeth. nope! he asked me to go into his bedroom with him instead. i did, only to find him staring at me. ok, that was weird.
finding everything in order, i gave him a hug and told him it was very early and wondered if he didn't want to go back to bed for awhile. he did but not without more random, strange conversation first. and so it continues.
may your day be blessed and wonderful!!
Thursday, November 1, 2007
thursday,.. november 1st!
we've made it to november! welcome to the month of thanksgiving.... although each month should definitely serve this celebration-- it's the tradition, right?
mom's MRI results came back-- she's been diagnosed with spinal stenosis. we're scheduled to see a specialist next monday to review what options she's got. thankfully the "spot" on her leg was swabbed and came back clear of staph-- a real relief as it started to appear when she returned from the hospital and of course.... all the press lately about those infections in hospitals has been on our minds and in our face. we follow up with her regular doc today to see what else she might need for the darn thing to heal.
dad continues to be mr. sleepy head. although i've managed to get him up each afternoon long enough that he tires well enough for a decent nights sleep-- this just wears on us. he's taken to wearing some pretty clever outfits this week-- i'm going with he's just playing along with the halloween spirit! because we're now over that time-- i'll go with him now creating a new fashion trend from this point forward.
i chatted with a friend on line awhile yesterday... was told that this blog should include more about how i'm doing. fear not good friends, i'm doing well. although i won't deny i feel tired more often, it's more of a mental tired as i'm physically doing things all day long.
there are a lot of things that still need to be worked thru here at the house with mom and dad... it's one day at a time decision making. i'm constantly warned about taking care of myself and please know this is happening as much as i am able. yes... there are things that aren't done well enough. i'm very much aware of what i need to do more of-- and i do those things at every opportunity. please understand, dear friends, that my job-- like yours, demands flexibility and time management. some days there is time to get it all done-- others, there just simply isn't... so they get done another day.
soooo... in this new month of thanksgiving, thank you for your support, your prayers, your concerns and voice. my life is blessed-- and with god's help, i plan on keeping it that way!!
may you and yours be blessed as well.
mom's MRI results came back-- she's been diagnosed with spinal stenosis. we're scheduled to see a specialist next monday to review what options she's got. thankfully the "spot" on her leg was swabbed and came back clear of staph-- a real relief as it started to appear when she returned from the hospital and of course.... all the press lately about those infections in hospitals has been on our minds and in our face. we follow up with her regular doc today to see what else she might need for the darn thing to heal.
dad continues to be mr. sleepy head. although i've managed to get him up each afternoon long enough that he tires well enough for a decent nights sleep-- this just wears on us. he's taken to wearing some pretty clever outfits this week-- i'm going with he's just playing along with the halloween spirit! because we're now over that time-- i'll go with him now creating a new fashion trend from this point forward.
i chatted with a friend on line awhile yesterday... was told that this blog should include more about how i'm doing. fear not good friends, i'm doing well. although i won't deny i feel tired more often, it's more of a mental tired as i'm physically doing things all day long.
there are a lot of things that still need to be worked thru here at the house with mom and dad... it's one day at a time decision making. i'm constantly warned about taking care of myself and please know this is happening as much as i am able. yes... there are things that aren't done well enough. i'm very much aware of what i need to do more of-- and i do those things at every opportunity. please understand, dear friends, that my job-- like yours, demands flexibility and time management. some days there is time to get it all done-- others, there just simply isn't... so they get done another day.
soooo... in this new month of thanksgiving, thank you for your support, your prayers, your concerns and voice. my life is blessed-- and with god's help, i plan on keeping it that way!!
may you and yours be blessed as well.
Monday, October 29, 2007
monday, 10/29/07
hectic weekend!! our roof is being put on throwing the pups in a tizzy! he's coming down here to hang with us and get out of the shaking, noisey house... mom and dad love banjo-- although he's enormous for them and his tail could be registered as a legal weapon. sasha weighs 6 pounds-- that's what they're used to having around!! the two tails respect each other and the jo has been nothing but a gentleman... it always fascinates me how animals know what humans need most-- be it a kiss, a nudge or simply checking out the situation. their intuition is amazing.
dad chose not to attend a special scottish rite luncheon on saturday. this is beyond different-- he's usually so happy to have such things on his calendar. of course his mind was on it all day as he went about asking where his badge was or his something else-- i can't remember the name of it. my brother was so upset by this.... it is upsetting-- but something that's becoming more the norm so we all must learn to roll with these punches to the gut without laboring over them.
brother was more than punchy yesterday during his visit... mom had a list of to do's and he sighed each time as if they were some great burden. naturally she let the sighs go while he was here and saved the banter for me.... that's ok-- at least she got it off her chest and didn't let it fester inside as she used to doing.
dad slept a great deal during brother's visit-- he came out when he knew i'd be here... and we stayed up a bit later to watch CSI on tv. now THAT was weird-- dad has never in his life watched shows other than PBS or news type television. for some reason he chuckled the whole way thru the show-- there was not too much funny stuff-- i'm still perplexed as to what he saw that made him chuckle...
we'll see if he wants to go to his rotary meeting today-- let's all pray.
dad chose not to attend a special scottish rite luncheon on saturday. this is beyond different-- he's usually so happy to have such things on his calendar. of course his mind was on it all day as he went about asking where his badge was or his something else-- i can't remember the name of it. my brother was so upset by this.... it is upsetting-- but something that's becoming more the norm so we all must learn to roll with these punches to the gut without laboring over them.
brother was more than punchy yesterday during his visit... mom had a list of to do's and he sighed each time as if they were some great burden. naturally she let the sighs go while he was here and saved the banter for me.... that's ok-- at least she got it off her chest and didn't let it fester inside as she used to doing.
dad slept a great deal during brother's visit-- he came out when he knew i'd be here... and we stayed up a bit later to watch CSI on tv. now THAT was weird-- dad has never in his life watched shows other than PBS or news type television. for some reason he chuckled the whole way thru the show-- there was not too much funny stuff-- i'm still perplexed as to what he saw that made him chuckle...
we'll see if he wants to go to his rotary meeting today-- let's all pray.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
