happy day to all you moms of kids n' animals (yes, they count)!
having 3 of the greatest kids on earth has made me happy since 1987. it doesn't take a day such as today for me to be grateful for them. the blessings they bestowed on me are so vast they are indescribeable. did i spell that right? oh well i don't care, you get it.
my mom has has a good mother's day.... a visit from bro and sister-in-law... and my daughter stopped by too, so her day has filled up well-- and now she's off with her once a month eating buddy. she's having a good day.
mom's appetite has been minimal and it's a worry but not a big concern-- yet. i know the problem is mental and that counts big time on the life-balances scale. she's always been a very light eater, now it's simply lighter than light. she's getting full nutrition thanks to her carnation (ensure type) drink. i hope this outing of hers brings enjoyment and a ton a calories!
we've gotten her office boxes completely unpacked and everything is now in a place-- good. the only thing left on our list of to-do's is get a wireless printer for her. bro is working on that already and with any luck, i'll pick it up and we'll have it in place this week. it's a major craigslist find. thankfully it comes from a business, so i have less worry about meeting up with someone i don't know.
youngest son's prom was last night-- got him back home this morning with no surpises or issues. yay! my heart was at peace all night as the kids got his head on straight..... but i'm also a realist and expect the unexpected..... seeing his smiling face back home this morning certainly brought relief that nothing unexpected happened!
til next time. blessings to you all.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
end of april
well.... another month gone! i suspect may will come and go as quickly as my graduates are quickening their pace and their sibling is planning a move into a new apartment. it's a fun time for this mom as i watch and listen to their plans. lil man is negotiating financial arrangements with his college of choice-- oldest daughter is keeping several balls in the air with potential employers-- oldest son is planning his future although i suspect he's rather unaware of it. this is good stuff for ole mom to see.
the testing my mom went thru yesterday went without a hitch. it was one long-ass day but she made it thru just fine. for me, (and yes, certainly my mom) now comes the hard part.... waiting for results and the docs determination of what's next. we know there will be surgery the first week of june. we know it'll be an extensive surgery-- 7-8 hours minimum. yesterday's testing will tell us if a couple hours will be added to that.
we already know she'll be in the hospital a minimum of a week and she'll have a feeding tube. a tracheostomy may be needed... if. beyond that is unknown today.
after talking with my brother last night, it became clearer to me that we're in for a ride. i had all the information in my head but hadn't put it all together until i started explaining everything i knew.
there's a lot about our mother that neither of us can predict. we've done a lot of guessing as to how she'll deal with things but the surprises come often-- caregiving for mom is very much like playing a tennis match. i've done a lot of thinking about this over the last 24 hours..... the cliche that you really never know someone keeps coming out on top.
with that said, i can tell you that i'm totally impressed with mom right now. totally! there were years my brother and i were told that she just "wanted off the planet." she was so angry and unhappy.... she wanted her life on earth to be done. with this new challenge, she's dealing and wants to do what she's being told must be done. gotta hand it to her.... if i was asked a month ago whether or not she'd go thru with the surgery, etc., i would have told you no, she would not. both her mother and her sister "hid" their cancers from the family. it was too late by the time anyone figured it out-- they secretly lived with it until their lives ended.
i could write forever on the pros and cons of my gramma and aunts decisions.... i won't do that. but i will tell you that i get both sides. i miss them. their family misses them. but we were left with a lot of unanswered questions. let's hope no one's gonna be missing my mom for quite a long time.... and when that time comes, we'll all know she did the best she could do. every decision counts whether we agree or disagree personally. when it comes down to dying, it should be on our own terms.... god willing.
the testing my mom went thru yesterday went without a hitch. it was one long-ass day but she made it thru just fine. for me, (and yes, certainly my mom) now comes the hard part.... waiting for results and the docs determination of what's next. we know there will be surgery the first week of june. we know it'll be an extensive surgery-- 7-8 hours minimum. yesterday's testing will tell us if a couple hours will be added to that.
we already know she'll be in the hospital a minimum of a week and she'll have a feeding tube. a tracheostomy may be needed... if. beyond that is unknown today.
after talking with my brother last night, it became clearer to me that we're in for a ride. i had all the information in my head but hadn't put it all together until i started explaining everything i knew.
there's a lot about our mother that neither of us can predict. we've done a lot of guessing as to how she'll deal with things but the surprises come often-- caregiving for mom is very much like playing a tennis match. i've done a lot of thinking about this over the last 24 hours..... the cliche that you really never know someone keeps coming out on top.
with that said, i can tell you that i'm totally impressed with mom right now. totally! there were years my brother and i were told that she just "wanted off the planet." she was so angry and unhappy.... she wanted her life on earth to be done. with this new challenge, she's dealing and wants to do what she's being told must be done. gotta hand it to her.... if i was asked a month ago whether or not she'd go thru with the surgery, etc., i would have told you no, she would not. both her mother and her sister "hid" their cancers from the family. it was too late by the time anyone figured it out-- they secretly lived with it until their lives ended.
i could write forever on the pros and cons of my gramma and aunts decisions.... i won't do that. but i will tell you that i get both sides. i miss them. their family misses them. but we were left with a lot of unanswered questions. let's hope no one's gonna be missing my mom for quite a long time.... and when that time comes, we'll all know she did the best she could do. every decision counts whether we agree or disagree personally. when it comes down to dying, it should be on our own terms.... god willing.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
saturday, 4/18/09
i've got a nasty cold. i was perplexed as to how i got it... somehow while caregiving over the past few years, i've managed to stay well. and thank god! giving sickness to my parents wasn't on the list of things to do. hubby finally put my mind to rest last night as all week i've kept saying i don't understand how i caught this..... obviously i don't have enough to worry about as this has been top of mind! haha. so the answer lies with a co-worker-- according to hubby, she brought her children to the office easter shin-dig last friday that we all attended despite them having a fever and strepp throat.
brilliance!! absolute brilliance!!
good parenting is something i think about a lot. i'm old school. i believe that children have a right to fail and be disappointed. do i wish that on them? no way. but i embrace it. too many children get every darn thing they want because gosh darn it-- they deserve it!
case in point-- this co-workers children. god forbid they be disappointed and must stay home...... they absolutely HAD to go to mom's office to enjoy the festivities. it wasn't good enough that the following sunday they would have the biggest easter basket known to man waiting for them. soo, bottom line, the kids enjoyed the shin-dig and several of hubby's co-workers got to enjoy being off work suffering thru sore throats and misery, and i got to bring my sickness into my mom's house the week before she goes to the oncologist. yes, this morning, she's sneezing and monday is her appointment.
ohhh-- well done.
brilliance!! absolute brilliance!!
good parenting is something i think about a lot. i'm old school. i believe that children have a right to fail and be disappointed. do i wish that on them? no way. but i embrace it. too many children get every darn thing they want because gosh darn it-- they deserve it!
case in point-- this co-workers children. god forbid they be disappointed and must stay home...... they absolutely HAD to go to mom's office to enjoy the festivities. it wasn't good enough that the following sunday they would have the biggest easter basket known to man waiting for them. soo, bottom line, the kids enjoyed the shin-dig and several of hubby's co-workers got to enjoy being off work suffering thru sore throats and misery, and i got to bring my sickness into my mom's house the week before she goes to the oncologist. yes, this morning, she's sneezing and monday is her appointment.
ohhh-- well done.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter Sunday!
i've already received some pics from friends with wee ones..... the easter bunny may be right up there with santa!
mom's appt with the oncologist is the 20th.... she's received some mail about the appt. but has yet to show it to me. so'k.... all in due time. it's probably stress related but some spots have shown up on mom's face and they worry me. when they became obvious i asked about them and she replied that they've always been there. k, we'll go with that for now.
mom's been to her office now three times..... making good headway at closing it up. my brother will surely make a comment to me when he visits mom here at home the next time-- all her precious letters and pictures have come home and are surrounding her at the kitchen and computer tables. then, there are the boxes of stuff she needs "to do something with" creating an inner wall in the kitchen, and half the worlds pens and pencils now reside here as well. he's always chuckled at women's nesting efforts..... his mother is the reigning queen.
it's a bit shocking to walk thru all this stuff and she's only begun to clean out her office. i've always been impressed with the older generations in my family..... everything they have is important to keep somewhere safe and it's not until my generation helps them move it that we see how well hidden things have been! seriously-- from inside picture frames and book covers to deep vases, you literally have to dig and inspect every item before you can decide what to do with it. a treasure may be hidden inside it! dad had hidden things for decades..... his office could have been donated to the smithsonian as is.
mom's appt with the oncologist is the 20th.... she's received some mail about the appt. but has yet to show it to me. so'k.... all in due time. it's probably stress related but some spots have shown up on mom's face and they worry me. when they became obvious i asked about them and she replied that they've always been there. k, we'll go with that for now.
mom's been to her office now three times..... making good headway at closing it up. my brother will surely make a comment to me when he visits mom here at home the next time-- all her precious letters and pictures have come home and are surrounding her at the kitchen and computer tables. then, there are the boxes of stuff she needs "to do something with" creating an inner wall in the kitchen, and half the worlds pens and pencils now reside here as well. he's always chuckled at women's nesting efforts..... his mother is the reigning queen.
it's a bit shocking to walk thru all this stuff and she's only begun to clean out her office. i've always been impressed with the older generations in my family..... everything they have is important to keep somewhere safe and it's not until my generation helps them move it that we see how well hidden things have been! seriously-- from inside picture frames and book covers to deep vases, you literally have to dig and inspect every item before you can decide what to do with it. a treasure may be hidden inside it! dad had hidden things for decades..... his office could have been donated to the smithsonian as is.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
april 4th
must be making some good headway, i know todays date!
it's been an interesting week. oldest son received his tax refund-- wahoo! it's his first return of any substanance so i've gotta be happy for him. daughter had a nice interview with two more scheduled for april..... she's being sought out by companies. again-- gotta be happy because she's the only person i know who's being sought out! youngest son put a deposit down on his prom tux and he pitched a nice game earlier this week. and..... my personal favorite of the week, we got a phone call that there's a car in his budget that he should look at to buy.
mom decided to officially retire from the workforce on april 30th. i can honestly say this threw me as she's held onto this thing for two years with only a hand-full of visits.... all of a sudden on thursday, she tells me she'd like to go to her office friday with boxes and trashbags. she had already made phone calls to the management company, her tenant, her bank, and a woman who was her ideal candidate for taking over her mail responsibilities. when the woman makes up her mind, it's a done deal! wow.
of course i know why all of this came about as fast as it did..... it was the oral surgeons diagnosis of a spot of cancer on her tongue. she feels this is the last ta-da. while i emphatically disagree, her office is her decision and i'll abide by her wishes. she's in good spirits and i'll just do all i can to keep it that way.
i've managed to keep a grip on myself this week so feel blessed my brooding isn't winning it's never-ending efforts. the garden got weeded although there are too many other gardens to still get thru! snow is coming our way again in two days so i'll keep going as i'm able. this helps keep my mind off of the job situation. it'll be another two weeks before i hear if i made it to the next cut.
i was able to track down a high school friend of mine this week. this would be one of those "godsequences" i'm so fond of..... her mom has alz. she was floored to hear i dealt with the disease too. while her mom is in assisted living, she's struggling to find that balance we all know and need. i look forward to catching up with her and with any luck at all, helping her get thru some of her current alz issues.
have a good week, everyone!
it's been an interesting week. oldest son received his tax refund-- wahoo! it's his first return of any substanance so i've gotta be happy for him. daughter had a nice interview with two more scheduled for april..... she's being sought out by companies. again-- gotta be happy because she's the only person i know who's being sought out! youngest son put a deposit down on his prom tux and he pitched a nice game earlier this week. and..... my personal favorite of the week, we got a phone call that there's a car in his budget that he should look at to buy.
mom decided to officially retire from the workforce on april 30th. i can honestly say this threw me as she's held onto this thing for two years with only a hand-full of visits.... all of a sudden on thursday, she tells me she'd like to go to her office friday with boxes and trashbags. she had already made phone calls to the management company, her tenant, her bank, and a woman who was her ideal candidate for taking over her mail responsibilities. when the woman makes up her mind, it's a done deal! wow.
of course i know why all of this came about as fast as it did..... it was the oral surgeons diagnosis of a spot of cancer on her tongue. she feels this is the last ta-da. while i emphatically disagree, her office is her decision and i'll abide by her wishes. she's in good spirits and i'll just do all i can to keep it that way.
i've managed to keep a grip on myself this week so feel blessed my brooding isn't winning it's never-ending efforts. the garden got weeded although there are too many other gardens to still get thru! snow is coming our way again in two days so i'll keep going as i'm able. this helps keep my mind off of the job situation. it'll be another two weeks before i hear if i made it to the next cut.
i was able to track down a high school friend of mine this week. this would be one of those "godsequences" i'm so fond of..... her mom has alz. she was floored to hear i dealt with the disease too. while her mom is in assisted living, she's struggling to find that balance we all know and need. i look forward to catching up with her and with any luck at all, helping her get thru some of her current alz issues.
have a good week, everyone!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
sunday... i used to know dates. now i don't care!
thank gawd spring is here. while it's dropped from 50 to 30 today, i know it's short-lived and anymore, it's these little things that mean the most. hey-- we've got daffodils blooming. it counts, dammit!
that was a tough thing to say-- that note about the little things meaning the most. i've always been a positive person. seems anymore tho, i've been hit with the tough-stuff and can't seem to find my way back up. when times get tough i get quiet and brood. so for quite a nice little while now, i've brooded! yeahhh-- i'm that girl!!
sure, i've still got a sense of humor.... lookout if that goes!! each month i laugh about the fact i get two+ periods. yes, virginia, there is a menopause. there aren't enough tampons or toilet paper to go around. let's not speak of the fact there's a money issue at home.... we'll leave that one there thank you very much.
i've had some interviews-- a blessing to get those. the ratio of apps created vs. interviews obtained is an ugly one. no job offers yet, but hey, i'm trying like half the world. i'm working hard at networking-- this helps but so far hasn't scored me anymore than one of those interviews i referred to. the hard knocks come when people tell me that i'm everything they're looking for but they've hired an internal candidate. my brother said it all so consisely earlier..... employers can get anyone they want right now-- and at a better price. further, and more helpful to me personally, was him also mentioning that employers are beginning to let those mediocre employees go because they have better chosing opportunities now (we're an at-will state)..... so what those mediocre employees lacked or under-performed at, companies can hire better people now and get more bang for the hard-working, better skilled, long-term buck. you get what you pay for, right?
sigh. ok enough. i think i needed to get that out-- whew! maybe the brooding ends today! :)
mom's doing very well. my kiddos are great. it's me-- i'm the sticky booger! ohhhh my... what would dad be saying right now?
that was a tough thing to say-- that note about the little things meaning the most. i've always been a positive person. seems anymore tho, i've been hit with the tough-stuff and can't seem to find my way back up. when times get tough i get quiet and brood. so for quite a nice little while now, i've brooded! yeahhh-- i'm that girl!!
sure, i've still got a sense of humor.... lookout if that goes!! each month i laugh about the fact i get two+ periods. yes, virginia, there is a menopause. there aren't enough tampons or toilet paper to go around. let's not speak of the fact there's a money issue at home.... we'll leave that one there thank you very much.
i've had some interviews-- a blessing to get those. the ratio of apps created vs. interviews obtained is an ugly one. no job offers yet, but hey, i'm trying like half the world. i'm working hard at networking-- this helps but so far hasn't scored me anymore than one of those interviews i referred to. the hard knocks come when people tell me that i'm everything they're looking for but they've hired an internal candidate. my brother said it all so consisely earlier..... employers can get anyone they want right now-- and at a better price. further, and more helpful to me personally, was him also mentioning that employers are beginning to let those mediocre employees go because they have better chosing opportunities now (we're an at-will state)..... so what those mediocre employees lacked or under-performed at, companies can hire better people now and get more bang for the hard-working, better skilled, long-term buck. you get what you pay for, right?
sigh. ok enough. i think i needed to get that out-- whew! maybe the brooding ends today! :)
mom's doing very well. my kiddos are great. it's me-- i'm the sticky booger! ohhhh my... what would dad be saying right now?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
sometime in march
the anniversary came and went. it was like any other day yet, it wasn't at all. i came across this poem today.... i wish i had found it earlier.
DON'T
don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know... don't tell me that i will surely survive, how i will surely grow... don't tell me this is just a test, that i am truly blessed... that i am chosen for the task, apart from all the rest... don't come at me with answers, that can only come from me... don't tell me how my grief will pass, that i will soon be free... don't stand in pious judgment, of the bonds that i must untie... don't tell me how to suffer, and don't tell me how to cry.... my life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all i see... but i need you, i need your love, unconditionally.... accept me in my up's and down's, i need someone to share.... just hold my hand and let me cry, and say, my friend, i care.
author unknown
DON'T
don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know... don't tell me that i will surely survive, how i will surely grow... don't tell me this is just a test, that i am truly blessed... that i am chosen for the task, apart from all the rest... don't come at me with answers, that can only come from me... don't tell me how my grief will pass, that i will soon be free... don't stand in pious judgment, of the bonds that i must untie... don't tell me how to suffer, and don't tell me how to cry.... my life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all i see... but i need you, i need your love, unconditionally.... accept me in my up's and down's, i need someone to share.... just hold my hand and let me cry, and say, my friend, i care.
author unknown
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